


You Got Time

by bandshirtedboybanders



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Original Character Though Not One of the Boys, Some Fate and Soulmate-y stuff, Uni student Harry, dad louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-14 10:26:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 61,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1262842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bandshirtedboybanders/pseuds/bandshirtedboybanders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing is, Louis wasn’t meant to exist without Aaron. They’d grown up together and into each other. Forged together by pain and trials they were too young to deal with. Forged by love too of course, an absolute fuckton of the stuff. Melded together until they were two halves of a whole. Now, Louis just feels like half a person.</p><p>Or, the one where Louis' pretty sure he's already loved and lost his soulmate, and then he meets Harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, this is my first fic ever, so please be gentle with me.
> 
> Title comes from this very lovely song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AUcd8yEVDg
> 
> It's all about starting over, and served as excellent inspiration.

The first time Louis does it, he's tired. A bone aching exhaustion is racking through his body, and he just doesn't know how to _cope_ anymore.

 

The infant in his arms is finally sleeping soundly. No longer impersonating some kind of shrieking demon/harpy hybrid.

 

In this moment, little Rory could almost be described as angelic. The lashes of his now (thankfully) closed eyes are long and delicately curved, fanning out onto the smooth rosy expanse of his cheeks. Wisps of his thin blond hair are catching the light of the bedside lamp, giving the false impression of a halo. His tiny chest is expanding and contracting in a slow, steady rhythm. His quiet breaths, creating an almost soothing accompaniment to the sounds more commonly heard in the streets of Manchester at 4:22 in the morning.

 

Louis looks down at his son, and hates him.

 

Louis gasps in shock when his exhausted brain eventually recognises and processes the emotion. The movement accidentally jolts the baby in his arms, who stirs and whimpers a little, but thankfully sleeps on. Slowly, Louis raises himself from where he’s propped up against the headboard of his bed, and walks to the other end of the bedroom, gently placing Rory in the crib pushed up against the wall.

 

It’s only once he’s ensured that his son is still fast asleep, that Louis allows himself to react. He makes sure that the baby monitor is on, picks up his phone, and walks, swiftly but silently, through the bedroom door, and into the living room. Once there, his legs seem to just give out under him. He crumples onto the floor, legs oddly stretched out in front of him, his back and head painfully thwacking against the wall. He feels tears stinging in the corner of his eyes, and a vice constricting his heart.

 

Louis is a terrible person.

 

What kind of psychopathic nut-job, looks at his peacefully sleeping 2 month old son, and feels hate? Even murderers, homophobes and racists have the goddamn decency to love their own children. Even people who go out into the world, and see nothing but hate and despair, are able to turn off that broken part of themselves in the face of an innocent fucking baby.

 

Louis may just be the worst parent in the world. God knows he’s a whole lot worse than his own sorry excuse for a father, who left when Louis was only two. Troy may have displayed disinterest and a total lack of personal responsibility in his abandonment, vices Louis could never forgive him for, but even Troy was never so callous a person as to actually actively hate his own son.

 

Oh God! What would his mother think if she could peer into her son’s brain right now? Would she wonder where she’d gone wrong? Wonder how she could have raised such an abhorrent human being, without ever catching on to just how twisted he was.

 

Fuck.

 

What would Aaron think?

 

Louis’ breath catches in his throat and the grip on his heart tightens. He’s sobbing in earnest now. The tears that have been collecting in the corners of his eyes finally spilling over, accompanied by great gulping moans. He just doesn’t know what to do!

 

He contemplates calling his mother, but it’s still so bloody early, and she’s got babies of her own to look after. She really should be getting all the sleep she can. Jay’s not as young as she used to be, and little Ernie in particular can be a right terror now that he’s finally figured out how to run.

 

The next person he thinks of is Zayn. Zayn has told Louis countless times to call anytime he needs to talk. Has reassured Louis that they’ll remain best friends, no matter what. Has promised to be there for Louis through absolutely anything. Louis envisions calling Zayn, and divulging the warped mess of his mind. He imagines telling his very best friend in the world, the only person he knows who loves those he lets into his heart with absolutely everything he’s got, that for a moment, Louis had felt a flash of hatred towards his own son.

 

Zayn would never look at him the same way again.

 

Louis can’t do this by himself. He’s so fucking tired.

 

So that’s the first time Louis does it. Louis picks up his phone, and engages in the most futile act possibly ever perpetrated in the history of mankind. He texts Aaron.

 

 **To Aaron:**   _I looked at our son today, and for a moment, I hated him._

 

As soon as the message is sent, Louis feels himself relax, the tears stop, and his breathing calms. Ever since Louis was 15 years old, he has never kept a secret from Aaron. It’s the lightest Louis has felt since the last time he was able to confess one of the dark parts of his mind to the one person he could rely on to always listen. To always love him.

 

Everyone else in Louis’ life has only ever seen an edited version of his personality. At his best they see the funny, light-hearted Louis, manically whirling around, trying to make people laugh, and generally bring joy and mischievousness. At his worst, they see the sulky, moaning Louis, highly prone to bouts of severe pouting, and biting retorts. Only one person has ever been allowed to see the rough draft of Louis. The version that sometimes succumbs to the darker parts of his mind, the quiet Louis.

 

He texts Aaron again.

 

 **To Aaron:** _I don’t think I’m ever going to stop missing you._

 

Louis doesn’t get a reply.

 

 

*****

 

About three hours later, Louis wakes to the sound of Rory’s cries through the baby monitor. He’s still slumped against the wall. His neck is painfully cricked, and one of his legs is completely numb from being bent at an odd angle for such a prolonged period of time.

 

He’s momentarily confused as to what he could possibly be doing sleeping on the floor, when suddenly the events from earlier that morning come back to him.

 

Feeling like he's been body slammed a couple of times, Louis staggers to his feet and limps to the bedroom, his right leg now tingling unpleasantly with pins and needles.

 

He approaches Rory with caution. He’s not sure whether he’s more worried that his son is going to take one look at him, and somehow know precisely how his father felt towards him, only hours ago; or just terrified of looking down at Rory, and once again feeling that inexplicable fleeting stab of hate. Either way, Louis needs to grow a pair. His son is hungry, and it’s his job to feed him. Louis takes a deep breath, steeling himself, and picks up his baby.

 

Love.

 

Louis can’t detect a trace of the confusing vitriol from a few hours earlier. Rory immediately begins to calm at the familiar sensation of being in his father’s arms. Safe in the knowledge that he’s about to be fed, his sharp cries diminish to gentle whimpers. It’s such a profound relief that Louis begins to whimper a little too. He brings his son up to his chest, rocking both of their bodies lightly from side to side, and starts planting gentle kisses all over Rory’s soft hair and forehead.

 

“I’m so sorry baby,” he whispers. “I love you, I love you, I love you and I am so, so incredibly sorry.”

 

Rory looks up with confused eyes when Louis finally pulls away, and whimpers with a little more insistence.

 

Right. That’s what Louis’ supposed to be doing: growing a pair, and feeding his son. He can do that.

 

*****

 

The rest of Louis’ day is pretty standard.

 

He chats to his mum after lunch and catches up on all of the gossip from Doncaster. Phoebe’s in a bit of a strop after a trip to the dentist earlier in the week revealed that she needed braces. Apparently this is a life-altering tragedy, which will doom Phoebe to years of being a social outcast without any prospect of a boyfriend, and it’s just not fair, because Daisy’s supposed to be her identical twin, so why doesn’t she have to get braces too? Christ. Phoebe’s only, what? Eleven? Frankly, Louis can’t see anything even remotely tragic in his baby sister not being able to get a boyfriend in the immediate future. Also, Doris and Ernie have managed to pick up a pretty nasty cold from day care, and their blocked noses are making it difficult for them to sleep through the night.

 

All in all, Louis’ chat with Jay just confirms that it was the right call not to bother her with his little emotional breakdown in the early hours of the morning. She must be exhausted, what with multiple moody pre-teens and screaming toddlers to wrangle. It’s also why, when his mum asks him how he’s doing, concern laced through her voice, Louis plasters on the cheesy fake smile which manifests automatically every time he’s asked some variation of that question these days.

 

“You know what? I’m doing surprisingly well. Having Rory is such a plus. He’s really helping me keep my mind off everything. Y’know, keeping me busy and all that. Dunno what I’d do without him honestly.”

 

Jay hums in response, not sounding terribly convinced, but then Doris starts squealing in the background and Jay has to get off the phone.

 

Louis counts it as a win.

 

*****

 

 

Zayn comes by at about 6:15pm after closing up the gallery for the day. It’s only a quick visit, (it’s his and Perrie’s date night) but he still manages to get through his daily routine of snuggling up with his “absolute favourite godson” whilst shooting concerned looks at Louis. Louis pretends not to notice the pleading edge in Zayn’s eyes. That’s part of the routine too.

 

“Y’know I’m here whenever you want to talk.” Zayn offers as he hands Rory back to his father, and heads towards the front door.

 

“Course I do mate,” the facsimile smile has returned. Louis fucking hates it.“M’fine though. Have fun with Pez tonight, yeah?”

 

Zayn sighs a little, and offers a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, “Ok Lou, I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you both.” He strokes Rory’s cheek and kisses Louis’ forehead, before he leaves.

 

*****

 

At 8:02pm Mary calls. Louis ignores it.

 

*****

 

By 8:30pm, Rory’s actually asleep. Louis knows he should take advantage of this rare opportunity, and catch up on his own seriously lacking sleep, but he can’t seem to turn his brain off. Instead, he’s lying in bed. Thinking.

 

Fuck, he’s a mess. He has no clue why he bothers trying to hide it from anyone, particularly those who know and love him best. Why he tries to convince them that he’s fine. They must know. Must be acutely aware that there’s no way he could possibly be feeling anything even approaching ‘fine’.

 

The thing is, Louis wasn’t meant to exist without Aaron. They’d grown up together and into each other. Forged together by pain and trials they were too young to deal with. Forged by love too of course, an absolute fuckton of the stuff. Melded together until they were two halves of a whole. Now, Louis just feels like half a person.

 

How on earth is one half of a person supposed to raise a whole child?

 

Louis grabs his phone from where it’s charging on his bedside table. Mary’s left a voicemail he absolutely cannot deal with listening to right now. He contemplates keeping it for later, but it leaves this big red, circled 1 in the corner of the phone icon of his iPhone. It makes him anxious just looking at it, so Louis deletes the voicemail.

 

He opens up the texting app on his phone. It goes automatically to his most recent conversation, the one from the early hours of the morning, with Aaron. Before he can think better of it, Louis finds himself typing.

 

 **To Aaron:** _I’m sorry if I worried you earlier, you know I love Rory more than anything_

 

 **To Aaron:** _That’s what I decided to call him by the way. Rory._

 

 **To Aaron:** _I know you were really set on Luke, but it’s such a harsh sounding name, and when I saw him, it just didn’t fit. He’s such a soft, sweet little boy. You’d understand why Luke was wrong if you saw him._

 

 **To Aaron:** _Aaron’s his middle name. Obviously._

 

Once again, the texts calm Louis down. His brain stops turning in on itself, and his muscles relax. He falls easily into the most restful sleep he’s had in over 3 months. He doesn’t wake up until Rory starts to cry at about 2am, in need of a nappy change and a feed.

 

Five consecutive hours of sleep leave Louis feeling more human than he has in ages. Once Rory’s settled down again, his breathing deep and even, Louis gets himself back into bed. He picks up his phone, and sends one more text before falling back to sleep.

 

 

 **To Aaron:** _I miss you._

 

*****

 

It becomes a thing after that. Louis texts Aaron every night, for as long as it takes for his brain to shut down. As long as it takes for Louis to feel human again.

 

Some nights he only sends one. Most nights it’s more.

 

*****

 

It’s only a week after Louis’ first text that his mother angrily calls, telling him that Mary’s just been over. Disappointment and accusation are laced in every fibre of her voice.

 

Louis has to text Aaron for well over an hour that night before he can even begin to think about sleep.

 

The texts are a long and repetitive series of nonsense. Lots of ‘I’m so sorrys’ and ‘I just don’t know what to say to hers’ and ‘I’m a terrible persons’ with one ‘I feel like I’m letting you down’ thrown in for luck.

 

*****

 

Another 2 weeks pass before Louis finally pulls himself together enough to drive over to Donny for the day.

 

He goes home first, carefully placing Rory’s carrier on the carpeted ground of the living room, before basically collapsing into his mother’s welcoming embrace. Tears sting at his eyes, as his mother rubs his back and whispers soothing nonsense into his ear. It's so good to be home.

 

The rest of the morning, Louis spends playing with Ernie and Doris. They're like proper little people now, babbling excitedly in nonsensical sentences with the odd discernible word thrown in, seemingly at random. It's all very endearing.

 

The older girls have taken full responsibility over Rory, passing him carefully amongst themselves and cooing occasionally. They take it in turns to gently stroke his hair and pepper kisses all over his face. They seem in awe of their little nephew, and Rory's positively basking in all the attention. It brings out Louis' genuine smile for the first time in quite a while.

 

Lunch is a frenetic, raucous affair, making Louis feel like a kid again. Rory is totally overwhelmed, never having been around so many noisy people at once before. He starts crying when it all got to be a bit too much, forcing Louis to take him upstairs and tuck him into Ernie’s crib for an early afternoon nap.

 

After lunch, without Rory to distract them, it's impossible for Louis to miss the careful way his sisters are looking at him. They watch him warily across the room as he chats with Dan about the football, seemingly worried that their brother's about to have some kind of mental breakdown in front of them. Louis ignores the anxiety twisting in his gut, and pulls stupid faces at his girls until Daisy and Phoebe start to giggle, and Lottie and Fizzy have cracked a smile.

 

By the time Rory wakes up at 2:20pm, Louis can’t put off the inevitable any longer. He's due at Mary’s for afternoon tea in 10 minutes, and he has to leave now if he wants to get there on time. He says goodbye to everyone, hugging each of his siblings and Dan, before being wrapped up once again in his mother’s crushing embrace.

 

“Don’t leave it so long to come around next time, ok Boo?” she whispers in his ear, “we miss you and Rory so much when you’re gone”.

 

Louis’ heart clenches, “I won’t, I promise.”

 

He straps Rory into his car seat and makes the short trip to Mary’s house 100% convinced he's about to be yelled at for a very long time. He can only hope he somehow manages to get Rory safely out of the room before the (completely justified) screaming begins.

 

The last thing Louis expects upon the front door being pulled open, is to be dragged into an embrace just as warm and loving as the one he’d received from his own mother. Mary buries her face into Louis’ neck, the moisture leaking steadily from her eyes wetting Louis’ skin.

 

“I’m so happy to see you, love,” she breathes into Louis’ shoulder, “I’ve missed you so much.”

 

“I’ve missed you too, Mary” Louis sighs, “I’m sorry I’ve been such a ridiculous shit these past few months.”

 

The older woman laughs wetly at that, choking a little, but refusing to let go of the man in her arms. Louis would happily stay in Mary’s arms for hours, but he's still awkwardly holding Rory’s carrier in one hand, and the baby's beginning to whimper lightly.

 

“Mary, love,” Louis whispers, reluctant to break the moment, “Let me just put your grandson down for a mo’, then I’ll be able to give you a proper cuddle.”

 

Grandson’s the magic word apparently. Mary immediately snaps out of her reverie, and pulls out of the hug.

 

“Screw cuddling you, Tomlinson,” she says, smile bright despite the red around her eyes, and the tears on her cheeks, “Give me the baby!”

 

The moment Mary has Rory in her arms, her entire body exhales. Her muscles relax, and her previously bright smile turns peaceful and content.

 

“He looks so much like you Lou, especially around the eyes and nose,” she pauses, taking a steadying breath before continuing, “I know it’s impossible, but I feel like there’s a little bit of Aaron in him too? Around the lips maybe? The hair’s the same colour too. It was so straight and blonde when Aaron was little, right up until the first time he…” She stops herself, shaking her head, a sad little smile playing on her lips.

 

“He’s absolutely lovely, Lou. Grown up so much since the last time I saw him, right after he was born. He must be almost 3 months old now, right?”

 

This is it then, the conversation Louis has been dreading ever since he’d organised his trip to Doncaster a few days ago.

 

“Look, Mary, there’s really no excuse for how I’ve behaved. I’ve been such a…”

 

“Stop.” There's a steely look in Mary’s eyes that Louis doesn’t dare defy. “There’s every excuse. You’ve been childish, and closed-off and difficult, but you have one of the best excuses in the world.”

 

“I can’t say that I’ve enjoyed being cut out of your life, and I’ve missed you and Rory terribly. But I do understand. I’ve been exactly where you are, and I get not knowing how to cope. So, it’s ok, I forgive you, water under the bridge, and all that. Plus, I love you too sodding much to stay angry at you.”

 

Tears spring to Louis’ eyes halfway through Mary’s speech. Why has he avoided this wonderful, kind, funny, compassionate woman for so long?

 

She's so much like Aaron.

 

Louis leaves Doncaster about two and a half hours later, with some scones in an old takeaway container, a thermos full of tea and Rory sleeping in his car seat. In exchange, he’s left several promises for their imminent return, and sincere assurances that he's definitely going to pick up the phone the next time Mary calls.

 

He only has to text Aaron for twenty minutes before going to sleep that night.

 

*****

 

It's only four months after Louis started his daily messages to Aaron that Zayn innocently suggests that it might be time for Louis to start dating again. Needless to say, it doesn’t go down well.

 

“What?” Louis gasps sharply.

 

“I dunno mate, just something to consider maybe? I mean, it’s been 7 months since it, um… happened, and Rory’s older now, and going to daycare. Plus you’ve been back at work for a couple of weeks and you’re totally killing it there… I just thought that, maybe going on a couple of dates could be the next thing on your agenda?” By the time he’s stuttered it all out, Zayn looks like he regrets ever saying a word in his life.

 

“Agenda?” Louis screeches, “Seriously Zayn, do you think about what you’re saying before you say it? Or do you just let the words shoot out your gob in any old order, and hope they form a coherent sentence instead of a gigantic pile of shit?”

 

“Ok! So what I’m getting from you right now, is that you don’t think you’re quite up to dating yet.”

 

“No, you bloody fucking wanker of a shitheaded dick. I’m not ‘up to dating’ yet, I don’t know if I’m ever going to be ‘up to dating’ again! You do realise that Aaron was my fucking soulmate, right? We weren’t just some highschool sweetheart bullshit, we were the real fucking deal. He was my fucking endgame, you cunt. And now he’s fucking gone, and you want me to just start dating again? After 7 months? Fuck you! Of course I’m not fucking ready!” Louis is fuming. His breath is coming out it sharp little bursts, and his body practically vibrating with rage.

 

Zayn just stares at him for a while, taken aback by the ferocity of Louis’ outburst. “You know, that’s the most I’ve heard you talk about him since the funeral, Lou.” Zayn’s tone is gentle and his eyes sympathetic. “So you’re not ready. That’s fine babe, there’s no rush. Obviously you shouldn’t get back out there when you’re still hurting this much. It’s just…” Zayn hesitates, worried that he might send Louis into another rage spiral, “It’s just… I don’t like hearing you say that you might never be ready. You’re only twenty-four, babe. You’ve got so much time, and you’re so bloody good at loving people. You just love so much and so well, and it would be such a pity to see all of that go to waste. You just shouldn’t be alone, babe. It’s not what I want for you, and it’s certainly not what Aaron would have wanted.”

 

The anger just seeps out of Louis’ pores leaving a deep well of sadness in its place. “M’not alone Zayn,” How did his voice become so small when it was so big and powerful only moments ago? “I’ve got Rory, and you, and mum, and Ernie and the girls, and Mary… I’ve still got so many people to love, m’not alone.” Louis can feel the frown on his face. Why does it feel like he’s trying to convince himself?

 

Zayn sighs, “Course you do babe. You’ve got all of us, and we love you, and we’re not going anywhere. I just think you might have room to love someone new too. Maybe you won’t love them the same way you loved Aaron, but… I dunno… I reckon you’re too young to give up on it altogether.”

 

Louis could feel the frown on his face deepening, “M’not ready, Zayn.”

 

“Ok Lou, nobody’s gonna force you to do something you’re not ready for. Just think about it, yeah?” Zayn sighs again at the perturbed expression etched on Louis’ face, “I’m gonna get us some pizza for dinner. You go check on Rory while I order, alright?”

 

Louis can only nod distractedly as he moves off the sofa, and into the bedroom to check on his son.

 

That night, when he gets into bed, he finds he only needs to send one text.

 

 **To Aaron:** _I’m not ready yet._

 

*****

 

It’s not until 8 months after that first text that Louis does feel up to thinking about getting back into the dating world.

 

It’s Rory that ends up convincing him. He’s 10-months old now, crawling around the place and babbling away. Blissfully unaware that he’s being parented by one half of a person. Rory deserves more. He deserves at least one, whole undamaged parental figure. Louis can’t be that for him, so he’ll have to find him one instead.

 

Also, Louis is really fucking horny. It’s been almost a year since he's last fucked, or was fucked by a real, human person, and he’s kind of losing his mind.

 

Anything worth doing is worth doing well, so Louis decides to devise a game plan. He’s working at an event-planning company these days, and his organisational and list making skills have improved exponentially as a result. His bastard of a history teacher from college would be positively shaken by his proficiency.

 

He quickly decides that there are only two kinds of men he should really be looking out for: 1- Potential future father figures for Rory, or 2- Men Louis can fuck. Obviously, Type 1 guys are the priority, the end goal of this whole dating ordeal. However, in the mean time, a couple of Type 2s certainly wouldn’t go amiss. Louis is really horny.

 

After a few minutes of deliberation, Louis determines which basic qualities a man would have to possess, in order to even be considered a potential father figure for Rory:

  * Steady job and income (successful)
  * Likes children
  * Serious, but not in an intimidating way
  * Committed
  * Emotionally available
  * At least two years older
  * Hopefully somewhat sexually attractive?



 

Louis’ list of requirements for a Type 2 guy is much more straightforward:

  * Hot
  * STD free (how do people check that these days?)



 

Pleased with his plan of attack, Louis only sends two texts that night.

 

 **To Aaron:** _I know I’m never going to find someone I love as much as I loved you, but I’m going to try and find someone for Rory. I know you’d understand._

 

 

 **To Aaron:** _I hope you know that whatever happens, Rory's always going to know that you're his father too._

 

*****

 

It happens a couple of weeks later on a normal day of little perceived importance. Rory’s almost 11 months old, and Louis’ bracing himself for the 1 year anniversary of Aaron’s death next weekend.

 

Rory’s been asleep for about an hour, and Louis’ just organising some last minute details before heading to bed himself.

 

First, he texts Zayn back confirming that, yes, he’s definitely got the go ahead to give the 30-something year old lawyer who bought a painting at the gallery today Louis’ number. Hopefully, this one will be more successful than the last ‘perfect on paper’ guy Louis had gone a date with. He’d fit every single one of the criteria, but he’d been so rude to the poor waiter who’d had the misfortune of being assigned to their table. Louis refuses to allow his son to be raised by the kind of person who can’t be decent to waiters.

 

Next he sends a quick text to Mary, confirming that he and Rory should be arriving in Doncaster mid-morning next Saturday. They’ve decided they want to spend that weekend together, plus it’s been a while since Rory’s had the opportunity to be absolutely spoilt rotten by his doting aunts and grandmothers.

 

Business for the day completed, Louis sends his now customary bedtime text to Aaron.

 

 **To Aaron:** _I still miss you so much sometimes I can barely breathe, but I feel like I’m doing better. I may only be half a person, but at least I’m a functioning half now._

 

Satisfied, Louis plugs in his phone, and turns off his bedside lamp. He’s just beginning to nod off, when he’s jolted back into consciousness by the sound of his phone buzzing beside him. It’s almost certainly Zayn texting him back with more details about lawyer-guy. It’s probably a little too late at night to be Mary, but stranger things have happened.

 

The absolute last thing Louis expects to see when he wakes up his phone, just so happens to be the very thing that flashes across the screen:

 

 

**Text Message From: Aaron**

 

Louis immediately drops his phone in shock. It falls onto the duvet, landing facedown, next to Louis’ right thigh. What? Just… What? How could…? There must be some kind of mistake.

 

Completely awake now, Louis picks up his phone with the care one would usually reserve for some kind of explosive. Holding the device facedown and about a metre in front of his body, Louis moves out of the bedroom as silently as he can on his now shaking legs, before collapsing against a wall in the living room.

 

For a brief, horrifying moment he’s starkly reminded of the night all those months ago when he’d sent that first text to Aaron. The night he’d engaged in that first act of futility. Louis doesn’t know whether he wants to laugh, or cry at the irony of it all. Probably both.

 

After one deep steadying breath, Louis turns over the phone and switches it back on. The message on the home screen remains the same.

 

 

**Text Message From: Aaron**

 

The thing is, Louis’ always been a jump right in, ask questions later kind of guy, and this is no exception. Before he can think twice, Louis swipes at the text message notification on his screen and unlocks his phone.

 

 **From Aaron:** _Hey mate. Just wanted to let you know that you’ve sent this to the wrong number. Obviously, that message was really personal, and I feel kind of awful for reading it. The thing is I’ve literally just gotten this new phone and number today so I’ve been getting all of my friends to send me their details. So, like there was nothing unusual about one more text from an unknown number. And I read through the whole message just in case it was a joke from somebody, and they left their name at the end? Anyway, sorry again, and I’m sure the person you were trying to send that text to will give you their new number soon xx._

 

 **From Aaron:** _Also, if this is a joke, I will get you back Niall. You may think you’re funny but you are sadly mistaken._

 

Ok. That made sense. Phone contracts expire if you don’t use them for a while, it must have been more than a year since Aaron had last recharged his credit. Numbers get reassigned; it’s not the end of the world. Louis can breathe again.

 

 **To Aaron:** _Promise I’m not some bloke called Niall, or taking the piss. Just a regular guy making an honest, highly embarrassing, mistake. Thanks for letting me know mate. Won’t bother you again._

 

It’s all going to be alright. So Louis isn’t going to be able to send texts to Aaron anymore, maybe that’s a good thing. Louis’ been doing so much better recently, maybe he doesn’t need to use the illusion of talking to Aaron as a crutch anymore. Maybe this is as clear a sign as any that it’s time for Louis to move on to more productive ways of dealing with his grief.

 

Louis’ almost so lost in his own thoughts that he doesn’t notice his phone buzzing back to life. Of course, it’s not-Aaron again.

 

 **From Aaron:**   _Mate, please don’t feel embarrassed, this is all on me for not being able to keep my big nose out text messages clearly intended for other people. So in keeping with my sticky-beak reputation, I just wanted to say: I’m so glad you’re doing better, but based on the rest of your message, you still don’t seem to be doing that great? I realise I’m overstepping a major personal line here, but if you ever need someone to talk to I’m totally here for you. Just send me a text and I’ll do my best to help, it’d never be a bother xx._

 

Louis stares at the message for a long time, confused. What on earth is this guy playing at? Why is he so concerned with the problems of some random person he knows literally nothing about? He’s either a complete weirdo, or caring to a fault. What other explanation could there be for someone getting so rapidly invested in the, rather vague, problems of a stranger?

 

The phone buzzes again.

 

 **From Aaron:** _My name’s Harry btw xx._


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this came out a little faster than expected. Hopefully you guys like it.
> 
> Thanks so much for the lovely comments too, they were great motivators.

By the time Louis wakes up the next morning, he’s about 90% sure this Harry character is some kind of cultist. One of those guys who prey on the depressed and vulnerable, offering a sympathetic ear, and a free personality evaluation. It’s only once they’ve determined exactly where your weak spots lie, that they kindly offer to fix all of your problems. For a price.

 

It’s just Louis’ luck that Aaron’s number has been absconded by some weirdo pseudo-religious group.

 

Ok, so Louis’ theory may have a couple of gaping holes. But it’s really bloody early, and he has a million and one things to do, and precisely no time to spare thinking about disembodied men named Harry.

 

Speaking of having no time, Louis’ due at work in about an hour, and he still has to shower and drop off a clean, happy and well-fed Rory at daycare.

 

Ugh, Louis hates Mondays.

 

Rory has, somewhat miraculously, managed to sleep through Louis’ alarm, and is less than impressed when Louis wakes him up. He may have inherited Louis’ hatred of early mornings, poor thing. If that’s the case, there’s a lifetime of suffering ahead for the little guy.

 

Somehow, Louis manages to get out of the house vaguely on time, and only has to speed a tiny bit on the way to Rory’s daycare. He gives his son a quick peck on the forehead, before handing him over to the very lovely owner, Jade.

 

Louis had been extremely lucky to get Rory into this particular daycare. Jade’s kind of fantastic, and the waiting list for Little Nippers Childcare is at least two months long. Fortunately for Louis, Jade just so happens to be an old highschool friend of Perrie’s. He’s not exactly sure what Pez had told Jade to convince her to expedite Rory’s admission, and he’s not sure he wants to. All he can know for sure is that it’s something that makes the normally exuberantly cheery Jade’s smile turn a little sad, whenever she looks Louis or Rory’s way. Louis’ grateful to Perrie for her help, but he really fucking hates that smile.

 

 

*****

 

 

Louis has to speed with a little more conviction to get to the office on time after dropping Rory off. Jesy had assured Louis when he’d first started at Up All Night Events that coming in a few minutes late every now and then wasn’t a big deal, but Louis hasn’t felt comfortable testing that theory in the five months he’s been working there. The thing is, his boss, Katherine, is kind of terrifying. Louis really doesn’t want to get on her bad side.

 

Leigh-Anne’s filing some documents in reception when Louis rushes into the building.

 

“Hey! Not so fast, Lou. Katherine wants to see you in her office.”

 

“Really? Did she mention what it was about?” Louis’ pretty sure he hasn’t done anything that would warrant him getting into trouble, but it’s always good to be prepared.

 

Leigh-Anne groans in frustration, “I have absolutely no idea what she wants from you Louis. Maybe something to do with your job? Now stop distracting me and get to it. Katherine’s paranoid about the computer system crashing again, and she’s making me go through all of our paper client files to make sure the details are up to date. I’ve got no time for your chatter today.”

 

“Ok, sorry for interrupting Leigh. Would you like some tea and biscuits from the break room? I’ll probably be heading that way anyway once I’m all done with Katherine.”

 

Leigh-Anne sends Louis a guilty smile, “Yes please Lou, that’d be ace. Sorry for being tetchy with ya. As you can probably tell, I’m a little bit stressed out right now.”

 

“No worries, love. We’ve all been there. I’ll catch you later, alright?”

 

Louis sends Leigh-Anne a friendly salute, before moving towards Katherine’s office. He only needs to knock on Katherine’s door once, before he’s beckoned inside.

 

“Louis,” Katherine greets him distractedly, eyes fixed on her computer screen, “Please, have a seat.”

 

She types in silence for a few more minutes, before finally giving Louis her full attention.

 

“So,” she begins, staring intently at Louis over the thick, black frames of her glasses, “I’ve been very impressed with your work recently. That opening you and Jesy organised for the art gallery on Hewitt Street last week was a huge success. The client was thrilled.”

 

Louis only just manages to stop himself from audibly sighing in relief. “Thanks, Katherine. I’m so glad to hear James is happy. It was hard work obviously, but there were some fun moments too.”

 

“Jesy tells me that a lot of the details were your idea.”

 

“I mean, some of them were, yeah.” Louis isn’t entirely sure where this is going. Maybe he’s getting a raise? “I was the one who chose the musician. He performed at the opening of my mate Zayn’s gallery, and he was really great there. He’s got the perfect sound for that kind of thing, really chilled out, but such a good vibe. He doesn’t overpower the art, y’know? I guess quite a lot of the décor details were my call too. Jesy was in charge of the catering and staffing though. Plus she oversaw all my work.”

 

Katherine nods thoughtfully, “That’s what I thought.” She pulls off her glasses and leans back in her chair, “I’ve decided to give you a bit of a challenge Louis: Sony are holding an album launch party for one of their acts next Friday. Just a small one, the band’s pretty new, Australian I think, overly long name… Anyway, I want you to be in charge of organising the event.”

 

“You mean that I’d be supervising Jesy?” Louis asks, confused.

 

“God no!” Katherine seems highly amused by the prospect, “Jesy’s been here for almost 3 years. How do you think she’d react if I made some newbie her boss? Jesy’s busy with another project anyway. I mean that you would be in charge of organising this event by yourself.”

 

Louis tries to hide his shock, “But… I’ve never done anything anywhere near this big alone before. I mean, it’s Sony!”

 

Katherine smiles, “I’m aware of that Louis. That’s why it’s a challenge. Now, I’ve already set up a meeting for you with one of the record execs at the location the party is going to be held. It’s just down the road from Sony’s offices. I’ve organised for Liam to meet you there too. I’m not sure if you’ll need to do any construction work, but better safe than sorry. You need to be at Trafford Street by 2pm. Understood?”

 

Louis can only nod numbly.

 

 

*****

 

 

 Ok. So Louis is in a little bit over his head.

 

The record exec in charge of the band, and hence the guy who’s been ordering Louis around for the past hour, is a bit of a perfectionist. Right now, Simon is hovering intimidatingly over Liam’s shoulder, second-guessing all of his measurements for a stage that needs to be built for the DJ.

 

It’s a good thing Liam’s such an easy-going guy. Louis’ worked with the young carpenter on a couple of events in the past, and he really likes him. Liam’s not a regular member of the Up All Night staff, only contracted for the odd job when required, but he’s renowned for his impressively level head. No overly demanding client, or ridiculously short deadline ever seems to get under the bloke’s skin. Louis would be absolutely losing it right now if he were in Liam’s place.

 

In fact, Louis’ on the verge of losing it anyway. He needs to get out of here for a while.

 

“I’m going to go grab some coffee. Anyone else want anything?” Louis hopes the manic edge to the question is mostly disguised.

 

“That’d be tops, mate!” Liam shouts back happily from across the room, “Cappuccino with two sugars, thanks.”

 

“I’d like a medium skim latte with one shot of decaf, and one shot of regular coffee,” Simon requests, “If there are any bubbles in the foam, make them do it again. Go to the place down the road, Penny Lane, they’re familiar with my preferences there.”

 

God, Louis really needs to get out of this room, “Sure thing guys. Shouldn’t be too long.”

 

 

*****

 

 

The coffee place isn’t too hard to find, but it’s absolutely packed. Manchester Uni is within walking distance, and the place is positively teeming with students. It’s a good thing Louis isn’t in a hurry to get back to Simon. This could take a while.

 

Louis happily joins at the end of the queue, and takes in his surroundings.

 

Sometimes Louis regrets that he never got to experience student life. Aaron and Zayn had both gotten into Manchester straight out of college. Louis’ A-levels hadn’t been good enough to get in, but he’d refused to take them again and be left behind in Donny while his best friend and boyfriend lived it up in the big city. Instead Louis had decided to move with them to Manchester, and go straight into the workforce. Aaron and Zayn had both loved uni life, waxing lyrical about what an ‘intellectually stimulating environment’ it was. Obviously, it had all worked out in the end, Louis has a stable and fulfilling career, but a small part of him had always been a tiny bit jealous.

 

Louis snaps out of his reverie when he catches sight of the barista frantically alternating between taking orders and making coffees behind the counter.

 

Fuck.

 

That has got to be the most beautiful boy Louis has seen in his life.

 

His dark brown curls are sweaty and frizzy, tied back with some kind of headscarf. His cheeks are flushed beautifully. His big blue… no green eyes are focused and determined. There’s a little furrow between his eyebrows as he concentrates on taking down orders. His pink tongue peeks out briefly to wet equally pink lips.

 

“What can I get for you, mate?”

 

Well. That’s a surprisingly deep voice.

 

So apparently it’s Louis’ turn to order. When did that happen?

 

It takes an embarrassingly long time for Louis’ brain to start working. Once he’s finally capable of forming words, he quickly rattles off Simon and Liam’s orders, “and some tea too please, Yorkshire if you’ve got it, just a dash of milk.”

 

The beautiful boy’s face scrunches up in a way that should be unattractive, but isn’t. “God, that’s Simon’s order isn’t it. Are you his new assistant then?”

 

Right. Words. Conversation. Louis is a functioning adult human; he can talk to the pretty boy.

 

“Nope, not his assistant. Just working with him for the next couple of weeks. Not sure I could cope with him for much longer than that. I’m struggling as it is.” Louis effects what he hopes is a charming smile, but is probably more of a grimace.

 

Pretty boy nods sympathetically, “Right, well good luck with that one. Can’t say I’d like to be in your shoes.” The boy hands over the freshly made beverages.

 

“Guess you might be ‘round here a bit then. If you’re working with Simon for the next couple of weeks, I mean.” The smile the boy adds to this seemingly innocuous statement is a truly devastating thing.

 

“Guess so.” Louis replies, “I’m definitely going to need some excuses to get out of there every now and then. ‘Spose a coffee run is as good a reason as any.”

 

The boy doesn’t stop smiling.

 

 

*****

 

 

Louis’ exhausted by the time he gets home, and Rory is grumpy. Zayn’s waiting for them at the front door of the flat, a bag of takeaway Indian in his hand.

 

“Zaynie, have I told you that I love you recently? ‘Cause I do. I really, really do.”

 

“Sorry Lou,” Zayn smiles benignly, “Afraid m’already taken. Plus, sometimes I feel like you only want me because I bring you food. Makes me feel objectified.”

 

“You’d be right mate,” Louis says as he gets a bottle ready for Rory, “The food is definitely the sexiest thing about you.”

 

“Well fuck you then. Maybe I won’t give you all of the inside information on Steve.”

 

“Steve?” Louis asks distractedly, trying to get Rory to take his bottle.

 

“Yeah, Steve. The lawyer I was telling you about last night. I may have shown him a picture of you yesterday, and he’s pretty keen to meet you. Wants to take you out this Friday, I think. Anyway he should be giving you a call soon. Pez and I will look after Rory of course.” Zayn’s practically brimming over with enthusiasm. It’s kind of sweet, how much he wants to see Louis be happy again.

 

“Right, Steve. He sounds perfect, mate.”

 

The wide, hopeful smile Zayn sends Louis’ way is only a little disconcerting.

 

 

*****

 

 

Louis can’t sleep.

 

Fuck. He thought he was ready to give up on his nightly texts to Aaron. He thought he was ready to move on, but now it’s 1:48am and Louis has to get up for work in 4 hours, and he can’t sleep.

 

The thing is, the bed feels empty. Turns out that five years of sharing your bed with another person, trumps one year of sleeping alone. That doesn’t seem fair.

 

Louis contemplates giving in and taking one of the heavy-duty sleeping pills his mother bought for him few months ago. He doesn’t like the idea of them. He worries that something will happen to Rory after he takes one, and Louis will be too deeply asleep to notice.

 

He’s just about to go to the kitchen and make himself a cup of tea, when his phone lights up suddenly on the bedside table.

 

 **From Aaron:** _I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all day._

Right, it would appear not-Aaron is texting Louis again. Harry wasn’t it? Also, what? This Harry guy has just shifted in Louis’ estimation from mildly creepy cultist, to super creepy stalker. Can people figure out a stranger’s addresses just by having their mobile number? Maybe Louis should alert the authorities.

 

 **From Aaron:** _Shit, I couldn’t be sounding more like an axe-murderer if I tried. Sorry mate._

**From Aaron:** _Let me try that again. I’ve been thinking a lot about the text you sent me yesterday, and how sad you seemed. I’m sure it was probably just a bad day, but I hate it when people are sad, so I thought I might try and cheer you up?_

**From Aaron:** _Ok, so here’s an original joke I came up with when I was 10: Why did the baboon ask the giraffe “Why the long face?” ???_

**From Aaron:** _Because he thought giraffe’s neck was his face!_

Louis actually bursts into laughter. That has got to be the worst joke he has ever heard in his life. Harry may not be a stalker or a cultist after all, a massive idiot maybe, but also… sweet? Possibly.

 

 **From Aaron:** _Ok! So this was an absolutely terrible idea. But you’ve gotta admit, that joke is quality. I’ll stop bothering you now xx._

Louis only thinks for a moment, before quickly sending back a text to Harry.

**To Aaron:** _You have got to be kidding mate. That is 100% the most pathetic attempt at humour I have ever had the misfortune of hearing in my life. Good distraction though, thanks for thinking of me, I guess._

**From Aaron:** _No problem, man. Plenty more where that came from. Glad to be of assistance. Night xx._

Louis stares at the now silent phone and makes a decision. He quickly pulls up the contact information on his phone, and changes the name to Harry. It feels a little bit like progress.

 

Louis sleeps surprisingly well after that.

 

 

*****

 

 

Harry is true to his word. He really does seem to have an endless supply of truly terrible jokes. He’s been sending at least two awful jokes a day over the course of the week, and Louis is oddly appreciative of it.

 

Somehow, Harry’s texts help Louis relax. This week has been so ridiculously stressful, and Louis genuinely feels like Harry’s appalling jokes have helped him get through it.

 

It’s difficult to stay irritated at Simon’s overbearing perfectionism when Harry’s explaining how one would go about killing a vegetarian vampire (a steak to the heart, apparently).

 

It’s impossible to be disappointed that pretty barista-guy hasn’t been around the last few times Louis’ escaped to do a coffee run, when Harry’s texting Louis about bicycles being ‘two tyre-d’ to stand up by themselves. 

 

And on Friday night, as Louis is fretting about whether he should wear a t-shirt and blazer combo, or a collared shirt that brings out his eyes on his date with ‘Steve the lawyer’ in 45 minutes, Harry once again eases Louis’ tension.

 

 **From Harry:** _What do you call a big pile of kittens?_

**From Harry:** _A meowntain!_

Louis feels a fond smile spread across his face. Jesus, this kid is ridiculous.

 

 **To Harry:** _That may just be your best one yet, Harold._

**From Harry:** _Thanks man! I’m well funny._

**From Harry:** _Hey! Just realised, I still don’t know your name. You don’t have to tell me obviously, it’d just be nice to refer to you in my head as something other than guy-who’s-really-mean-about-my-consistently-amazing-jokes._

**To Harry:** _Oi! Watch it Harold. I literally just gave you a compliment about the stupid kitten one._

**From Harry:** _You sure did. In a totally not sarcastic way, too. However, you undermined the sincerity of the compliment a little when you immediately called it ‘the stupid kitten one’. Also, I still don’t know your name._

Louis is snapped out of the easy flow of conversation by the sound of Zayn and Perrie letting themselves into the flat.

 

 **To Harry:** _It’s Louis. Listen, mate I gtg. Talk to u this wknd maybe?_

 

Louis makes the executive decision to go for the blue collared shirt, and rushes out of the bedroom to meet his friends.

 

Zayn is positively beaming when Louis meets them in the living room, “Lou! You look amazing! How’d you get your hair to do that little side-swoopy thing? Steve’s totally gonna lose his shit when he sees you.”

 

Perrie shakes her head in exasperation “Jesus Zayn, take it down a notch. It’s times like this that make me worry it's just a matter of time before you two run off into sunset together.”

 

Zayn has the decency to look a little sheepish, “Sorry babe. M’just really excited. I have such a good feeling about tonight.”

 

“Well, cheers for the vote of confidence, mate,” Louis says with a smile. “Rory’s still napping, but he should be up in about twenty minutes. Try to give him some solid food, there are some vegies in the fridge that you can just heat up in the microwave, make sure they’re not too hot. There’s a bottle in there too if he totally refuses to eat anything, but only give it to him as a last resort. Call me if you guys have any problems, yeah? I shouldn’t be home too late, but…”

 

“Yeah, about that,” Zayn quickly interrupts, “don’t feel like you have to rush back, if you know what I mean.”

 

“Zayn. I barely have the brain power to figure out what _I_ mean half the time. Just give it to me in plain English, please?”

 

“All I’m saying is, if you _really_ end up liking him, Pez and I can stay the night with Rory.” Zayn adds a decidedly sleazy wink to the statement.

 

Oh.

 

“It’s a first date, Zayn! And I’m supposed to be leaving for Donny first thing in the morning. I can pretty much guarantee that I’ll be back at a decent hour and that no funny business will be occurring.”

 

“I just worry about you is all.” Zayn sincerely declares, “It’s gotta be more than a year since your pipes last got a good cleanout, and I know for a fact that you and Aaron were right sex maniacs back in the day. You forget that I shared a flat with you two deviants first year of uni. It was a very scarring experience.”

 

Louis’ a little bit horrified by the turn this conversation’s taken, “Ugh! Shut up Zayn, you know we don’t talk about the flat-sharing days. Also, while I appreciate the concern, it’s not like my… pipes… are about to explode or anything. I do have a shower every day, and I tend to… multitask when I’m in there.”

 

Perrie looks mildly ill, “I feel like I shouldn’t be here for this discussion, so I’m gonna go… make some tea, or something. Have a good time tonight though, Lou.”

 

“Don’t bother Pez. If I want to be even mildly on time, I have to leave now. You two look after my boy, and I promise to be back before curfew.” Louis grabs his keys and goes to the door.

 

“Forget about curfew, Lou!” Zayn shouts at Louis’ retreating back, “If you feel like getting your dick sucked tonight, you go get your dick sucked.”

 

Louis turns around quickly and throws up his middle finger.

 

 

*****

 

 

Steve turns out to be a really nice guy.

 

He pulls out Louis’ chair when he arrives at the restaurant, and doesn’t mention the fact that Louis’ 10 minutes late. He’s incredibly polite to their waiter. He doesn’t talk too much about himself, either. He asks Louis lots of questions about work and Rory, and listens attentively to all of his answers. He’s perceptive too. Sensing when they get onto a topic Louis isn’t comfortable with, and delicately shifting the flow of conversation.

 

When Steve does talk about himself, it’s all about how much he admires his parents’ incredibly steady marriage. How he’d spent all of his 20s really establishing himself in his career, but now that he’s firmly on the partner track at his top-tier firm, he’s totally ready to settle down. How he’s really looking forward to taking on more _pro bono_ cases at the firm, now that he’s got the freedom to do so. How much he wants to give back to the community.

 

He’s not bad to look at either. He’s only thirty-two, but his hair is greying at the temples, giving him a bit of a George Clooney on ER look. Louis had only seen Steve standing for a second, when he’d gotten up to pull out Louis’ chair, but he’d seemed impressively tall too. Louis’ always liked tall guys.

 

He’s kind of perfect really. He fits every one of Louis’ criteria. He’s the archetypal Type 1 guy. He’d be an excellent parent.

 

The problem is, Louis is bored.

 

He knows it’s unfair to compare Steve to Aaron. To compare some random lawyer guy, to the person Louis had grown up with and loved in one way or another for most of his life. But. There’s no fun here. No banter. No easy back and forth that only comes from knowing someone for such a long time that you practically share the same mind.

 

Louis can almost see the rest of his life with Steve. He can see the monthly office parties, and the yearly family holidays in Spain. He can see the 1.5 children destined to join Rory in their decidedly average brood. He can see the four-bedroom house in the suburbs, and the dog called Mitzy (or some shit like that) barking in the backyard. He can see the weekly missionary sex and fortnightly blowjobs he’s destined to get for the next twenty years, until Steve has a midlife crisis and starts banging the secretary in his big corner office.

 

This isn’t the kind of life Louis signed up for. This isn’t the life he would have had with Aaron.

 

“So, I had a really excellent time tonight. Did you want to catch up again some time next week?” Steve’s looking at Louis across the table, hopeful smile on his face.

 

No. Louis would not like to do this again. Louis would like to have Aaron back, please.

 

This isn’t about Louis though. This is about Rory. Nobody’s going to be as good as Aaron. But, Steve could be a really good parental figure.

 

Louis tries to put a pleasant smile on his face, “I’d really like that. This week’s a bit hectic, because of that album launch party I was telling you about, but I should be free next weekend.”

 

Steve sighs in relief, “No worries, Louis. I’ll text you and we can organise the details later, if that’s alright with you?”

 

Louis nods mutely.

 

Oddly, the only thing he can think, is how disappointed Aaron would be in him if he could see how willingly Louis had conceded to the possibility of a boring life.

 

 

*****

 

 

Later when Louis’ lying in bed, trying, and failing to get some sleep, he gets another text from Harry.

 

It’s a picture of what appears to be a cartoon french fry either peeing, or ejaculating onto the ground.

 

 **Harry:** _The chip is urinating on another chip!_

Louis laughs, then cries, then falls into a fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I went for the meeting in the coffee shop trope. But I feel like I'm using it in a slightly different way? Maybe? Please don't throw things =)


	3. Three

The drive to Doncaster the next morning, is pretty straightforward. Rory sleeps through most of it, and Louis is so preoccupied with the stuff going on in his own head, that the hour and half drive seems to be over in no time.

 

Ever since the second set of twins were born, there’s really not been any space for Louis to stay in his old family home. In the past, whenever he’s come back to Doncaster, he’s stayed at Mary’s, though this weekend will be the first time that Louis’ stayed overnight since Rory was born. More importantly, it will be the first time he’s stayed at Mary’s without Aaron. It’s something that he’s known was the case in theory, but it’s only now that Louis is physically standing in Aaron’s childhood bedroom that the reality of the situation hits him.

 

Rory’s downstairs with Mary, who hasn’t let go of her grandson since they’d first walked through the front door. Last Louis had seen, she’d been saying ‘grandma’ at the poor lad, over and over again in an odd, manically encouraging tone. Rory had seemed more interested in the perfume ad playing on the TV over her shoulder if Louis’ perfectly honest.

 

Louis had only gone upstairs to quickly drop off his bag and set up Rory’s travel crib. Instead, he’s standing in the corner of Aaron’s old bedroom, in the midst of what feels eerily like a panic attack.

 

The room doesn’t really look the same as it did when they were kids. Mary had taken down all of the band posters and football trophies when they’d gone to Manchester, insisting that it had to serve as a more functional guestroom. Aaron had been quite (unjustly) traumatised by his perceived erasure from the family home, when he’d found out. Louis, whose bedroom had been claimed by Lottie, and painted a bright fuchsia colour approximately 30 seconds after he’d moved out, had felt little sympathy at the time.

 

The thing is, even with all of his personal possessions hidden in a box under the bed, Aaron is all Louis can see as he looks around the relatively non-descript bedroom. There are reminders of him everywhere, little tokens that prove he lived here once.

 

There’s the medium-sized hole in the wall from when they were 13, and Aaron had leaned back too far in his desk chair, falling and slamming his elbow through the drywall. Louis had laughed for a solid 20 minutes.

 

There’s the burn mark on the carpet from when they were 15, and Zayn had come over with some weed he’d been given by one of his older sister’s mates. Aaron had been concentrating so hard on getting the inhaling part down, that he’d accidently lost his grip on the joint, scorching a small section of the carpet by the window.

 

That had been the night Louis confessed that the feelings he had for Aaron, couldn’t really be classified as platonic. It’d also been the night Aaron had pulled Louis in, and pressed his lips to Louis’ for the first time.

 

It had taken them more than a week to acknowledge that maybe everything that transpired that night, wasn’t completely down to overly strong weed.

 

There’s the same bed too. Louis has an awful lot of memories associated with that particular piece of furniture, but right now, only two stand out.

 

The first is from when Louis and Aaron were 16 and they’d lost their virginity together.

 

Louis remembers how meticulously they’d planned out the whole thing. Mary was going out of town for the weekend to visit her sister and was leaving Aaron at home alone. They’d come up with some elaborate lie to tell their mothers about how Zayn was coming over and the three of them were going to have a super fun two-day long, totally non-sexual, bro hang. Neither of the women had bought it obviously, but they’d pretended to, at least initially. It was only on the Saturday, when Aaron had woken up to a packet of condoms, a bottle of lube and a post-it note saying ‘stay safe. Lots of love, Mum & Jay xxx’ innocuously sitting on his bedside table, that their mothers’ scepticism became apparent.

 

Still, despite the irreversible trauma the disturbing events of the morning had wrought, Louis and Aaron persevered with their plans, because… well, they were 16 year old boys.

 

Louis remembers every detail of that night.

 

He remembers how nervous he’d been, lying on his back on that very bed, legs parted and feeling incredibly exposed, watching Aaron pour way too much lube onto his fingers. He remembers the sheepish smile Aaron had sent Louis’ way when he realised Louis had witnessed his shoddy lube dispensing technique. He remembers how slowly Aaron had opened Louis up, working him gradually from one finger to two to three, treating him like he was something incredibly precious. He remembers how it had felt when Aaron had first pressed inside of him, so full and aching and perfect. He remembers how after they’d both come (embarrassingly quickly), Louis had just revelled in how happy he was. How he’d run his fingers through Aaron’s sandy blond hair for hours, staring deeply into dark brown eyes, unbelievably in love with the gorgeous boy beside him.

 

The second memory is from when they were 17. Aaron had made Louis sit on that same bed, before calmly telling him that the cancer was back. All Louis remembers clearly from that day is how wrong Aaron had looked. How his little assurances about how it would all be ok, and that they’d caught it so early this time, and that it would all be over in a couple of months, had jarred so starkly with the sheer terror in his eyes. Louis vaguely remembers walking in on Mary crying in the kitchen.

 

Louis’ breathing is hectic. He needs to get out this room.

 

He rushes out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Mary is sitting with Rory on the living room floor looking through a picture book.

 

“I really feel like Rory’s so close to saying his first word, Louis. His babbling seems so purposeful now. Isn’t that right Rory? Can you say hi to dada? Say hi to dada, baby. Are you sure he hasn’t…” Mary trails off when she finally catches sight of the shaking man in front of her, “Louis! Are you ok? What’s wrong, love?”

 

Louis just stares at her for a while, the image of her crying face from 7 years ago still at the forefront of his mind.

 

“Lou, you’re scaring me. Please say something.” Mary’s standing now, holding Rory securely against her chest. Louis can’t look her in the eyes, they’re exactly the same colour as Aaron’s.

 

Louis takes a steadying breath, “I need to go out for a while. Can you look after Rory for me?”

 

“Of course, love. You’re not going to drive are you?”

 

Louis can barely stand right now, he’s certainly not going to be operating any heavy machinery.

 

Louis shakes his head, and walks out the front door without saying another word.

 

 

*****

 

 

30 minutes later, Louis finds himself in a park he’d played football in occasionally as a child. He’s not entirely sure how he ended up here, but he’s too relieved to finally be out of that godforsaken bedroom to care.

 

Louis desperately needs to get out of his own head, so he automatically seeks out the only person who’s been able to make him do just that in recent days.

 

 **To Harry:** _Tell me one of your terrible jokes._

The reply is almost immediate.

 

 **From Harry:** _We’ve already had this conversation Louis. My jokes are amazing, your sense of humour’s just broken._

**To Harry:** _I’m not up to this right now Harry. Just tell me a joke._

**From Harry:** _Is everything ok Lou? I can call and have a chat if you want._

**To Harry:** _No! Joke!_

**From Harry:** _What is it that makes Switzerland so good?_

**To Harry:** _idk, what?_

**From Harry:** _I don’t know either, but their flag’s a big plus._

**To Harry:** _That was awful. Another pls._

**From Harry:** _How did Ebenezer Scrooge win the football game?_

**From Harry:** _The ghost of Christmas passed!_

**To Harry:** _Good god, that one was even worse. How do you remember all of these abominations?_

**From Harry:** _Dunno man, it’s a gift._

**To Harry:** _Do you ever think about all the actually useful stuff you might know if you weren’t taking up all your brain space with this junk?_

**From Harry:** _Not really. Besides, I’d argue that my jokes are useful. You sound better =)_

Louis stops for a moment. He does feel better, his breathing has mostly gone back to normal, and the chaos in his head has quieted down significantly.

 

 **To Harry:** _I am. Thanks for that and sorry for being so short with you earlier._

**From Harry:** _That’s ok Lou, glad to help._

**From Harry:** _You know the offer still stands. If you want to have an actual conversation, you can always give me a call…_

Louis considers it briefly. So far, Louis’ relationship with Harry has existed entirely in this bizarre alternate universe. There’s something scary about the prospect of _speaking_ to Harry, of hearing his actual voice. Almost as if it’d make everything too real. There’s something tempting about it too.

 

 **To Harry:** _Not today mate. I should really be getting back to my real life._

It’s true. Mary’s probably beside herself with worry, and she’s almost certainly called Jay.

 

 **From Harry:** _No problem Lou. Just as long as you know it’s an open offer._

**To Harry:** _I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks again._

Louis pulls himself together (as much as he can in the middle of a park), and heads back to Mary’s.

 

 

*****

 

 

As predicted, Louis’ mother is waiting for him, anxiously pacing in the living room.

 

“Lou!” She cries when Louis walks self-consciously into the room, “How are you Boobear? Is everything ok?”

 

“I’m alright mum, I’m sorry for worrying you.”

 

“No, Louis. You always say that you’re alright, and I always let it go. But if you’re storming out of Mary’s house for no apparent reason, then clearly something is very wrong.” Jay crosses her arms and looks at Louis, determined.

 

“God mum, you’re so dramatic sometimes. I didn’t _storm_ anywhere, I just needed some time to myself.”

 

“Don’t quibble over semantics with me Louis William Tomlinson. We are going to talk about what happened today. Does it have something to do with the anniversary being tomorrow?”

 

Louis sighs, “No. I mean, not directly. Though I really can’t believe he’s been gone for a year.”

 

A sad little smile comes across Jay’s face, “Me neither, Boo. That boy was like a son to me long before you wised up enough to lock him down and put a ring on it.”

 

“Mum, you know Aaron was the one who proposed.”

 

“Course I do, love. I’m just glad you were smart enough to say yes. I’m sure lots of parents would have thought you were too young to settle down, but I knew. With everything you two had been through together, you knew what you were doing.”

 

Louis smiles a little, “We had our reasons for doing everything so young.”

 

“I know, love. Now, tell me what happened this morning.”

 

Louis grimaces, “I don’t really know, if I’m honest. I just haven’t been in Aaron’s bedroom since he died. I guess I got a little… overwhelmed.”

 

“That’s understandable, Lou.” Jay frowns thoughtfully, “So it was more of a one-off freak out then? You don’t get ‘overwhelmed’ like that often, do you?”

 

Louis quickly shakes his head, “Absolutely not. Honestly mum, I’ve really been doing well recently. This last week in particular, I feel like I’ve been coping great. Work’s been so stressful, but I’ve been totally handling it.”

 

Jay looks a little confused, “What’s been different about this week in particular, Lou?”

 

Louis’ mind briefly flashes to Harry, and his constant, calming texts.

 

“Nothing really. Just working harder than usual, I guess.”

 

They’re interrupted by Mary walking into the room, a smiling Rory in her arms.

 

“Is it safe to come in now?” she asks warily.

 

“Of course Mary! This is your house,” Louis quickly assures her, “I’m sorry for freaking out on you earlier.”

 

“That’s alright Lou. I don’t think this weekend is going to be easy on any of us.”

 

They all lapse into silence after that, lost in their own thoughts.

 

Rory apparently doesn’t appreciate the quiet, “mamamama gazadu!” he exclaims happily.

 

“That’s right Ror! I think it’s just about nap time for you.” Louis takes Rory from Mary and quickly moves upstairs. Mary must have finished setting up the crib, because everything is in total working order when Louis goes back into Aaron’s room. If he’s unable to linger after carefully placing Rory in the crib, nobody else has to know.

 

 

*****

 

 

Sunday starts miserably, and kind of goes downhill from there. It’s not so much a day as it is a series of tense, awkward, emotionally exhausting moments.

 

Louis had ended up sleeping on one of the sofas in the living room, unable to face being in Aaron’s bedroom for any extended period of time. Unfortunately, the sofa isn’t particularly supportive, so Louis wakes up still tired, with an aching back.

 

Louis, Rory and Mary end up going to the Tomlinson/Deakin household for breakfast and it’s a totally bizarre experience. Everyone old enough to really understand what today represents is eerily quiet and sombre, either lost in their own thoughts or walking on eggshells. Meanwhile, Ernie, Doris and Rory are having an absolutely amazing time together. Ernie and Doris are taking turns showing Rory their toys, whilst Rory giggles happily. All three seem totally unaware of the tension in the room.

 

After breakfast, Louis leaves Rory with Jay and Dan and goes with Mary to the cemetery. It’s awful.

 

Once they’re standing at Aaron’s headstone, neither Louis nor Mary really seem to know what to say. It takes about 5 minutes before Louis finally breaks the silence.

 

“Hi baby,” he starts, “We brought you some flowers.” He places a bouquet of white roses at the base of the headstone.

 

Mary takes over from there, “I can’t believe it’s been a year since I last saw your beautiful, smiling face. I’ve missed you every second of every day you’ve been gone.”

 

Suddenly, Mary bursts into tears, “Lou, I don’t think I’m up to doing this today.” It’s difficult for Louis to understand her through the sobs.

 

Louis’ a little shocked, Mary has been so together for so long now. It’s jarring to see her openly upset. Louis stares at her dumbly.

 

“Louis!” she yells at him suddenly, tears still streaming down her face, “I don’t want to be here anymore. Can you take me home, please?”

 

That successfully jolts Louis out of his stupor, “Yeah! Yes, of course I can. We don’t have to do this today.”

 

Mary doesn’t stop crying the whole way home.

 

It’s only once they’re sitting in Mary’s living room that Mary’s sobs begin to subside.

 

“Are you feeling better now, love?” Louis questions cautiously.

 

Mary turns towards him angrily, “Better, Louis? No, not really. My son is dead.”

 

To say Louis is taken aback, both by Mary’s harsh tone and by the directness of her words, would be an understatement.

 

“He is.” Louis agrees warily.

 

“He wasn’t even twenty four. His birthday was still a week away.” Rage is burning in Mary’s eyes.

 

“I know that Mary.” Louis reasons, “If there’s anybody in the world who knows all of this as well as you do, it’s me. It was terrible, and unfair, but we have to try to move on as best we can. It’s what Aaron would have wanted.”

 

“Do you want to know what I think is ‘unfair’?” Louis has never seen Mary this furious before. Not even when he and Aaron had taken her brand new car out for a joyride when they were 14, and wrecked it. “I think it’s unfair that you can go out and get yourself a new husband any time you want, but I’m never, ever going to get a new son.”

 

Louis just stares at her open-mouthed. Mary glares back at him defiantly.

 

“I’m sorry, d’you want to run that one by me again?” Louis asks coldly, when he’s finally capable of speech.

 

“You heard me, Louis.”

 

“I did. But I’m pretty sure I must have misunderstood, because it _sounded_ like you were implying that I’m trying to replace Aaron.”

 

“Aren’t you? Jay told me at breakfast about your little date on Friday. Went on and on about how _happy_ she is to see you finally moving on.” Mary’s tone is highly accusatory.

 

Louis feels like his eyeballs are about to pop out his head. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this angry before in his life, “Yes Mary. I went on a date. It was the second one I’ve been on since Aaron died, and it was only marginally less awful than the first. I spent literally every moment of it comparing the poor guy to my dead husband, and I pretty much had an emotional breakdown when I got home that night.”

 

Mary remains unmoved, “So? There’ll be other dates. Other men. One of these days you’re going to end up with somebody. And they’re going to fall in love with you and with Rory, because of course they will. And they’re going to have their own families, their own parents and siblings. And you’re going to forget all about some poor, old, lonely woman in Doncaster whose son you used to love.”

 

There are so many things wrong with that statement Louis doesn’t even know where to start. Used to love? It would be easier for Louis to cut out a piece of his own heart than it would for him to stop loving Aaron. Still he decides to address the more immediate concern, “You really think I’d take Rory away and forget about you.”

 

“Absolutely!” Mary spits back viciously, “You’ve done it before. What’s stopping you from doing it again?”

 

Louis physically flinches at her words. There are few things he’s more ashamed of than the way he’d ignored Mary’s calls in the months after Rory was born.

 

Silence stretches out between them for several minutes, until Mary finally breaks the stalemate.

 

“I want you out of my house, Louis.” She briskly declares, before turning around and storming upstairs. Louis hears the door to her bedroom slam.

 

 

*****

 

 

The drive back to Manchester seems to take forever. Rory screams the whole way, almost like he can tell something isn’t right.

 

Louis’ mother had been confused by the dark expression on her son’s face when he’d come by to pick up Rory. He’d ignored all of her questions though, silently putting Rory in his car seat, before giving a perfunctory goodbye to each of his siblings.

 

Louis doesn’t remember making the decision consciously, but he’s less surprised then he should be when he finds himself parked outside of Zayn and Perrie’s apartment building. He carries a now sleeping Rory up to the complex, before being buzzed in by a very confused Perrie. Zayn is waiting for them at his door when Louis and Rory make it to the correct floor. He takes one look at Louis, before carefully pulling him into warm embrace, mindful of the sleeping baby in his arms. That’s one thing Louis has always appreciated about Zayn, he doesn’t need words, he just knows that sometimes people need comfort. No explanation required.

 

Louis literally cries on Zayn’s shoulder.

 

 

*****

 

 

Some time later, Louis comes to. He’s lying on a bed, wedged between an unconscious Zayn and Perrie. Zayn’s arm is firmly wrapped around his waist and Perrie’s hand is lightly touching his hair, almost as if she’d fallen asleep while stroking it. He can dimly make out the silhouette of Rory, sleeping peacefully in his travel crib in the far corner of the bedroom.

 

Louis briefly wonders what could have woken him, when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket, presumably not for the first time. Apparently he’d fallen asleep fully clothed. He carefully reaches for the phone; mindful of the sleeping people he’s entangled with. He’s disappointed to see it’s not Mary calling to clear the air.

 

Still a text from Harry is better than nothing.

 

 **From Harry:** _Sorry for not texting earlier, today’s been super hectic. I still owe you a joke though, so brace yourself, this one’s a doozy._

**From Harry:** _What does Miley Cyrus eat at Thanksgiving?_

**From Harry:** _Twerky!!!!_

**From Harry:** _I know! I know! Hold your applause. I am aware of my genius. Hope you had an excellent day Lou xx._

Louis snorts derisively at the irony of Harry’s parting statement, but otherwise feels marginally better. He wonders fleetingly when Harry’s texts became such an integral part of his day, before falling back into Zayn and Perrie’s comforting arms.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so much for all of the lovely comments on the last chapter! It's so good to know people are actually reading and enjoying this story. Hopefully this chapter lives up to your expectations.

“More cereal?” Zayn’s eyes bore into Louis’ across the breakfast table as he holds out a box of cornflakes.

 

Louis smiles back at him sweetly “No thanks, Zee.”

 

Louis will not break. He will not acknowledge the pointed way Zayn is looking at him, and he will not give him what he wants.

 

Louis stands up and places his empty cereal bowl in the sink, “Listen man, even with Perrie taking Rory to daycare, I’ve really got to get going if I want to make it to work on time. Thanks for letting us stay the night, you’re the best.” Louis leans down to press a kiss to Zayn’s forehead before moving towards the door.

 

Zayn grabs Louis’ arm before he can get too far, “Louis, we are going to talk about what happened last night eventually. I hope you realise that.”

 

Louis stares back at him blankly.

 

“Louis! You cannot seriously expect me to let this go. Something happened yesterday. You haven’t been that inconsolably sad in ages!”

 

Louis tilts his head, a thoughtful expression on his face, “Is ‘inconsolably’ a word? Like, I know inconsolable is. Obviously. But is that a valid way of conjugating it? It just sounds weird, don’t ya think? Inconsolably…”

 

Zayn is unmoved by Louis’ very convincing argument, “Fine. If that’s how you’re gonna play it I can’t stop you. Just know that if you walk out of this room right now, you will only be delaying the inevitable.”

 

Louis can’t stop a frown from briefly furrowing his features. He covers it with a bland smile as soon as he regains control of his face, “No idea what you’re talking ‘bout mate. Thank Pez for her help with Rory when you see her, yeah?”

 

Louis rushes out of the flat before Zayn can witness any more cracks in his composure.

 

 

*****

 

 

For once, Louis is extremely grateful for Simon’s smothering perfectionism. With less than a week to go before the album launch party, Simon is a walking, talking ball of unrealistic expectations and stress. He’s barely given Louis enough room to breathe, let alone think about his mess of a life. Louis may love him a little.

 

“Louis! Did you hear me? I really think we should consider changing the caterers. I know you say they’ve been consistently excellent at all of the events you’ve done in the past. But I was talking to a friend of mine over the weekend, and he’s pretty sure he went to a wedding they did a few years ago. He said the chicken was very dry. How difficult would it be to get new caterers by Friday?”

 

Louis smiles at Simon placidly, “Pretty difficult, I’d say. Impossible probably. We were lucky to get the caterers we’ve got, honestly. I don’t think anybody else good would be free to take on such a big job, on a Friday, at such short notice.”

 

Simon doesn’t look particularly impressed by Louis’ answer, ”Fine. But it’ll be on your head if everything goes to shit. Dry chicken is unacceptable, Louis. Unacceptable.”

 

“Unacceptable. Got it.” Louis nods serenely.

 

Simon seems a little taken aback by Louis’ total lack of reaction, “I’ve got some more concerns I want to talk to you about, but I feel like we could both use a break. Could you go get us some coffee? The usual for me.”

 

Louis smiles at him again, “Of course, Simon. I’ll be right back. I promise we’ll go through all of your concerns in detail. It’s my job to make you happy.”

 

Louis walks past a slightly shell-shocked Simon and towards Liam.

 

“Liam, mate. The stage is looking wicked!” The construction is done; Liam’s just working through the tedious sanding and painting part of the project now.

 

“Thanks Louis, it should be finished by the end of the day, tomorrow afternoon at the latest. Then I’ll be free to move on to some of the smaller jobs.”

 

“Excellent work, Li!” Louis exclaims, perhaps a little overenthusiastically, “I’m heading out to get some coffee, D’you want your usual?”

 

“Sure…” Liam looks at Louis a little incredulously. He seems to be in the midst of some kind of internal debate, “Listen, Lou. I know we don’t know each other that well, and you can totally tell me to back off if I’m overstepping. But are you ok mate? You just seem a little… off today.”

 

Poor Liam. It’s true. They don’t know each other well. As such it’s impossible for Liam to know that there is currently no question in the world that Louis is more tired of hearing than “are you ok?”. It’s been a constant in his life for more than a year now. It’d been particularly overused over the course of his weekend in Doncaster, and Louis is so fucking sick of hearing it.

 

Every time somebody asks _that_ question, it feels like a knife is being forced directly into Louis’ chest. It’s a reminder of what Louis has lost. It’s proof that his attempts to cover the places where he’s broken are in vain. Everyone can see through his act, even people who don’t know _what’s_ wrong, can still tell that there’s _something_ wrong. Louis is not ok.

 

And fucking Mary still hasn’t bloody fucking called him and it’s 2 o’fucking clock in the afternoon!

 

“You know what Liam? You can just fuck right off. Get back to work and mind your own business, yeah?”

 

With that, Louis storms out of the building, leaving a startled Liam in his wake.

 

Why hasn’t Mary called yet? Louis knows that she was angry yesterday, furious and overwhelmed. Honestly, Louis can relate. But their relationship is beyond petty arguments. They’re family. Mary has been a second mother to Louis for most of his life. He thought her love was unconditional. Fuck. What if it’s not unconditional?

 

Louis finds himself outside of Penny Lane café. He needs a distraction, something to take his mind off of the awful, toxic things in his head.

 

Lunch hour is over, so the place is actually pretty quiet. Louis quickly takes in his surroundings, and would you look at that? Beautiful barista boy is back. He’s standing behind the counter, stacking clean coffee cups on top of the espresso machine. The headscarf in his hair has some kind of floral pattern today. He looks the very epitome of a distraction.

 

Barista boy spots Louis staring at him, and grins back widely, showing off straight white teeth and… Christ, are those dimples? Louis would very much like to fuck him. Wait, where did that come from?

 

“Yorkshire! You’re back!” barista boy exclaims delightedly, “Still working with the evil record exec, I see.”

 

Louis smiles back at him, “Indeed, I’m his hostage ‘til Friday. I can almost taste the freedom. Can’t believe you still remember me, must be a week since I was last here when you were working.”

 

Barista boy’s grin grows impossibly wider, “You must seriously overestimate how many beautiful men walk through this café if you think I could forget your face in a week.”

 

So, barista boy is flirting with Louis. Maybe he wants to fuck Louis too. Maybe they could fuck each other. Maybe this is a thing that could actually happen? Louis is single, technically. He’s supposed to be going on another date with Steve the lawyer this weekend, but they’re nowhere near the monogamy stage yet. And Aaron is… yeah, maybe it’s best not to think about Aaron when Louis’ considering sexually destroying pretty boys in headscarves.

 

“Same order as last time, Yorkshire?” Harry breaks through Louis’ train of thought.

 

“Yes please, mate.” Louis answers automatically, before processing exactly what it is he’s been asked, “Wait a second, are you seriously saying you remember my exact order from a week ago?”

 

Barista boy nods, his dark brown curls bouncing a little as he starts making Louis’ coffees.

 

“How?” Louis asks incredulously, “You’ve got to go through hundreds of coffee orders a day. How is it possible for you to remember my specific order from a week ago?”

 

Barista boy shrugs, “Dunno really, ‘ve always had a really good memory for stupid, pointless things. Not for the contents of my biology textbooks, unfortunately.” His entire demeanour shifts from nonchalant to overwhelmingly charming in about two seconds flat, “Plus, you really do have a very lovely, very memorable face.”

 

Louis can feel himself blush, “So ‘s that why you keep calling me ‘Yorkshire’, then? It’s from my tea order.”

 

Barista boy winks at him, “Something like that. Don’t have anything else to call you now do I?”

 

Right, names should be exchanged. Louis probably shouldn’t be fucking somebody he can only refer to as Barista Boy.

 

Louis smiles in what he hopes is a seductive way, “My name’s Lou…”

 

He’s rudely interrupted by a very loud, very blond person vaulting over the counter, and careening into pretty barista boy.

 

“Mate!” the person shouts directly into barista boy’s ear, “You will never guess whose party we’ve been invited to this Friday night.”

 

He’s obnoxiously Irish too.

 

Barista boy grimaces at the assault on his auditory system, “Niall, inside voice please. And you’re right, I’ll never guess, so you should probably just tell me.”

 

The boy, Niall apparently, pouts, “You’re no fun. But I’ll tell you anyway, because I love you.” He pauses, seemingly to build the dramatic tension, “It’s Barbara’s, she texted me about it today. Fuck. I told you she wanted me. I am so fucking in. Are you free?”

 

Barista boy frowns thoughtfully, “I dunno, man. You know the café’s open late on Friday. I don’t close up ‘til 11, so I probably wouldn’t be able to make it before midnight.”

 

Niall waves a hand dismissively, “Who gives a fuck? Nothing good happens at these things before midnight anyway. Just meet me there when you can.”

 

Louis notices that barista boy has completed his order, so he picks up the takeaway tray and tries to make a stealthy exit.

 

“Wait, Yorkshire!” Barista boy looks at Louis like he has something important to say, but seemingly decides against it, “I’ll see you around, yeah?”

 

Louis smiles at him, “Sure thing mate. Have a good day.”

 

 

*****

 

 

Later, when Louis’ at home, going through a picture book with an increasingly sleepy Rory, he gets a text from Harry.

 

 **From Harry:** _A Yorkshireman takes his cat to the vet. ‘Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat’, he says. ‘Is it a tom?’ the vet asks. ‘Nay, I’ve browt’ it wi’ us’ The Yorkshireman replies._

**To Harry:** _Harold! No need to be getting brave about Yorkshire accents. Maybe you’re the one who talks funny. Ever consider that?_

**From Harry:** _Oh no, I appear to have hit a nerve. You a Yorkshire boy then?_

**To Harry:** _I can neither confirm, nor deny any of the aforementioned accusations._

**From Harry:** _No need to be getting pissy, Lou. I happen to love a Yorkshire accent. They’re cute!_

**To Harry:** _Shove off Harry. I’m not cute. I’m manly as hell._

Rory starts getting restless in Louis’ arms. It really is time Louis put his exhausted baby to bed.

 

 **To Harry:** _gtg, mate. Speak to you later, yeah?_

**From Harry:** _No worries Lou. And I would never dream of insulting your manliness ;)_

*****

 

It’s Friday morning and Louis doesn’t think he’s ever felt this stressed in his life. The party is tonight, and it feels awfully like Louis’ entire career depends upon how successfully the next 18 hours go.

 

The event space is absolutely packed with people, setting up chairs and tables and lights. Louis has just gotten off the phone with an incredibly unhelpful florist, who had no good explanation as to why the flowers were going to be arriving two hours late, despite what she kept insisting. Liam is across the room, helping set up tables even though it’s in no way part of his job description, occasionally sending cautious glances in Louis’ direction.

 

Liam’s a good guy. Louis still hasn’t apologised to him for his outburst the other day, he should really get on that.

 

“Liam!” Louis yells across the room, “Can you come over here for a sec, we need to have a chat.”

 

Liam looks up from where he’s testing the sturdiness of his most recently erected table, and nervously moves towards Louis. The bloke’s got muscles like a fucking bodybuilder, but right now he resembles a sad, overgrown puppy. Louis feels even more terrible for losing it at him.

 

Liam starts talking before Louis can even begin his apology, “Louis, I am so sorry about Monday. I was totally out of line. I guess I just thought we were kind of friends? Like, I really like you, and I was worried, cause you weren’t really acting like yourself. But I realise now that I just totally misread our relationship. The thing is, I’m not too good at the whole friend thing, to be honest. Like, I’ve not really had a lot of friends in the past, so it makes sense that I’d read everything wrong, and do everything wrong, and I’m just really, really sorry.”

 

Louis can only stare back at Liam, flabbergasted.

 

“Ok, I’m glad I got that out. I hope we can continue to have a good working relationship.” Liam nods to himself, and then moves back as if to set up some more tables.

 

Louis finally manages to pull himself together enough to speak, “Liam, wait!” God, Louis is such a massive dick, “I’m the one who should be apologising. You were just being sweet, and concerned and I was such a cunt to you. Please don’t feel like you did anything wrong. There’s just a lot of… stuff going on in my life right now, and I took it out on you. It wasn’t fair, and I’m sorry.”

 

Mary still hasn’t called. Louis isn’t thinking about it.

 

Liam smiles at Louis hesitantly, “Really?”

 

Louis pulls Liam into a big, definitely inappropriate for the workplace, hug, “Yes Li, I mean it,” he assures, “And if you’ll still have me, I would love to be your friend. I think you’d be a really excellent mate to have. You could protect me in bar fights and everything.”

 

Louis pulls back and takes in Liam’s bright smile, “I’d really like that, Lou. Thank you.”

 

“Please don’t thank me mate. I’m an arsehole, you’re the one doing me a favour.”

 

Liam’s grin is so big, Louis’ mildly concerned his face may crack.

 

 

*****

 

 

Against all odds, the album launch party goes amazingly well. The 5SOS boys, the band this is all for, are positively glowing with happiness. Even Simon seems pleased.

 

Louis did a good job, his reputation is intact, and Katherine will be impressed. But he’s miserable. This giant project has been consuming so much of Louis’ effort that he’s barely had time for anything else. This week, Louis has either been in really intense work mode, or super dedicated dad mode. He’s had no time to stop and think about his own mess of life, and he’s been incredibly grateful for that. The successful culmination of this party brings no sense of achievement, just the knowledge that now, Louis has no excuse not to confront his problems.

 

Louis had promised Zayn he would explain what had happened on Sunday that resulted in him crying on Zayn’s doorstep, as soon as the album launch party was done. He’s going to have a field day when Louis comes by to pick up Rory in the morning. Louis knows he should be grateful to Zayn and Perrie for giving up two Friday nights in a row to look after Louis’ son, plus they’re taking Rory again on Sunday afternoon when Louis goes on his second date with Steve the lawyer. Right now though, Louis kind of hates Zayn. Why does he have to be such a good and perceptive friend, who notices when Louis is hurting and makes him talk through his problems? It’s quite inconsiderate of him really.

 

Louis spots Simon across the dance floor, bopping along awkwardly to whatever crowd pleaser the DJ happens to be playing at the moment. He must see Louis looking at him though, as he stops his movements and stumbles through dancing bodies to get to Louis.

 

“Louis!” He exclaims cheerfully. This is without a doubt, the most laid back Louis has seen Simon over the course of their two week acquaintance, he honestly seems like a completely different person. Ain’t alcohol a beautiful thing?

 

“Simon!” Louis returns, just as enthusiastically.

 

Simon lets out an honest to God giggle at that. Louis is only a little disturbed.

 

“Everything has gone rather brilliantly tonight, wouldn’t you say?” Simon finally gets out once he’s regained his composure.

 

Louis smiles at him in a way he hopes comes off as genuine, “I would say.”

 

Simon considers Louis for a moment, looking him up and down, “You know what I just realised, Louis? You’re really quite young, aren’t you?”

 

Louis looks back at him, confused, “I mean, yeah. I’m twenty four, that’s still kinda young, I guess?”

 

Simon looks at Louis seriously, though his eyes are a little unfocused “Louis. That is way too young to be working on a Friday night. Look it’s only…” Simon glances down at his watch, “10:30. The night is young! You’ve done all the organisational stuff. All of the hard work is over. I can honestly take it from here. Go out and have fun!”

 

Louis is feeling a little discombobulated by this conversation. Has Simon managed to get some kind of personality transplant? That’s the only possible explanation.

 

“It’s fine, Simon. I’m definitely not missing out or anything. I haven’t gone out and partied on a Friday night in years. I don’t mind working.”

 

Simon looks appalled, “Seriously, Louis? Years?”

 

Louis nods.

 

Simon’s face shifts to determined, finally he resembles the Simon Louis knows and… tolerates. “Well that settles it. Get out of here this instant Tomlinson. Go out. Have fun. Be young.”

 

“Are you being serious right now?” Louis asks incredulously.

 

“As a heart attack.” Simon replies.

 

At that Simon starts physically pushing Louis towards the party’s entrance. Once there, he drags Louis through the door and turns towards the security guard, “Don’t let this man back into the party tonight, alright?”

 

The security guard that _Louis bloody hired in the first place_ nods at Simon in understanding.

 

“Listen Louis, I’ve very much enjoyed working with you, and I look forward to doing it again in the future. Now go and have some fun!”

 

Simon turns back towards the party, and the door is slammed in Louis’ gaping face.

 

Before Louis can regain even a modicum of composure, the door swings open again and Simon’s head peeks out, “And don’t forget, you have to supervise clean up in the morning. Everything has to be spotless by 2pm tomorrow afternoon, ok?”

 

Then the door is slammed in Louis’ face for a second time.

 

Louis slowly turns towards the security guard, “Did that seriously just happen?”

 

The security guard shrugs indifferently.

 

 

 

*****

 

 

So that’s how Louis ends up wandering the streets, in a part Manchester he’s not too familiar with, at 10:45pm.

 

It’s pure instinct that leads Louis to the only other place in the area he even slightly knows, the Penny Lane Café. Surprisingly, when Louis gets there, it still appears to be open. But then, maybe that’s not so surprising after all. Louis vaguely remembers pretty barista boy telling his loud Irish friend that this place was open late on Fridays. He’d also mentioned that he’d be working, if Louis recalls correctly.

 

Sure enough, when Louis opens the door to the café he is confronted by the rather overwhelming sight of barista boy’s smiling face.

 

“Yorkshire! You’re back!” Barista boy seems pretty happy to see Louis.

 

“That I am, mate. How’s your night been?”

 

Barista boy sighs heavily, “Long and boring, all the better for seeing you though. How ‘bout yours?”

 

Louis contemplates the question for a moment, “Weird. But also good, maybe? I may need some time to process it all if I’m honest.”

 

Barista boy’s brow furrows, he looks very contemplative, “That sounds like one hell of a night, mate. But it also sounds like a kind of long story.” He looks down at his watch and frowns, “Look, I really hate to be rude but I was honestly just about to start packing up when you came in. Normally it wouldn’t be a problem for me to stick around late, but the thing is, my mate Niall, you met Niall the other day, didn’t you? Anyway, Niall is ridiculously keen to get into this girl’s pants, but he’s convinced he can’t do it without my help.” Barista boy pauses and makes a strange face, “That sounded really weird didn’t it? I swear it’s not weird. He just wants me as a wingman, yeah? Anyway, normally I’d love to hear your story, ‘cause you seem really cool, and you’re also really fucking hot. Have I mentioned that I think you’re hot before? ‘Cause I really, really do. But tonight isn’t really a good night for me.”

 

Wow, that was a lot of information to process in one go. Also barista boy talks really slowly. Louis can understand why having an in depth conversation with him is out of the question when there’s a time limit.

 

Barista boy seems genuinely upset at the prospect of letting Louis down. It’s kind of ridiculous, they barely know each other, “I’m really very sorry, Yorkshire. If you’re around next week you can tell me all about it then?”

 

Louis shakes his head, “Sorry mate. I finish up working with Simon tomorrow, and I’m not often in this neck of the woods otherwise.”

 

Barista boy’s frown deepens at that. It disappears a moment later though, as if he’s figured out a solution to a particularly difficult conundrum, “That’s alright, mate. I’ll just have to give you my number. That way you can call, and we can discuss the events of tonight, or any other night at your leisure. Maybe I can even take you out sometime?”

 

Barista boy is positively oozing with charm now. It reminds Louis just how badly he wants to sleep with him. Having his number certainly seems like a critical step towards achieving that goal.

 

“That sounds like an excellent solution to me.” Louis smiles at the beautiful boy in a way he hopes doesn’t come off as too lecherous.

 

Barista boy smiles back, tears off a page from the notebook they write the coffee orders in, and picks up the pen beside it. Once he’s finished writing, he hands the slip of paper to Louis with a grin.

 

The thing is, Louis’ only bothered to memorise two mobile numbers in his life.

 

It all came about because he read some horror story about a guy who got arrested in the States. The guy had his phone confiscated obviously, so when it came time to make his one call, he didn’t have access to his phonebook. He hadn’t been able to remember any of his friends or family's numbers, and had been forced to stay in lock up for over a week until someone finally thought to come looking for him at the police station.

 

The story is probably an urban legend, and almost certainly doesn’t even apply in England. Even so, something about it had stuck with Louis. He’d immediately memorised the numbers of the only two people he’d need to call if ever he ended up in jail: His mother and Aaron.

 

So when barista boy nonchalantly hands Louis a slip of paper with one of the only two numbers he knows off by heart on it, innocuously signed ‘Harry xx.’, Louis is a little taken aback.

 

“Harry?” Louis gasps.

 

“That’s my name,” barista boy… no, Harry replies happily.

 

“No!” Louis shouts. All of Louis’ blood seems to have rushed to his head, he feels a little dizzy, “I mean you’re him! You’re Harry!”

 

Harry’s looking at Louis a little bit like he regrets giving him any of his personal information, “That’s right mate” he says warily, “I’m Harry”.

 

“NO!” Louis’ feeling a little crazed now, “You don’t understand, you’re him! You’re the Harry I’ve been texting.”

 

Harry still looks very confused.

 

Louis takes a deep breath and composes himself, “I’m Louis. We’ve been texting for a couple of weeks now.”

 

He sees it the moment Harry finally understands what Louis’ saying. Harry’s entire face goes slack, and his mouth drops open in shock.

 

“Louis…?”


	5. Five

Harry and Louis have been staring at each other for several minutes now. Harry’s mouth is still hanging open, and neither of them has said a word in some time. It’s like they’re lost in their own little world.

 

The bubble abruptly bursts when Harry’s phone rings. It’s some ridiculously indie tune Louis couldn’t identify if he wanted to. Harry seems to be working on autopilot when he reaches into the pocket of his insanely skinny jeans (and seriously, how does such a massive hand fit into such a tight space?), and pulls out his phone.

 

“Hello?” If Louis thought Harry’s voice was deep under normal circumstances, right now it’s positively Barry White-esque.

 

Harry clears his throat and tries again, “Sorry. Hi, what’s up?”

 

The person on the other end of the line must have quite a lot to say because it’s some time before Harry gets a chance to reply, “Yes mate, I know I’m late. It’s just… something’s kinda come up?”

 

There’s another very long pause before Harry speaks again, “Niall, I am so sorry. I know I promised, but I’m not sure I’m going to be able to make it after all.” Harry sends Louis a furtive glance.

 

Louis can vaguely hear the guy on the other end of the line now, he doesn’t sound particularly impressed. Harry sighs, “But you don’t need me Niall! I believe in you. You can do this by yourself.”

 

Another, shorter pause and then, “Because I’ve run into a… friend?”

 

The next pause goes on for a long time, Harry starts shaking his head, “I dunno, bro. I mean, I could ask him I guess?” Harry looks at Louis contemplatively.

 

The voice on the other end of the phone is speaking very loudly and quickly now, Harry’s looking a little overwhelmed, “Alright, Niall. I’ll do my best. Now calm the fuck down, ok? Barbara isn’t going to want to get anywhere near your dick if it looks like you’re in the middle of a panic attack… Ok, I love you too. I’ll text you once everything’s sorted on my end.”

 

Harry hangs up the phone and looks up at Louis, a devastatingly charming smile plastered on his face, dimples popping out.

 

“So, Louis. I don’t suppose you’d want to come with me to a party tonight?”

 

 

*****

 

 

Twenty minutes later, Louis finds himself in one of the halls of residence at Manchester University, sitting in the common area outside of Harry’s bedroom.

 

Harry had insisted that he needed to come back and have a shower to get rid of the smell of sweat from a hard day at work. Louis had thought Harry already smelt pretty good. He kept that little titbit to himself.

 

Harry’s in his room getting changed right now, he’s probably naked. Louis’ not thinking about it.

 

Seriously though, what the fuck is Louis playing at right now? He’s a fucking father! Even if Rory is safely ensconced with Zayn and Perrie, that doesn’t mean Louis’ allowed to act like his son doesn’t exist. Parents aren’t supposed to disappear into the night with strangers and go to random uni parties. Parents probably aren’t supposed to lust after pretty boys who are probably teenagers either, and yet here Louis is.

 

“Hey Harry, mate?” Louis yells abruptly at the closed bedroom door.

 

“Yeah Lou, what’s up?”

 

“How old are you?” Wow, that did not come out as subtly as Louis had hoped.

 

Harry comes out of the bedroom. He’s dressed in a different pair of incredibly tight black jeans, a plain white t-shirt and a dark blue plaid shirt. It’s the first time Louis’ seen him without a headscarf on, his fringe gelled up into a outrageously high quiff instead. His t-shirt dips loosely, exposing these insanely beautiful, tattooed collarbones. He’s looking less like the pretty barista boy Louis’ built up some kind of immunity to, and more like a catastrophically sexy runway model. Louis is so insanely fucked. _Please let him be an appropriate age._

Harry notices Louis giving him a onceover and smiles very smugly, “I’m 22, this is my last year at uni.”

 

Louis tries not to audibly sigh with relief at that. That’s _so_ fucking appropriate. Two years is nothing.

 

Harry gives him quizzical look, “So the party’s at a house just off campus, it’s only like, a fifteen minute walk. Are you ready?”

 

This is such a bad idea, Louis is so out of his depth.

 

“Sure, let’s go!”

 

They leave the building and walk out onto the campus. Harry knocks Louis’ shoulder with his own, “So this is all really fucking weird, isn’t it.”

 

Louis laughs, “You could say that, mate. I’m not entirely sure what to make of it all if I’m honest.”

 

Harry nods, “I’m right there with you on that one.” He pauses, like he’s considering whether or not he should say what he’s thinking aloud. He stops walking and turns to Louis, a serious expression on his face, “Louis, do you believe in fate?”

 

The question unnerves Louis greatly. The thing is, when Louis was younger, he was a big believer in fate. It was fate that brought him Aaron, after all.

 

Now, he’s not so sure. If fate exists then she’s a bit of a callous bitch in Louis’ humble opinion.

 

“Not anymore.” Louis declares, sounding a lot more certain than he feels. Harry looks taken aback by the ferocity of Louis’ proclamation, so he tries to soften his tone, “Why do you ask, Harry?”

 

“It’s just…” Harry seems a little reluctant to voice his thoughts, but he perseveres nonetheless, “It’s just, don’t you think it’s a little odd that we kind of met in two ways simultaneously? Like, you texted me by accident, and we talked a bit, and that was pretty random in itself. But then, like, less than 24 hours later, you just so happen to walk into some café that you’ve never been to before, and we meet for real, and talk some more. I dunno. I mean I know it’s probably a coincidence, but…” Harry sighs and shrugs his shoulders, “It just maybe seemed a little fate-ish? Ignore me though, I’m probably being stupid.”

 

It’s true technically, but it doesn’t _seem_ true. Louis’ having such a hard time reconciling the Harry he’s been texting for weeks, and the pretty barista boy he’s been lusting after. They still seem like two completely different people, two separate entities with very little in common.

 

Harry shrugs again and continues walking. Louis follows. Both of them are quiet for a while, walking out of the darkened university grounds and towards a more residential area. The air feels tense. Louis doesn’t like it.

 

“So,” Louis begins when the silence starts to get stifling, “Do you know many of the people at the party tonight?” Louis grimaces, it’s such an obvious attempt to break the heavy atmosphere. Why is Louis so shit at talking?

 

Harry smiles politely, “A few, yeah. This isn’t really a crowd I hang out with often, but you know how it goes at uni. It’s a small world, everyone knows everyone else somehow.”

 

Louis shrugs, he doesn’t really know. He’d gone to a couple of uni parties with Aaron and Zayn back in the day, but he hadn’t really enjoyed them. He’d hated the superior looks people got on their faces when Louis would explain that he didn’t actually _go_ to uni, he was just there with his student boyfriend.

 

They lapse into awkward silence again, Harry sending the occasional furtive look at Louis as they walk. The house where the party is obviously being held suddenly comes into view. Cars are parked haphazardly along the street, and loud music is spilling out of the windows.

 

Harry turns unexpectedly to Louis with a cheeky grin, “Hey Lou, what did the house wear to the party?”

 

Louis finds himself matching Harry’s grin, “I dunno, mate. But I have a feeling you’re about to tell me.”

 

Harry’s smile widens, “Address!”

 

Louis bursts into peals of laughter, “Christ Harold! You are the absolute worst. Where do you even find all of these shitty, terrible jokes? Do you go out looking for them, or do they find you?”

 

Harry’s eyes are positively twinkling, “What can I say, Lou? We somehow find each other. It’s fate.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes and Harry looks ridiculously proud.

 

The tension is effectively broken from there.

 

 

*****

 

 

So, Louis is drunk. Like, really, really insanely drunk. As in, hasn’t been this plastered in at least five years, level drunk.

 

The party is awesome. Everyone is so much friendlier than Louis remembers the university students of the past being. Harry’s friend Niall in particular is proper wicked. He’s been making Louis these remarkable drinks all night, including something he mysteriously calls his ‘magic punch’.

 

Speaking of, where the fuck is Niall? He’d been here just a moment ago.

 

Louis does a quick inspection of the room and finds the blond boy, pushed up against an incredibly beautiful brunette. They appear to be engaging in a particularly energetic round of tonsil hockey. Eventually the two figures pull apart and the brunette whispers something into Niall’s ear. It must be pretty good, as Niall starts nodding so vigorously, Louis’ vaguely worried the boy’s head may fall off. As the brunette starts to pull Niall upstairs, the boy turns briefly to send a triumphant grin at Louis, before throwing a not at all subtle thumbs-up in a different direction. Louis’ body works on autopilot, and turns in the same direction as Niall’s gesture.

 

Harry.

 

As Louis’ gotten drunker, he’s found himself unconsciously turning towards Harry more and more. Almost like they’re magnets.

 

Harry notices Louis ogling at him, and smiles. He’s just so fucking pretty. Though Louis doesn’t remember him being quite so fuzzy around the edges. Maybe Louis should stop drinking.

 

“You look like you’re having a good time.” So apparently Harry is directly in front of him. When did that happen? Maybe Harry can teleport.

 

“This is so much fun!” Louis exclaims, at possibly too high a volume, “Why don’t I do this kind of thing more often? I mean I know _why._ Like, I have to be responsible, and all that. But this is so much fucking _fun_ Harry. Are you having fun?”

 

Harry looks amused, “I am having fun, Lou. Now I think maybe you and I should go into the kitchen and get some water.”

 

That may just be the worst suggestion Louis’ heard in his life. “Water, Harry? Fuck water. Water’s for pussies. I wanna dance.”

 

Louis tugs Harry into the living room, where about ten couples are moving together to the beat of a slow, dirty song with lots of bass. Louis pulls Harry close, puts his arms around Harry’s neck, and starts moving his hips in time with the music. He doesn’t have to reach up quite as high as he did when he used to dance with Aaron like this.

 

Louis isn’t thinking about it.

 

He’s also not thinking about how not-brown Harry’s eyes are, or how Harry’s hair doesn’t fall into sandy blond waves, or how Harry’s lips are just a touch too pink.

 

Suddenly, those overly-pink lips, are directly on top of Louis’. Just touching them softly, like a question. Apparently, Louis doesn’t give a satisfactory answer, as all too soon, Harry’s pulling back. Searching Louis’ eyes for… something.

 

“Was that ok?” Harry asks cautiously, “Fuck. I’ve misread the moment, haven’t I? I just thought that maybe you wanted…”

 

“Shut up.” Louis interrupts as he pulls Harry back in where his hands are still resting on the back of his neck, and covers Harry’s mouth with his own.

 

Louis’ head is a mess of noise. There are so many thoughts and feelings rushing through him, that he can barely breathe. It feels a little bit like drowning.

 

But then Harry’s opening his mouth, and his beautiful, wet tongue is exploring Louis’ mouth, and Louis’ mind quiets down significantly, his brain settling into a steady mantra of _want, want, want, need, need, need._

Seemingly of their own volition, Louis’ hips grind upwards. Harry gasps into Louis’ mouth at the sensation. Things become quite desperate after that.

 

“Need to get out of here. Can we go back to your place, Harry? Need you, now.”

 

Louis simultaneously feels drunker and more sober than he ever has before in his life. He feels like he’s floating, the only thing tethering him to earth is how badly he _wants_ Harry. The feeling appears to be mutual if the, hard bulge in Harry’s jeans, currently digging into Louis’ hip, is any indication.

 

Harry pulls back though, putting some distance between their mouths, bodies still plastered to one another.

 

“I don’t know Louis. You’re so drunk. _I’m_ so drunk! I don’t think either of us are in the right frame of mind to make a decision like this right now.”

 

“Please, Harry! I need this. Need you.” Louis punctuates his plea by grinding his hips against Harry’s clothed cock once more. Harry’s eyelashes flutter, his teeth digging into his plump lower lip. Fuck. Louis wants him so much.

 

Once Harry’s regained his composure, he looks down at Louis, and nods minutely, “Let’s get out of here, Lou.”

 

Louis feels like jumping with joy.

 

The walk to Harry’s room seems to go by in a flash. Harry wrapping an arm around Louis’ waist, and walking them back as briskly as their drunken states allow. There’s a determined look in Harry’s eyes. Louis can’t help but feel he’s about to be totally destroyed. It sends a thrill of anticipation tingling up his spine.

 

Once they make it back to the room, Harry turns to Louis, “Lie down on the bed for me, I’ll be back in a second.”

 

Louis scrambles to obey.

 

True to his word, Harry’s only leaves Louis alone for a moment. When he comes back he places something on the bedside table, then leans closer to Louis.

 

Unable to hold off any longer, Louis cups Harry through his jeans, and rubs at his bulge insistently. Harry’s mostly soft after the walk from the party, but Louis should be able to fix that in no time.

 

Harry takes a hold of Louis’ wrist though, and gently pulls his hand away. “Stop, Lou. We’re too drunk for this. You need to get some rest. I’m going to go sleep on one of the couches in the common room.”

 

Louis is in no way proud of the childish whine that escapes his lips at Harry’s words.

 

“Shhhh,” Harry placates, as he presses a sweet kiss to Louis’ forehead, “I left you a glass of water and some paracetamol on the bedside table. You should have it when you wake up, it’ll help with the hangover.”

 

Louis just glares at Harry grumpily.

 

“I know. I wanted it too, babe. But trust me, this is for the best. We’ll talk in the morning when you’ve sobered up a little.”

 

Harry pecks Louis lightly on the lips, and leaves.

 

Louis can only sulk for a few minutes, before he falls into a very deep sleep.

 

 

*****

 

 

When Louis wakes up, it feels like his head is about to explode. Also, where the fuck is he?

 

As he takes in his surroundings, the events of last night come back in a rush. Louis sits up in shock, his stomach roiling in protest at the sudden movement but thankfully not releasing any of its contents.

 

He turns towards the bedside table, and spots the things Harry thoughtfully left for him the night before. He swallows down the two little pills and gratefully gulps down the entire glass of water.

 

As the insistent pounding in Louis’ head begins to ease, he’s able to more fully consider the happenings of the night before. Louis’ always been pretty good at remembering the events of drunken nights, right now he wishes that wasn’t the case.

 

So, Louis’ kind of a ridiculously embarrassing dick. He’d pawed at Harry like an animal, and then pouted like a fucking child when Harry had (very sensibly) suggested that they were too drunk to have sex.

 

Oh God, Harry. How the fuck is Louis supposed to look him in the eye again?

 

Louis sighs, and turns back towards the bedside table to put the water glass down. It’s then that Louis spots the digital clock: 9:37. That’s still pretty early considering how late they’d gotten back last night, but something about it niggles in the back of Louis’ mind. It feels like he’s forgetting something, what is Louis forgetting?

 

Fuck. He’s supposed to be supervising the clean up from last night’s album launch. He was meant to be there to let in, and instruct the cleaning staff at 9am. Even if he rushes, he’s still going to be over an hour late. He’s pretty screwed no matter which way you look at it, really.

 

Louis jumps out of the bed and digs through his pocket to find his phone, expecting to see multiple angry texts from pretty much everyone, ranging from Katherine to Simon to the man in charge of the cleaning staff. The phone however, is surprisingly free from irritated texts and missed calls. Maybe the reception’s weird in Harry’s bedroom, or maybe Louis’ phone is playing up? Either way, Louis should get out of here ASAP.

 

He’s slept fully clothed, so all Louis needs to do is pull on his black vans, which are neatly lined up beside the bed. He’s certain he looks a total mess, and he probably smells even worse, but there’s not really much that can be done about it. Louis combs through his hair with his fingers, as if that’s going to make any meaningful difference, takes a deep breath, and steps out of the relative safety of Harry’s bedroom.

 

He spots him straight away. Harry’s curled up on a sofa way too short to accommodate his lanky frame, fast asleep. His hair’s a mess of curls, his mouth is comically hanging wide open and he’s snoring quietly. He looks beautiful, and so so young. Louis feels like even more of a creep for how appallingly he treated him last night.

 

Briefly, Louis considers just leaving with no explanation. Putting this whole humiliating chapter of his life behind him, and never speaking to Harry again. But then Louis remembers that he’s not actually a total prat, despite his prat-like behaviour from the night before. Also, Harry seems to be a really good guy, he doesn’t deserve to be ditched without any kind of apology, just because Louis’ embarrassed.

 

Louis decides to leave him a note. It’s not a cop out. It’s just that Harry looks so peaceful and content, it would be selfish for Louis to wake him. It’s totally not a cop out.

 

Once Louis’ managed to track down pen and paper, he gets stuck on what he should write.

 

He could go for brutal honesty: _Sorry for basically molesting you last night, mate. Obviously I don’t handle my liquor as well as I used to, and I’m insanely horny because I haven’t experienced an orgasm with another human being in over a year._

Yeah. Maybe that’s not the best course of action. In the end, Louis goes for something a little less blunt:

 

_Hey Harry,_

_Thanks for inviting me to the party last night! I had a great time. May have gone a little too hard on the alcohol though._

_Thank you for seeing me back safely and for letting me use your bed. I’m so sorry for cutting your night short and for my general twatishness. You seem like a really quality bloke, and I hope you managed to have a good night, despite me embarrassing myself all over the place._

_Cheers,_

_Louis_

Not Louis’ most eloquent work, but it’ll have to do. In Louis’ defence, he’s really hung-over and running an hour late.

 

Speaking of, Louis really needs to go. Hopefully he can come up with some kind of plausible excuse for his lateness on the way into work.

 

 

*****

 

 

When Louis finally makes it to the event space, everything appears to be totally under control, which is impossible, because how did the cleaning staff even make it into the building without a key? Also, is that Liam?

 

“Louis! There you are. I knew you were on your way. Are you ok, mate? You don’t look so good. Do you have the flu, or something?” Liam’s brow is furrowed in concern.

 

Louis just feels very confused, “I’m fine Liam. I mean, I guess I’ve been better, but it’s all self-inflicted pain, nothing contagious. What on earth are you doing here?”

 

Liam still looks concerned, but he answers Louis’ question nonetheless, “Oh, I still had a spare key to the building from when I was doing some afterhours work on the stage. I remembered you mentioning that you’d be here on Saturday morning for clean up duty, so I thought I’d just drop by and give the key back. I arrived at the same time as the cleaners, and let them in. Did I do something wrong?”

 

Louis shakes his head bemusedly. Liam’s the best. Louis would kiss him if his breath didn’t currently smell like sleep and stale alcohol. “Nothing wrong at all, you’ve kind of saved my bacon if I’m honest. Thanks Li.”

 

Liam looks pretty pleased with himself, “Happy to have helped. Now are you sure you’re ok, Lou? You’re looking pretty green, mate.”

 

Louis shrugs noncommittally.

 

Liam nods to himself, “Alright, that settles it. You go home and get yourself back to bed. I’ll supervise the rest of the cleaning.”

 

“No way, Li, this isn’t your job. It’s my own fault I’m feeling so shocking right now, this is my punishment.”

 

Liam’s determined though, “Louis, go home. You’re unwell, so I’m doing you a favour. We’re mates now, this is what mates do. Just buy me a pint sometime and we’ll call it even.”

 

Louis can’t help but press a sloppy kiss on Liam’s cheek at that, stale alcohol breath be damned, “Liam Payne, becoming friends with you may just have been the best decision I’ve ever made.”

 

Liam wipes at his cheek, and smiles widely, eyes crinkling happily.

 

 

*****

 

 

By the time Louis barges into Zayn and Perrie’s apartment the paracetamol from the morning seems to have almost entirely worn off. His headache has come back with a vengeance, and Louis would like nothing more than to sleep for approximately a thousand years. Louis may not be cut out for the partying lifestyle.

 

He spots Zayn immediately and starts talking before his best mate can ask any tricky questions, “Listen Zee, I know I promised to tell you all about what happened last weekend, but I am so hung-over right now, I can barely function. Seriously mate, I swear we will have as long a deep and meaningful conversation as you deem appropriate tomorrow. But right now, I really just want to pick up Rory and go home to wallow in self-pity and regret.”

 

Zayn’s expression is unreadable, “It’s ok, Lou. I already know about what happened last weekend.”

 

Lou stares back at Zayn in shock, “What? How?”

 

“I told him. I hope that’s ok…”

 

A nervous looking Mary walks into the room, Rory chattering happily in her arms.

 

“Hi Lou, how are you?”


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all of the comments! You're all very lovely people.  
> Hope you enjoy the new chapter =)

Mary sits silently in the passenger seat of Louis’ car. Rory’s babbling happily in the backseat, oblivious to the palpable tension within the vehicle.

 

The three of them had left Zayn’s quickly, Mary and Louis mutually deciding that any serious conversations should occur in the relative privacy of Louis’ flat.

 

Apparently Mary had gone straight to Zayn when Louis hadn’t been in his flat that morning. Zayn had been confused to see her, but had explained that Louis was working, and would be back to pick up Rory in a few hours. The whole story of what had happened in Doncaster the previous weekend had supposedly come out of Mary in a rush when Zayn had enquired as to the reason for her visit.

 

“I would have texted you asking you to come back ASAP, but I didn’t want you to think something bad had happened to Rory or something.” Zayn had explained apologetically as Louis gathered Rory’s things.

 

Zayn had given Louis a massive hug on his way out the front door and whispered calming reassurances in his ear. Once again Louis had been reminded of how unbelievably lucky he was to have someone like Zayn in his life.

 

Now, as he drives back to his flat, Louis just feels ill. He doesn’t particularly feel like having this discussion when both his hangover, and the embarrassment from what happened with Harry, are still so immediate. His head is pounding, his stomach churning intermittently. He doesn’t have a choice though, this is going to happen whether Louis’ ready for it or not.

 

After 15 very awkward minutes, they pull up to Louis’ building. Louis parks in the garage, and turns towards Mary.

 

“If you bring in Rory, I’ll carry up the bags?”

 

Mary nods in understanding and moves to pick up her grandson. Meanwhile, Louis grabs Rory’s baby bag and the small suitcase Mary had brought with her. Louis tries very hard not to think about what the presence of that suitcase means.

 

Once they’re in the flat Mary clutches Rory to her chest, and looks around the room uncomfortably, as if she’s not sure what her next move should be.

 

Louis sighs, “Put Rory in his playpen and we’ll go have a chat in the kitchen. Would you like some tea?”

 

Mary smiles and looks relieved, “Yes please, love. Milk and one sugar.”

 

Louis nods, “I remember.”

 

They move into the kitchen, and Louis busies himself with boiling water.

 

“Louis, I am so unbelievably sorry about what I said to you last weekend.” The words burst out of Mary suddenly, as if she can’t physically hold them in any longer, “I know it’s not an excuse, but Sunday was… hard. Harder than I expected it to be.”

 

So apparently they’re diving right into this, Louis can roll with that, “It was hard for me too Mary. I just don’t understand why you felt the need to take it out on me.”

 

Mary smiles bitterly, “It wasn’t fair to you, and I don’t really have a good reason for it. I was just feeling overwhelmed and scared.”

 

Louis looks at Mary in confusion, “Scared?”

 

Mary nods seriously, “Absolutely terrified.”

 

“Of what?”

 

“Of losing you, of losing Rory.” Mary lets out a self-deprecating little snort, “It sounds so stupid, considering how I behaved. I mean, I’m scared of losing the closest thing I have left in the world to a son, so I push him away with all my might. But it’s true.”

 

“I was cruel to you Louis, and you didn’t deserve it. All you ever did was fall in love with my son, and continue to love him through…everything.” Mary takes a steadying breath and pushes on, “The thing is, when I thought about my future, you were always a part of it. You and Aaron and masses of grandchildren for me to look after.” She shakes her head slightly, “But Aaron’s gone now, and I don’t have a claim on you anymore. I need to accept that you’re moving on with your life, and that I’m probably not going to play a big part in it. I’ve already grieved the loss of my son; in a way I’ve been preparing myself for it for years. I guess I just needed some time to grieve the future I thought I was going to have as well.”

 

Louis takes in the woman standing in front of him. She looks vulnerable and small and so much older than Louis ever remembers her being.

 

Apparently unsure how to take Louis’ silence, Mary continues, “I was hoping I might be able to stay here for the rest of the weekend. Spend some time with Rory, and with you if you’d like. But if you want me to leave, I can. No hard feelings either way.”

 

The kettle on the stove begins to whistle, finally snapping Louis out his reverie. The sharp noise makes the pounding in Louis’ head intensify, but right now, he couldn’t care less. He moves to turn off the stovetop then lunges at Mary, wrapping her up in his arms and embracing her tightly.

 

“I’d love for you to stay, Mary. This week has been so horrible, knowing that you were mad at me. You’re like my second mum, you know, and I hated the thought that I was disappointing you somehow.”

 

Mary pulls back from the hug and looks startled, “No, Lou. I’m so unbelievably proud of you. You were so good with Aaron when he was sick, both times. And you’re such a good dad to Rory, under the most difficult circumstances. You could never, ever disappoint me.”

 

That’s all it takes for Louis to break down. Mary doesn’t know. Nobody knows about the dark thoughts that went through his mind in the months after Rory was born. Nobody knows that there were times when Louis looked at his tiny, innocent son and hated him. Louis isn’t a good dad.

 

He collapses into Mary’s arms, sobbing helplessly into her neck. Mary gasps in shock, but quickly recovers and starts rubbing soothing circles into Louis’ back.

 

“That’s it, love. You’re alright, it’s all going to be ok.”

 

Louis doesn’t know how long it takes for him to calm down, but at some point, the tears finally do subside.

 

Distantly, Louis can hear the sounds of his son playing happily with his toys in the living room. It’s ok, Rory doesn’t know. Rory never has to know.

 

“Love,” Mary’s tone is soothing, but firm, “Why don’t you have I lie down? You look exhausted. I can take care of the baby, and make dinner tonight.”

 

Louis nods. He is exhausted, both physically and mentally. His head is still aching unpleasantly, his heart isn’t feeling too fantastic either. A nap sounds perfect.

 

 

*****

 

 

Louis is woken by the sound of his phone ringing loudly. He’s still feeling groggy enough that he answers the call without checking who’s calling.

 

“Hello?” Louis croaks. His voice is rough, both from sleep and from crying earlier.

 

“Hey mate, are you ok? You don’t sound too good.”

 

Harry’s voice is deep and incredibly sexy. It makes Louis’ cheeks burn, whether from arousal or residual embarrassment, Louis can’t really tell.

 

He clears his throat, “Yeah Harry, m’fine.”

 

“That’s good. Listen Louis, I got your note and…”

 

“I’m so sorry for just running out on you this morning,” Louis interrupts quickly, “I was late for work, and you were sleeping and I didn’t want to disturb you and this totally sounds like an excuse and I’m rambling and you can stop me anytime you feel like it, Harold.”

 

Harry’s laugh rumbles through the receiver, “Now why would I do that, Lou? You’re cute when you ramble.”

 

Louis’ blush deepens, is he ever going to stop embarrassing himself in front of Harry? “Have you quite finished, Harold?”

 

Harry laughs again, “I have quite finished. Now can we talk about what happened last night, or are you gonna try and change the subject on me again?”

 

Louis sighs and scrubs a hand through his hair, “Ok, let’s got this over with.”

 

Louis can almost hear Harry’s frown through the phone, “Don’t be like that, Lou. Nothing bad happened, we just need to have a bit of a chat. Clear the air, and all that.”

 

Louis snorts, “You don’t think me acting like an embarrassing drunken idiot counts as something bad happening?”

 

“You weren’t embarrassing, Lou. You were pretty drunk though.” Louis can hear the smile in his voice.

 

“You’re laughing at me! You act all nice and sweet, lull me into a false sense of security and then you laugh at me. What have I ever done to deserve this kind of shoddy treatment?”

 

Harry really is laughing now, “M’not laughing _at_ you, I’m laughing _with_ you.”

 

Harry pauses to regain his composure, “Please don’t be embarrassed about getting drunk. I go to university, Lou. I see people about 10 times as drunk as you were every single weekend. If you didn’t throw up, it barely counts. Also, I left you alone with Niall, it’s basically my fault you got smashed in the first place.”

 

Louis considers this, “Niall’s drinks were proper deadly. I’m very cool with blaming you if you’re willing to take the fall.”

 

Harry sounds relieved, “Sure thing, man. Consider me fully responsible.”

 

There’s a slight pause, but it’s not uncomfortable. Nothing’s really uncomfortable when it comes to Harry, he’s just so chilled out and charming. Harry makes everything seem so easy. Louis really likes him.

 

It’s Harry who breaks the silence, “I really like you, Louis,” There’s a groan, followed by, “Shit. That sounded way more subtle in my head.”

 

Louis smiles, “Relax Haz, I was literally just thinking the same thing.”

 

“That’s awfully conceited of you Louis, thinking about how much you like yourself.”

 

This time it’s Louis’ turn to groan, “My god, Harry! Is it possible to get through one conversation without you making a terrible joke?”

 

“Heeeey! That was barely even a joke. Plus, I’ve repressed the urge to make, like six truly excellent puns. You should be proud of me.”

 

If the smile on Louis’ face turns ridiculously fond, nobody else is there to prove it, “I’m _very_ proud Haz. Who knows? Maybe one day, with extensive rehabilitation, you too can be a fully functioning, non-pun-making member of society.”

 

Harry sighs wistfully, “A boy can only dream.”

 

Louis hears the sound of the front door to his flat opening up, and of Rory squealing at an incredible pitch and volume. Mary had mentioned going out to do some grocery shopping. Apparently they’ve just come back, and Rory isn’t happy.

 

“Oh my god! What’s that noise? Is somebody hurt?”

 

Apparently his son’s capacity to make an immense amount of noise is great enough to be heard through two sets of closed doors and a low-quality phone microphone. Louis is oddly proud.

 

Louis’ about to explain what’s going on, when he remembers: Harry doesn’t know about Rory. Harry doesn’t know anything about Louis’ life really. Oh well, now would probably be a good time to explain things. But, something holds Louis back.

 

The thing is, Harry’s really pretty and he’s such a good kisser, and his body felt so unbelievably good pressed up against Louis’ last night. Louis would quite like to have Harry pressed up against him again, and Harry’s tongue in his mouth. But, Harry’s also a 22 year old uni student, with no real commitments in his life. Harry may be an absolutely lovely guy, everything about him seems sweet and kind, but Louis’ pretty sure there’s not a 22 year old guy in the world who wouldn’t run in the opposite at the mere mention of an almost 1 year old baby.

 

“Nope, nobody’s hurt. I just, um, accidently turned on the TV.” Rory cries out loudly again, “Hey Haz, I’ve really gotta run, but I’ll catch you later, yeah?”

 

“Um, ok then. Maybe we can meet up sometime this week?” Harry sounds a little confused by Louis’ abrupt end to the conversation.

 

“Sure thing, Harry. See ya.”

 

Louis hangs up the phone, and rushes out of the bedroom to help Mary with his screaming son.

 

 

*****

 

 

Louis holds Rory to chest and rocks him soothingly from side to side.

 

“Are you sure you’re ok with looking after him again Mary? Particularly for something like this, I can cancel on Steve, it’s really not a problem.”

 

The smile on Mary’s face is placating, “I told you, it’s fine Lou. I’m always happy to look after Rory, you know that.”

 

Louis notices that she doesn’t say she’s happy to see Louis dating again. He decides to ignore it; it’s not worth the fight.

 

Louis shakes his head, “It’s not just that. I feel like I’ve barely seen Rory this weekend. We’ve not had any father/son bonding time recently, have we little guy? You want me to stay don’t you? You don’t want dada to go, do you Ror?”

 

Rory reaches out a hand and places it on Louis’ cheek, his expression serious, “Dada.”

 

Louis and Mary both stare at Rory. Louis feels so proud he may just burst with it, but there’s something else lying under the surface. Something sad. Aaron should be here for this. Why isn’t Aaron here?

 

Rory’s not finished yet apparently, “Bye bye dada.”

 

Louis turns to Mary, she’s smiling, but there are tears glistening in her eyes too. She’s the physical embodiment of everything Louis’ feeling right now, “I’m not sure whether I should be proud that I’m my son’s first word, or upset that he basically just told me to fuck off.”

 

“Louis! Language!” Mary hisses disapprovingly, “You have to be more careful of what you say around Rory now that he’s talking.”

 

Louis smiles mischievously, “Sorry Mary. He’s right though. I should get going. Text me if he says anything else, yeah?”

 

“I promise. Give him here then.” Mary takes Rory into her arms and walks Louis to the front door, “Say bye bye to dada, Rory. Bye bye dada”

 

Rory turns to Louis and says “Bye bye dada,” clear as day.

 

Louis has never wanted to leave a room less.

 

 

*****

 

 

Louis’ sitting across from Steve the lawyer in an insanely fancy restaurant. They’ve just come out of a movie which had been way too artsy for Louis’ taste, and everything’s feeling a little strained and awkward.

 

Louis’ pretty flexible when it comes to movies, he loves action and comic book films, but he’s also not opposed to a good gross-out comedy, or even the odd rom com. The only kind of movies Louis really hates are the ones where the characters never say what they mean and everything’s supposed to be symbolic. They frustrate him endlessly. Aaron hadn’t really liked them either, Harry seems like the kind of guy who might appreciate them. Where the fuck did that tangent come from?

 

“So what do you think the sun was supposed to mean? I know it ended up being their destruction, but I feel like it represented hope a little bit as well. And, like hope can be such a destructive force sometimes, so I feel like the analogy holds.”

 

“Mhmm.”

 

Steve stops and looks mildly annoyed, “You’re not listening are you?”

 

Louis’ face scrunches up in embarrassment, “Sorry Steve. I think the whole movie just flew right over my head, so I’m not really up to dissecting it, you know? We can talk about anything else though.”

 

Steve seems to consider Louis’ words carefully, “Anything?”

 

Louis feels tendrils of uneasiness curling in his gut, “I mean, I guess? Did you have something specific in mind?”

 

Steve hesitates for a moment, before diving right in, “Yeah actually. It’s just, Zayn mentioned that you were married before, and obviously you have a kid, so I was just wondering, what happened with the kid’s mother? She’s your ex right?”

 

Louis lets out a startled little burst of laughter as the uneasy feeling intensifies, “Um, I was married to a guy. I haven’t so much as kissed a girl since I was 15.”

 

Steve looks shocked at the information, “For real? I assumed it must have been some kind of shotgun arrangement. Like, you knocked up your girlfriend and then felt obligated to marry her. Wow, you’re really young to have a kid on purpose. Was your husband much older than you or something?”

 

Louis feels a little bit like running out of the restaurant, somehow he represses the urge, “No, we were the same age. I mean, Aaron was about 5 months older, but like, we went to school together. We’d been dating since we were 15, got married as soon as it was legal and decided to have kids about 6 months later. Pretty boring all in all.”

 

Steve’s looking at Louis with something resembling morbid fascination now, “So what happened then? Hubby decided suburban family life wasn’t all it was cracked up to be?”

 

“No! Not at all.” Louis’ offended on Aaron’s behalf. The mere thought of his husband running away from his responsibilities is preposterous, “No. He, um… he died about a month before Rory was born.” Four weeks and three days, not that Louis counted.

 

Steve’s eyes widen in shock, “No! I’m so sorry Louis. That must have been really hard.”

 

Raising a tiny baby when you’re still reeling from the death of your partner could be described as a lot of things, Louis supposes hard is one word for it.

 

“So I have one more question, if you don’t mind me asking.” Apparently Steve knows how to press an issue, it’s probably what’s made him such a successful lawyer, “Who’s Rory’s biological father? Or was he adopted?”

 

Louis’ taken aback, “That’s quite a personal question, don’t you think?”

 

Steve shrugs.

 

_“C’mon Lou, you know it has to be you. I don’t understand why we’re even having a discussion about this”_

_Aaron was looking at Louis with equal parts exasperation and love. It was an expression Louis was very familiar with._

_Louis would not be denied though, “Of course we’re discussing this! It’s a big decision. Now, I know you can’t imagine anything more magical than having multiple tiny versions of me running around the place, but maybe I want some little yous too.”_

_Aaron sighed, “Lou, you know why we can’t do that.”_

_Louis stubbornly crossed his arms, “No idea what you’re talking about.”_

_Aaron rolled his eyes, the exasperation taking over his face, “Fine. If you’re going to be like that, I’ll spell it out for you: My father died of cancer when I was 7. I’m only 23, and I’ve had cancer twice. If the baby was genetically mine we’d never be able to get a moments peace. I know you babe. You may act all tough, but you know as well as I do that you’d have an existential crisis every time the poor kid had the sniffles.”_

_Louis remained defiant, “You don’t know that.”_

_Aaron just smiled at Louis knowingly._

_Louis’ arms dropped in defeat, “Fine. You’re right, I’m wrong. You’re an all-knowing deity of sensibleness, and I’m a lowly, ignorant peasant, blessed to be in your presence. It still sucks though. I wish I could have another little you, just in case…”_

_Louis couldn’t say it._ Just in case I lose the real you.

 

_As had been the case for years, Aaron understood Louis implicitly, even when Louis couldn’t speak, “Ok, so the kid may not be genetically mine. So what? It’ll still be a child that’s in the world because we decided to bring it here together. We love each other so much that we chose to create a new human being. I can’t think of a better symbol, of a better reminder of what we have together, than that.”_

Steve was still looking at Louis expectantly.

 

Louis takes a deep breath, “Rory’s mine biologically.”

 

Steve smiles slightly, “Well that simplifies things.”

 

Louis’ not sure how to take that, “What do you mean?”

 

Steve shrugs again, “I just mean from a legal standpoint. If the child’s biologically yours, and your husband died before he was even born, that means he never got a chance to sign the birth certificate, right? It’ll make an adoption much easier if you ever get remarried.”

 

Louis’ horrified.

 

Steve takes in Louis’ expression and quickly moves to placate him, “I mean, it’s also good because Rory never got a chance to get attached. It’s not like he lost a father, when he never even knew him to begin with. Also, he’s still got his biological parent around, so he’ll feel more fulfilled when he’s older and should have a more complete understanding of where he came from.”

 

Louis can only stare at Steve in shocked silence for a full minute before he finally regains his composure enough to talk, “Ok. So I’m gonna go. Thanks for the movie.”

 

Louis drops some money onto the table, before exiting the restaurant as quickly as humanly possible.

 

 

*****

 

 

Mary’s surprised to see Louis when he bursts through the front door of the flat about 15 minutes later.

 

“You’re back early. Did something happen?”

 

Louis sighs and collapses onto the nearest couch, “Guy turned out to be an insensitive prick. Couldn’t stand being around him for another second.”

 

Mary moves to sit beside him and starts stroking his hair soothingly, “Oh well, love. Better to find out sooner, rather than later I suppose.”

 

Louis leans into Mary’s fingers and rubs at his eyes tiredly, “I guess, it’s just, he seemed like a good guy after our first date.” Louis sighs again, “I dunno, maybe I’m supposed to be alone forever.”

 

“No, love. I’m sure that’s not true.” Louis tries to ignore the vaguely hopeful tone in Mary’s voice.


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a little longer than usual. Hopefully it's worth the wait!
> 
> Thanks again for the comments and kudos. You guys are the best =)

Mary leaves early the next morning, and it’s hugs, kisses and tears all around. Louis’ incredibly relieved to have her back in his life, even if he knows she doesn’t exactly approve of Louis’ attempts to move on.

 

It doesn’t really matter anyway. After the whole Steve debacle, Louis feels like it may be quite a while before he’s ready to make any meaningful progress on Operation Find Rory a Stable Parental Figure. He’s feeling a little rattled if he’s totally honest, his confidence severely shaken.

 

As predicted, when Louis goes into work on Monday, Katherine’s very impressed with his work on the 5SOS album launch party. Apparently Simon has a bit of a reputation in the industry of being incredibly difficult to please. As such, Simon’s assessment of Louis’ work as being ‘relatively competent’ and ‘quite thorough’, had been deemed practically gushing.

 

After being dismissed from Katherine’s office, Louis can’t even make it to his desk before he’s tackled and pulled into a headlock by an exuberant Jesy.

 

“I hear you’re making a pretty convincing bid to take my rightful spot as teacher’s pet. I will not stand for this Tomlinson.”

 

“Jesus, Jesy. Take it down a notch. As if anybody could take your place as the apple of Katherine’s eye. She pretty much thinks you walk on water, and you know it. Now unhand me woman, before you mess up my hair.”

 

Jesy lets go and smirks at Louis delightedly, “Please. You’re all about the purposely messy, sex hair look. If anything, I’ve made it look better.”

 

Louis just shoots up his middle finger.

 

Jesy lets out a cackle, “Shit, I’ve missed you these past couple of weeks Lou. It’s so good to have you back in the office.”

 

“It’s good to _be_ back, Jes. Seriously, if I had to spend another second catering to the unreasonable requests of Simon Cowell, I don’t know what I would have done.”

 

Jesy pats Louis’ back sympathetically, “It’s all in the past now. The next couple of weeks should be a lot less stressful. We’ve got about five smaller events to organise, but we’re gonna work through it all together. Reassemble the dream team.”

 

Louis nods in understanding and offers his hand for a fist bump. Jesy enthusiastically obliges.

 

“Let’s do it.”

 

 

*****

 

On Tuesday, Louis comes back from work with Rory in his arms to the now familiar sight of Zayn loitering on the doorstep. Zayn’s got a bag full of Chinese food in his arms. It’s a truly beautiful thing.

 

“Zaynie baby, you must know by now that I’m a sure thing. There’s no need to keep courting me with artery clogging takeaway.”

 

Zayn rolls his eyes but he’s grinning too, “What can I say, Lou? I can’t help spoiling you.”

 

Louis unlocks the front door, and Zayn quickly places the takeaway on the kitchen table, before rushing back towards Louis and snatching Rory out of his arms.

 

Louis frowns and crosses his arms, “Why do I feel like I’m not the one you actually came here to see?”

 

Zayn shrugs and buries his face in Rory’s hair, “Leave me alone, I missed my godson. Plus he’s way cuter than you, no matter how lovely your pout is.” Zayn’s content smile suddenly turns into a grimace, “You smell better though.”

 

Louis smiles mischievously, “Oh no, looks like somebody needs a new nappy. You know Zee, if you really want to spoil me, you could always help by chan…”

 

Zayn quickly thrusts Rory back into Louis’ arms, “Not a chance, mate.”

 

Rory, who seems mostly amused by the game of hot potato he’s inadvertently taking part in, turns towards Louis as soon as he’s back in his father’s arms and pats him happily on the cheek, “Dada.”

 

Zayn gasps, “Oh my god! Is that the first time he’s said that?”

 

Louis shakes his head, “Nah, man. He said it for the first time on Sunday.”

 

Zayn whacks Louis firmly on the arm, careful not to jolt Rory, “Why didn’t you tell me? Now I’m way behind in my campaign to be Rory’s official second word.” He turns towards Rory immediately, “Hey Ror, can you say hi to your uncle Zee? I know you can do it; Zee. Zee!”

 

Louis pulls Rory away, “Seriously Zayn, pull yourself together. I’m gonna go change Rory’s nappy now. When I come back I expect to see you behaving like a normal human being, ok?”

 

Zayn takes a deep breath and nods. Louis thinks about the ache in his injured arm, and decides not to tell Zayn that Rory’s already said his second word. It’s for Louis’ personal safety.

 

As Louis moves out of the main room and towards the bedroom, Rory twists in his arms and looks directly at Zayn, “Bye bye.”

 

Zayn lets out a gasp of pure shock and betrayal.

 

Louis’ son is a traitor, with no concern for his father’s safety.

 

 

*****

 

 

Later, when Rory’s asleep and Zayn’s gotten over most of his distress, Louis and Zayn sit contentedly on the living room floor.

 

“So,” Zayn begins seemingly out of nowhere, “I’ve got a bit of a proposal for you. And before you say no, know that everything’s already been organised and you really don’t have a choice in the matter.”

 

Louis sighs, “Please tell me you haven’t set me up on another date.”

 

Zayn shakes his head vehemently, “No way, bro. I think we’ve established that I’m absolutely rubbish at that, after the whole Steve disaster.”

 

“What is it then?”

 

Zayn grins, “We’re gonna have a bloke’s night out, this Friday.”

 

Louis considers this for a moment, “We are?”

 

“Yes.” Zayn replies emphatically, “Pez’s already offered to look after Ror, and you and I haven’t hung out together without a baby around in ages. You have no excuse, this is happening.”

 

“No need to be so defensive, Zee. I’m not opposed to the idea, it sounds like fun.”

 

“Good, cause that’s only part one of your mission.”

 

Louis groans, “Oh god, what’s part two?”

 

Zayn smiles at Louis gleefully, “Nothing bad. I just think you need to make some more friends, so part two of your mission is to invite at least two other guys out for bloke’s night.”

 

“And if I don’t?”

 

Zayn’s smile grows even wider, “Then I have two of my, and I quote ‘Twatty art mates’ on standby to make up the numbers.”

 

“Ugh, you drive a hard bargain Malik,” Louis collapses in defeat, “Fine, you win. I’ll do it and I’ll invite people too.”

 

Zayn looks very smug, “That’s all I wanted to hear, Lou.”

 

Louis frowns at him, “I hate you.”

 

Zayn just pats Louis’ hair condescendingly, “No you don’t.”

 

 

*****

 

 

As Jesy promised, work is significantly less stressful. Unfortunately, this only leaves Louis with ample time to stress out about who to invite to Zayn’s bloke’s night on Friday.

 

Liam is an obvious choice. Louis still owes him a beer for helping out with the clean up on Saturday. Plus he’s such an easygoing guy, Liam could probably slot into the any group with relative ease. When Louis texts him on Wednesday morning asking if he’s up for it, Liam sends back an enthusiastic ‘yes’ within minutes.

 

The other obvious choice is Harry. They’ve been texting each other every day since they last spoke on the phone on Saturday, and Harry’s not so subtly hinted in each conversation how keen he is to meet up in person again. There are a lot of reasons why Louis should invite Harry: Firstly he’s an excellent guy, funny and sweet. Louis would be seriously lucky to have someone like that as a friend. Secondly, Louis’ still pretty set on fucking him eventually, and his quest would probably be made a lot easier if he actually saw the guy in the flesh occasionally. It’s pretty difficult to sleep with a text message. Wasn’t there a Joaquin Phoenix movie about something like that? In any case, there are several very good reasons why Louis should invite Harry to drinks on Friday.

 

So why is he finding it so fucking hard? Every time he thinks about calling Harry, he gets this weird twisty feeling in his stomach. Every time he goes to pick up the phone, his mouth goes dry and he finds an excuse not to follow through.

 

It goes on like this until Friday afternoon. By now, Louis’ convinced Harry’s almost certainly already got plans so it would be pointless to invite him at all. He’s a gorgeous, funny university student, as if he wouldn’t have dozens of people clamouring to hang out with him on a Friday night.

 

Louis’ sitting at his desk, trying to figure out the seating plan for a client’s wedding rehearsal dinner. It’s a tricky one, because the bride’s parents had gone through a nasty divorce a couple of years earlier, essentially wedging a huge divide in the family, which doesn’t necessarily go neatly along bloodlines. It’s been an absolute nightmare.

 

When his mobile phone rings, Louis’ just so glad to have a break that he doesn’t even bother checking who’s calling.

 

“Hey Lou, can you talk?”

 

Louis should actually check caller ID occasionally. How’s he supposed to get into Harry’s ridiculously tight trousers if he’s constantly surprised to be talking him?

 

“Yeah Haz, I could actually use a break. What can I do for you?”

 

 Harry hesitates for a moment before speaking again, “It’s just, um… Lou… _areyouavoidingme_?” It’s the fastest Louis has ever heard Harry speak.

 

“What? No! Not at all Harry. We text each other all the time, what makes you think I’m avoiding you?”

 

“Really?” Harry sounds relieved, “I mean, I know we text each other heaps. It’s just… like, we haven’t actually seen each other since the party last week, and like, every time I suggest catching up in person, you always brush it off or avoid answering the question. But I’m just overreacting, we’re cool?”

 

Louis feels awful, “Yeah Haz, we’re cool. In fact I was just about to call you,” He’s stretching the truth, but it’s something he should have done days ago. That counts, right? “I’m going out tonight with a couple of mates. Nothing big, just some drinks at the pub. Maybe some dancing, if people are up for it. Would you like to come along?”

 

Harry sighs, “I’d love to Lou, but I promised Niall I’d hang out with him tonight.”

 

“Don’t worry about it mate, I figured you’d be busy. Some other time, yeah?”

 

“No, that’s not what I meant!” Harry interjects frantically, “I mean, is it ok if I bring Niall along with me? He’s a good laugh, and he thrives in a pub. You’ve met him a couple of times, haven’t you?”

 

Louis nods before realising Harry can’t actually see him, “I have, yeah. I liked him too, right up until he made it his personal mission to give me alcohol poisoning.”

 

Harry snorts. It should be unattractive, but Louis finds it endearing, “So is that a yes?”

 

Louis feels a smile spreading on his face, “It’s a yes. I’ll text you the details soon, ok?”

 

“Wicked. Can’t wait to see you.” Louis can hear Harry’s grin through the phone, he wonders if it’s the one that’s so big, both of Harry’s dimples pop out.

 

“Me too, mate.”

 

 

*****

 

 

As Louis and Zayn walk towards the pub that night, something occurs to Louis, which stops him in his tracks.

 

“Hey Zayn, I need you to do me a favour. No questions asked.”

 

Zayn looks at Louis and smiles, “Alright Lou, who’d you kill and where’d you hide the body?”

 

Louis rolls his eyes, “Zayn, I’m being serious.”

 

Zayn stops smiling, “Ok, what is it?”

 

“First off, know that I understand how bad this sounds, so there’s no need to berate me, ok.”

 

Zayn’s frowning now, “You’re kind of freaking me out, babe. Please just tell me.”

 

“Ok, so um- I’d really appreciate it if you could just, like, maybe not mention Rory at all tonight?” Louis braces himself for the fall out from this request, and he’s not disappointed.

 

“What?! Why?”

 

Louis cringes, “You promised you wouldn’t ask any questions.”

 

Zayn shakes his head, “I actually never promised you anything, Louis. So please explain to me why you’d like me to erase my godson from existence?”

 

“There’s no need to be so fucking dramatic, Zayn,“ Louis’ got his defences up now. He’s not being unreasonable, “I barely know these people, ok? If I start talking about my son, it just opens a whole can of worms. Obviously if we end up becoming good friends, I’ll tell them my whole life story, but in the mean time I’d really rather not get into it. Tonight’s supposed be fun Zayn, I don’t particularly want to talk about Rory and Aaron and… everything.”

 

Louis’ leaving out a lot, and he knows it. Namely the part about how badly he wants to sleep with Harry, and how afraid he is that the fact he has a baby is going to jeopardise his chances of doing just that.

 

In any case Louis’ condensed reasoning seems to work and Zayn’s face immediately softens.

 

“Ok Lou, I guess I can understand that. I won’t mention Rory.”

 

Louis sighs, “Thanks Zee, I really appreciate it. Now let’s go have some fun, yeah?”

 

Louis sees Liam immediately after entering the pub. He’s already managed to reserve a booth, and he waves enthusiastically when he spots Louis in the doorway.

 

“Liam, hey!” Louis greets him happily, “This is my best mate Zayn. Zayn, this is Liam. I’m gonna go get some drinks. I know I owe you a pint, Li. What would you like Zayn?”

 

Zayn sits down next to Liam and turns towards Louis, “A pint for me too thanks mate.”

 

Louis nods and moves to line up at the bar. Louis’ almost reached the front of the line, when he feels someone pinch his bum. He turns around, ready to unleash a mountain of sass on the poor unsuspecting arse violator, and is greeted by the smiling dimpled face of one Harry Styles.

 

Harry looks beautiful, again. It’s doesn’t really seem fair that one person should be so consistently attractive. Louis’ finding it difficult to breathe around him, it can’t be good for his health.

 

Louis’ broken out of his trance when he’s tackled by a blond, Irish blur, “Hey mate!” Niall shouts directly into Louis’ ear, “How are you, Lou? Haven’t seen you since the party at B’s place. Wasn’t that party wicked? I had a great time, I did. Are you in line for drinks? Could you get me a Guinness, please? I know it’s a bit of a stereotype, but what can I say, I love the stuff! You’re here with some mates, right? Whereabouts are they? I feel like I should go introduce myself. I’m sure Haz’ll help you carry everything back.”

 

Feeling dazed by that little tornado of enthusiasm, Louis can only point out the booth, “Guy in the leather jacket’s Zayn, the other bloke’s Liam.”

 

Niall nods and pats Louis on the shoulder, “Cheers, catch you guys later.” He sends a significant look towards Harry, and disappears into the crowd.

 

Harry clears his throat, “Hi.”

 

Louis lets out a little burst of laughter, “Hi.”

 

“So, um– it’s good to see you again, Lou. Like to actually physically be in front of you, I mean.”

 

Louis can’t help but smile “It’s good to actually physically be in front of you too, Haz.”

 

They just stand there, grinning stupidly at each other, until the bartender interrupts their… whatever the hell that was.

 

“Hey, can I get you boys anything?”

 

Louis shakes himself and sends the bartender an apologetic smile, before ordering everybody’s drinks.

 

 

*****

 

 

For a bunch of guys who barely knew each other at the beginning of the night, everybody gets along insanely well.

 

By the time Louis and Harry make it back to the table, laden with alcoholic beverages, Liam and Zayn are in the midst of a very intense discussion on the merits of DC vs. Marvel Comics. Meanwhile, Niall appears to be largely ignoring the debate, opting to study the tattoos running up Zayn’s arm, occasionally pointing out the ones he likes best.

 

Another hour later, when everybody is feeling well and truly lubricated by alcohol, they’re all treating each other like they’ve been friends for years. Niall and Liam are practically cuddling on the bench while Zayn looks on fondly. They’re talking about football, Louis’ pretty sure. At least they had been 10 minutes ago.

 

The thing is, Louis’ not really been able to follow the flow of conversation. It could be because of the three pints he’s consumed in the past hour. Or it may have something to do with Harry. Harry, whose head is currently resting on Louis’ shoulder, whose curls are currently tickling Louis’ face, whose warm breath is currently warming Louis’ neck.

 

Harry looks sweet and sleepy and soft, and Louis has the strangest urge to look after him, to protect him and make sure nothing bad ever happens to him. It must be Louis’ paternal side coming out.

 

No. Now is absolutely not the time to be thinking about Rory.

 

Without ever consciously making the decision, Louis finds his fingers carding through Harry’s hair. It feels just as soft as it looks. Louis particularly likes the more corkscrewy curls near Harry’s ears. He starts playing with them, straightening the curls out, only to watch them spring back into perfect little ringlets. The pints have made Louis’ fingers clumsy though, and he accidently pulls on one of the little tendrils too hard.

 

Louis expects Harry to grunt in pain, maybe to pull Louis’ hands away from his head in anger. What he absolutely does not expect is for Harry to let out a low moan of pleasure and lean into Louis’ fingers even more.

 

Seeming to realise what he’s doing, Harry pulls away a little and looks up at Louis, wide-eyed, and unless Louis’ very much mistaken, a little aroused. Louis’s fingers are still buried in Harry’s hair, without considering the implications of what he’s doing, Louis curls his fingers and scratches, quite firmly, at Harry’s scalp. The reaction is immediate. Harry bites down on his already pink lower lip and his eyelashes flutter beautifully. It’s the same response he’d had when Louis had briefly ground their clothed cocks together at the uni party last week.

 

Well that’s interesting.

 

“Lou! Haz! Did you hear what I said?”

 

That’s right, there are other people in the world, namely their friends. Their friends who are sitting directly opposite them.

 

It’s Niall who’s spoken, based on the exasperated expression in his face. Though Zayn’s giving Louis a very pointed look too. Almost like he’s trying to communicate something telepathically. Well Louis can’t be bothered trying to decipher any of that right now, he’s got other shit on his mind.

 

“Sorry Nialler,” Harry sits up and pulls away from Louis’ shoulder, seeming to shake himself out of his earlier stupor, “Was a bit distracted, what were you saying?”

 

Niall smiles, “We were just thinking we might go dancing. There’s a new club that’s opened up down the road. Apparently it has a wicked DJ. Would you guys wanna come along?”

 

Louis speaks up before Harry gets the chance, “Sure! I’d definitely be up for that.”

 

Dancing’s good. Dancing might give Louis an opportunity to sweat out some of the alcohol and clear his head a little. Dancing seems like an excellent idea right about now.

 

 

*****

 

 

Dancing was a terrible idea.

 

The dance floor is packed, and the air is muggy from the hundreds of sweaty bodies moving against each other. The music is loud and the lights are flashing chaotically. Louis is significantly less drunk, but his mind certainly isn’t feeling any clearer.

 

And then there’s Harry. The thing is, Louis knows Harry’s special. He’s got this x-factor, this magnetic quality that seems to pull people in. It’s certainly pulled Louis in. The problem is it also appears to have pulled in a tall, insanely leggy blonde.

 

The blonde is currently seriously invading Harry’s personal space, putting her arms around his hips, and moving dirtily with him to the music.

 

Louis feels something oddly reminiscent of jealousy curling in his stomach. Which is ridiculous, for so very many reasons.

 

“Christ, Harry’s way too polite for his own good sometimes.” Louis startled when Niall suddenly appears by his side, shaking his head fondly.

 

“What do you mean?” Louis questions despondently.

 

Niall smiles at him patiently, “Just that he’s no good at letting girls down gently. It’s so stupid.”

 

Louis shakes his head, “I dunno man. He seems pretty into her to me.”

 

Niall laughs uproariously at that, “I think not, Lou. Not unless she’s somehow concealing a dick underneath that very short skirt.”

 

Niall laughs again at Louis’ confused expression, “Harry’s gay, Louis. Like really, really, never once have I seen him even remotely sexually interested in a vagina-haver, gay.” He smiles at Louis kindly, “I would have thought you of all people would have figured that one out.”

 

Louis considers playing dumb, but decides against it, “Well I mean, I was pretty sure he was interested in me, like, sexually speaking. But how was I supposed to know he was exclusively into cock?”

 

Niall shrugs, “I dunno, mate,” A mischievous grin suddenly takes over Niall’s face, “I reckon you should go help him out.”

 

“What?”

 

“Yeah! Definitely you should go save him. Look at the poor bloke, he’s totally a damsel in distress. You have to liberate him from the grindy blonde lady.” Niall practically vibrates with glee.

 

Louis turns towards Harry. Now that he looks carefully, he certainly seems uncomfortable. He’s got this weird fake smile on his face, which doesn’t quite meet his eyes. It’s a little creepy if Louis’ totally honest.

 

“Yeah.” Louis declares, “Yeah, I’m gonna go save him.”

 

Niall beams, “Atta boy!” and with an encouraging slap on the arse Louis’ sent on his way.

 

Harry’s uneasy smile turns genuine when he spots Louis moving towards him, dimples popping out spectacularly. Harry leans down to whisper something in the blonde woman’s ear. She turns around sharply, and glares in Louis’ direction.

 

“Really? Him?” she spits out angrily.

 

Harry just continues to smile benignly, “Yep, him.” At that he turns away from the blonde woman, and sidles closer to Louis, “Hey baby, I missed you! Did you end up getting me a drink?”

 

Louis glares at the woman briefly before smiling back at Harry, “Sorry babe, the line at the bar was really long. I’ll head back in a few minutes if you want?”

 

Harry grins, and pulls Louis’ body flush against his own, “Nah, don’t worry about it Lou. I’d much rather you stay here and dance with me.”

 

Well that’s something Louis can certainly get on board with, “Yeah, alright then.” It comes out as a breathy whisper, definitely too quiet for grindy blonde woman to hear. Though she seems to have disappeared into the crowd anyway.

 

The song that’s playing is slow and sensual, and Harry and Louis’ bodies fall into a natural rhythm. Harry’s big hands are resting on Louis’ lower back pushing their torsos and hips together. It’s really nice, and it only feels a little like Louis’ heart is about to beat out of his chest.

 

Suddenly, the song changes to something faster, and the easy  movement Harry and Louis had going on, falls briefly out of sync. Their hips roll in opposite directions and Louis finds himself with both of his legs bracketing one of Harry’s, his cock pressed firmly up against Harry’s thigh. Well that’s… yeah, that all feels pretty nice.

 

He turns towards Harry, who doesn’t seem to be too displeased about their change in position either. Their eyes meet, and then they’re kissing. Their mouths move against each other, wet and open from the outset. The enthusiasm they both bring to the kiss has their whole bodies moving. Louis’ dick drags occasionally against Harry’s thigh, sending little shocks of pleasure fizzing up his spine.

 

They only pull apart when they run out of air, and even then they’re so close that they basically just pant into each other’s mouths.

 

“Fuck!” Louis groans when he feels capable of speech again, “I’ve really wanted to do that all night.”

 

Harry chuckles and presses his forehead against Louis’ “Is that all? I’ve really wanted to do that all week.”

 

Harry sounds wrecked, just from fucking _kissing._ Louis really wants to know what he sounds like after other things.

 

“If I said we should take this somewhere more private, what would you say?”

 

Harry’s eyes grow wide, and his hips stutter slightly, pressing his groin more firmly against Louis’ thigh. He feels big and hard and hot, “I’d say, your place or mine?”

 

It can’t be Louis’. Louis has a fucking crib at the foot of his bed, which would be a little bit difficult to explain under the current circumstances, “Yours. Definitely yours.”

 

Harry smiles, before kissing Louis again, “Let’s get out of here then.”

 

They pull apart from each other, and Louis’ brain finally shifts into gear, “Ok, can you find us a taxi? I need to go talk to Zayn quickly.”

 

Harry gives him one last peck on the lips and nods, “Sure thing, Lou. I’ll meet you out there.”

 

Louis finds Zayn pretty quickly. He’s chatting with Liam at a table near the bar.

 

“Hey Zee,” Louis says after he pulls Zayn to a more secluded corner of the club, “You and Pez are ok with looking after Rory tonight, right? Like, it’s ok if I don’t pick him up until tomorrow morning.”

 

Zayn looks at him strangely for a moment, “You’re going home with Harry, aren’t you?”

 

Louis feels himself blushing, “Um- yeah, I am. Is that ok?”

 

Something vaguely like disapproval flashes briefly across Zayn’s face, but it’s gone before Louis can really process it, “Yeah Lou, of course it’s fine. Just have fun and stay safe, ok babe?”

 

 

*****

 

 

10 minutes later Louis and Harry are sitting in the back seat of a taxi, giving the driver a show Louis’ way too turned on to feel embarrassed about.

 

They’re kissing desperately, clawing at each others backs only stopping to rub at each other’s crotches intermittently. Louis is throbbing painfully in his trousers, not sure how much more sexual frustration he can take.

 

Suddenly a horrifying thought crosses Louis’ mind, which makes him pull away from Harry entirely. Harry groans in frustration at Louis’ movement and his kiss-bruised lips turn down into a ridiculous pout. Louis is helplessly endeared.

 

“This isn’t going to be like last time, is it?”

 

“What do you mean?” Harry stops pouting long enough to ask.

 

“I mean, you’re not just luring me back to your room, only to tuck me into bed with a nice glass of water and some paracetamol, are you?”

 

Harry’s pout turns into a frown, “I wasn’t planning on it, no. I’m not really that drunk, and you certainly don’t _seem_ drunk. Why? Do you think you’re too drunk?”

 

Louis shakes his head vehemently, “Absolutely not. Nope. No way. I don’t think I’ve ever been more sober.”

 

Harry grins, and pulls Louis’s body back towards him and palms Louis’ cock, “Well in that case Louis, I’d very much like to get better acquainted with this little guy, if that’s alright with you.”

 

Louis shoves Harry’s hand away, “Oi! Who are you calling little? It’s totally above average size, for your information.”

 

Harry grins and resituates his hand, rubbing Louis’ bulge apologetically, “Sorry Lou. But c’mon, there’s absolutely no need for you to be so cock-y.”

 

When Louis groans out Harry’s name, it’s at least 70% because of how terrible that joke was. 60% at the very least.


	8. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so might have written this entire chapter whilst in the grips of an evil fever inducing illness. Hopefully it still makes sense and you guys enjoy =)

It’s only when they make it into Harry’s bedroom, stumbling and mouths still attached, that the enormity of what he’s doing fully hits Louis. He’s about to have sex with someone other than Aaron. Ok, so maybe not full-on sex, but he’s come back to Harry’s with the express intent of exchanging orgasms. He’s never done that with someone who isn’t Aaron. The closest he’s come in the past was with Hannah. He’d been a confused fifteen year old, trying desperately to convince himself that all of these overwhelming feelings for his best friend were nothing but a phase. He and Hannah had made out a little, Louis’ hand had ventured under her bra. It had felt wrong.

 

This, now with Harry doesn’t feel wrong, in fact, it feels pretty fucking good. But it doesn’t really feel right either.

 

The shape of the lips is off, Louis’ neck isn’t craning to reach as much as it should be and the little whimpers that Harry’s making (whilst sexy as fuck) seem out of place. Aaron hadn’t really been the whimpering type, at least not from kissing and a little dry humping. By the time Louis was three fingers deep in his hole, whispering about all the depraved things he wanted to do to him, things tended to get a little more vocal.

 

Louis’ body stiffens at the memory. He really shouldn’t be thinking about Aaron right now, not when he’s got a beautiful boy sucking and biting at his neck. It’s difficult to stop though when literally every single sexual experience Louis’ had has been with the same person. It may be more than a year since Louis’ had sex with Aaron, but he’s still got 8 years worth of memories stored up. It’s difficult to forget all that.

 

Harry must sense Louis’ trepidation, as he pulls back from Louis’ neck, and looks down at him. His eyes are a mix of lust and concern; apparently he’s not very good at masking his emotions.

 

“Are you ok, Lou? You know we don’t have to do this, if you’re not up for it.”

 

Louis’ forehead falls onto Harry’s chest, he’s finding it difficult to look Harry in the eyes right now. He’s so fucking earnest. Louis’ cock gives a throb. He’s been hard for so long now. He needs to get off.

 

It has to happen eventually, Louis is going to have sex with someone who isn’t Aaron. It may as well be Harry. He may not be Louis’ future husband or Rory’s future stepdad; he’s way too young and naïve for this to go anywhere long term. But he’s sweet and gentle and incredibly hot, in many ways the perfect person for Louis to have sex with. The ideal beginning to Louis’ post-Aaron sex life.

 

Louis lets out a shaky breath, and sets his resolve, “Fuck Haz, I’m up for it. I want it so bad,” Louis bites lightly at Harry’s collarbone, because it’s right there and pretty and why the fuck not? “Can we just go slow, please? Like, take our time?”

 

Harry pulls Louis away from where he’s nuzzled into Harry’s chest and forces him to meet his eyes. After studying Louis’ face, Harry nods minutely, “Yeah babe, we can go as slow as you like. What do you want?”

 

Now there’s a question Louis has no fucking idea how to answer, so in lieu of responding, Louis just shrugs and brings Harry’s big hand back to his crotch.

 

Harry gasps, apparently not expecting that, “Fuck, you’re so hard.” Harry seems to pull himself together and begins rubbing Louis’ clothed cock, “Ok then, just say something if you want to stop.”

 

Louis nods in understanding, and then pulls Harry’s face forcefully towards his own. Their teeth clack initially, but they quickly fall into an easy rhythm, mouths hungry, wet and desperate.

 

Harry begins walking them away from the door, and before Louis knows it, something hits the back of his knees and he finds himself flat on his back, lying on Harry’s bed. Harry flops gracelessly on top of him and giggles into his mouth.

 

“Sorry, that was a little closer than I expected it to be.”

 

Louis laughs, the last traces of tension leaving his body, “You’re such an idiot.”

 

“Maybe you shouldn’t call the person who’s about to rock your world an idiot.”

 

Louis grimaces, “’Rock my world’? Jesus Harold, what are you even talking about?”

 

Harry grins and covers Louis’ mouth with his hand, “Shut up and kiss me, you fool.”

 

So that’s something Louis can definitely get on board with. After a good few minutes of kissing, Louis’ so hard he feels like he’s going to explode.

 

“Off! Off!” Louis orders as his hands scrabble at the hem of Harry’s shirt, “Why are you wearing so many fucking clothes?”

 

Harry’s breathing heavily, his cheeks are flushed and lovely, Louis wants to wreck him, “Yeah, ok… Let’s um- less clothes. Yeah.”

 

Harry pulls back a bit, which is not so good, put then pulls his shirt over his muscled chest, which is very, very good. Wait a second, what the fuck is that?

 

“Is that a butterfly tattoo?” Louis doesn’t know if he’s more turned on or amused, “Is that a pun? Like butterflies in your stomach? Is your stomach a fucking pun, Harold?”

 

Harry smiles at him sheepishly “Maybe?”

 

Louis rolls his eyes fondly, “What am I going to do with you?”

 

Harry grins, “I can think of a few things,” Harry moves closer and pulls Louis’ shirt over his head, “Maybe ignore the cage tattoo on my ribs?”

 

Louis groans in despair. Then Harry’s hands moves down and start unbuttoning Louis’ jeans, and suddenly he’s groaning in something else entirely. Once Louis’ down to just his boxer briefs Harry’s mouth immediately latches on to one of his nipples, sucking and nipping at the nub.

 

Louis’ positively writhing on the sheets, it’s embarrassing how effected he is, just from Harry’s mouth. He can’t help it though; it’s been so long since he’s been touched like this by another human being.

 

Harry’s beautiful mouth detaches from Louis’ nipple, and moves slowly down the rest of his body. Harry licks and bites and sucks at Louis’ chest, then at his stomach. He continues moving down until he reaches Louis’ boxers, he pulls his mouth away, and starts tracing delicately at the waistband with his fingers.

 

“Is this ok?” Harry’s eyes are wide and searching, he’s so lovely.

 

Louis’ hips thrust up into the air of their own volition, frantically seeking some kind of friction.

 

“Yeah! Yeah it’s fine. Proceed. Please?” Louis voice is high and reedy and so, so desperate. Everything is humiliating. Harry’s probably going to leave. Please don’t let Harry leave.

 

Harry doesn’t leave, thank fucking god. Instead, he smiles to himself and in one swift motion, pulls Louis’ boxers down. Louis’ cock springs free from its confines, smacking wetly against his stomach, precome already bubbling at the tip. Fuck, this may not last long.

 

Harry’s long pale fingers trace along the vein on the underside of Louis’ cock, he seems transfixed. “Shit Lou, you weren’t lying, that is definitely above average size.” His eyes slowly move away from Louis’ dick, and towards Louis’ eyes, “So fucking pretty.”

 

Louis moans ridiculously, he’s not capable of talking, he can barely think. He has to close his eyes, even looking at Harry is too much right now.

 

Without his vision, every feeling in Louis’ body seems to intensify. Louis’ blood is boiling, it feels like he’s on fire. Harry’s damp breath on his cock is the only warning Louis gets before he’s taken into Harry’s mouth. He suckles at the tip, licking up the precome.

 

Harry pulls his mouth back, but curls a hand around the base, wanking Louis off languidly, residual spit and precome easing the drag slightly, “Taste so good, babe. Wanted this for so long, wanted this since you first walked into the café. Since before I even knew who you were.”

 

That’s good, that’s nice, Harry’s a sweetheart, but Louis would very much like a mouth back on his dick. He grabs Harry’s head, fingers tangling in his curls, and not so delicately pushes Harry’s face back towards his cock. Harry gets the message pretty quickly, and immediately sucks Louis down, taking him even deeper than before, tongue running up and down the underside. Louis sighs in pleasure and tugs at Harry’s curls appreciatively. Harry moans in response, sending delicious little vibrations tingling through Louis’ body.

 

Suddenly a vision of Harry in the pub earlier that night comes back to Louis, the flash of arousal he’d seen in Harry’s eyes after he’d pulled his hair and scratched at his scalp. Impulsively, Louis tugs Harry’s hair again, harder than before. The reaction is immediate and spectacular. Harry groans, then pulls off Louis’ dick, panting desperately like all of the air has suddenly left his lungs. For the first time, Louis realises that Harry’s still wearing his jeans. Harry’s hand, the one not currently jerking Louis’ dick, inches down his own body. Louis hears the distinct sound of a zipper being undone, and can vaguely make out Harry palming himself desperately. Louis pulls Harry’s hair again, and Harry starts rutting frantically against the bed. Louis doesn’t think he’s seen anything hotter in his life.

 

Harry slurps Louis’ cock back into his mouth without warning, bobbing his head up and down, rapidly. He’s desperate for it, going at it like his life depends on it. He takes Louis deeper and deeper with each bob, and Louis’ barely holding on now. His orgasm’s curling in his gut, right there,  it’s too soon. He tries to hold back, but it’s no use, it’s been too long and this is way too good. Louis throws his arm over his eyes as he comes, embarrassment and pleasure rolling through his body.

 

When he finally come back to himself, Louis removes his arm from his eyes and looks at Harry. What he sees is almost enough to make him hard again. Harry’s cheeks are flushed, his curls are wild from Louis tugging at them, his lips are red and puffy, come and spit dribbling out. He’s the very personification of sex. It’s obscene.

 

Louis groans, “Oh god. I’m so sorry I came so quickly Haz, you were so fucking good, you look so good. Come up here and I’ll help you finish.”

 

Harry’s cheeks turn a more brilliant shade of pink and his eyes guiltily trail down to his crotch. Louis follows his gaze and takes in the spectacular sight. Harry’s still got his jeans on, fly unzipped and cock pushed out over the waistband of his pants. There are traces of come at the crown, and he looks like he’s just beginning to soften. Louis’ finding it difficult to process the information in front of him.

 

“Fuck Harry, did you…? I mean- you, like… yeah?”

 

Harry blushes more furiously, “Um, yeah. I already… yeah.”

 

Louis realises his mouth is hanging open in shock. He quickly closes it and shakes himself, “That is so fucking hot! Come here, babe. Let me kiss you.”

 

Harry smiles dazzlingly and crawls up the bed. Louis kisses him thoroughly, tasting himself on Harry’s tongue.

 

“That was amazing. Like, incredible.” Suddenly a wave of fatigue washes over Louis, the adrenaline leaving his system, “Would you judge me terribly if I said I really want to sleep now?”

 

“Definitely not, I could use a nap myself.” Harry’s voice is rough and deeper than Louis’ ever heard it. It sends another wave of arousal wracking through his body.

 

No, no more. Sleep time.

 

Harry shimmies out of his jeans, briefs coming off too. Harry notices Louis watching him disrobe, “I sleep naked normally.” He offers in explanation, “I can keep my pants on if you’d prefer?”

 

Louis shakes his head, “I think naked should be alright, under the circumstances. Sleep now.”

 

Harry grins, “Sure Lou, just one more thing.” He reaches over to the bedside table and pulls out a packet of wet wipes. He pulls two out from the packet, handing one to Louis, using the other to wipe up the come from his own cock.

 

Louis can’t help but smile, “So organised, Harry.”

 

Harry preens at the compliment, either ignoring or missing the sarcasm, “Thanks, Lou. Y’know what the scouts say: always be prepared.”

 

Louis pulls Harry’s body against his own, hopelessly endeared by this ridiculous boy. He falls easily into a deep sleep. The last thought that passes through his mind before he drops off is how naturally everything seems to come with Harry. Shouldn’t this be harder?

 

 

*****

 

 

The next morning, Louis wakes up alone and disorientated. It takes his bleary mind several minutes to piece together exactly where he is and what he’s doing there. That’s right, the pub, dancing, Harry, a mind blowing orgasm, Harry. So, that happened. Also, where is Harry?

 

Almost as if Louis’ mind had summoned him, Harry bursts through the door, a cup tray and takeaway bag in hand.

 

His smile is blinding when he spots Louis, “Lou, you’re awake. I brought us breakfast. Now I know what kind of tea you like obviously, but I wasn’t sure whether you’re a sweets-or-savouries-in-the-morning kind of guy, so I got both. There’s a blueberry muffin and an egg and bacon roll, I’ll have whichever one you don’t want.”

 

Louis gratefully accepts the tea Harry offers him and digs through the bag, gleefully claiming the egg and bacon roll, “Thanks Harry, you’re the best.”

 

Harry plops down beside him on the bed, and takes a huge bite out of the leftover muffin, “You’re welcome, Lou.”

 

This is nice, Louis’ tea is nice, this bed is nice, Harry’s nice. Louis can’t stay though, he has responsibilities, and Rory. He can’t take advantage of Zayn and Perrie’s free babysitting for much longer.

 

Louis gulps down the last of his tea, and sets the empty cup down on the bedside table, “Listen Harry, thank you so much for… everything. This has been great, I’ve really got to go though.”

 

Harry nods, only a allowing a little disappointment to show on his face, “Of course, is it a work thing again?”

 

Louis shakes his head automatically, “No it’s a… family thing.”

 

Harry nods again, this time a little suspiciously, “Ok… I guess I’ll see you later then?”

 

“Of course,” Louis agrees immediately, quickly pulling on his clothes and moving towards the door, “I had a really great time, Harry.”

 

The look on Harry’s face softens slightly, “I did too, Lou.”

 

Harry pulls Louis into a quick kiss before he leaves, it’s close-mouthed and intimate. It sends a shiver up Louis’ spine.

 

“Bye Louis.”

 

Louis takes a deep breath and composes himself, “Bye Harry.”

 

 

*****

 

 

There’s an odd expression on Zayn’s face when Louis meets him at the front door of his and Perrie’s apartment.

 

“So, looks like you had a good night.”

 

Louis fidgets uncomfortably under the intensity of Zayn’s gaze, “Yeah, I guess? I mean, yeah. Thanks for taking Rory overnight.”

 

“That’s ok, Lou. He was a pleasure, as always.”

 

He’s still looking at Louis strangely. Louis doesn’t really know what to make of it.

 

“Ok, so I’ll just grab Rory and get out of your hair.”

 

Zayn shakes his head, “Not so fast. I think we need to have a little chat.”

 

“Ok. I mean if you’re not too busy I guess we can talk.”

 

“Good, have a seat. Would you like some tea?”

 

“No thanks, Zee. I just had some actually.”

 

Zayn sits across from Louis and looks at him contemplatively, “With Harry?”

 

“Um, yeah. With Harry.”

 

“So,” Zayn’s eyes bore into Louis, “Harry seems nice.”

 

Louis can’t tell where this is going.

 

“Harry is nice. Harry’s lovely.” Louis can feel a smile spreading across his face just thinking about him. He tries not to think about what that means.

 

Zayn takes in Louis’ expression and frowns, “How long have you known him for?”

 

Louis shrugs, “Just a few weeks, I met him when I did that job for Sony a little while ago. He works at a café, around the corner from the offices.”

 

“And he doesn’t know about Rory?”

 

Oh, so that’s what this is about.

 

“No, I haven’t told him about Rory yet. It’s like I told you last night, once people know about Rory, it leads to a whole lot of really personal questions I don’t want to go into. I’ll tell Harry about Rory eventually, but I’m not ready yet.”

 

Zayn seems to consider Louis’ statement carefully before continuing, “Harry’s really young, isn’t he.”

 

Louis nods, “Yeah, I guess? He’s twenty-two. What does his age have to do with anything?”

 

Zayn shakes his head, “Nothing, I’m just… worried about you, babe. I know you and I were both totally ready to settle down and commit when we were twenty-two, but you realise we’re the exception, right? Like, most twenty-two year olds aren’t down with the whole marriage and babies thing.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes, “Zayn, like, of course I know that. Despite all evidence to the contrary, I wasn’t actually born yesterday.”

 

“Alright, don’t get snarky, Lou. You know I don’t mean to be condescending…”

 

“Oh, look who swallowed a dictionary this morning.” Louis interrupts petulantly.

 

“See!” Zayn points at Louis accusingly, “Snark! There’s no need for it Louis. Don’t lash out at me just because I’m not into my best friend in the world, (who’s already been hurt enough for ten lifetimes, might I add) being unnecessarily hurt again by some stupid twenty-two year old kid!”

 

“That’s not what this is, Zayn! Harry’s just a friend, an incredibly fit friend who I’ve kind of slept with once, and who I maybe wouldn’t mind sleeping with again, but that’s it. Nobody’s getting hurt here, I promise.”

 

Zayn looks at Louis incredulously, “Your face says otherwise, Lou.”

 

Louis sighs in exasperation, “What the fuck does that even mean?”

 

“Your face, Lou. Last night when you two were all cuddled up together, at the pub, the way you were looking at him was… intense. You guys were like, lost in your own world. Kind of like how you and Aaron used to be, it was really weird.”

 

“Jesus Zayn, is that what this is all about? I thought you were ok with me moving on. Like, I know Aaron was your best friend too, but it’s not like I’m betraying him or anything. He’s been gone for more than a year, I’m allowed to move on!”

 

Zayn shakes his head frantically, “No! Lou, that’s not what I meant at all. I’m fine with you moving on, I was the one who suggested you start dating in the first place! It’s just this Harry bloke. He’s not the right guy for you to be moving on _with._ He’s a child Louis, he’s going to hurt you.”

 

Louis’ fuming now, “You know what Zayn, fuck you. Where’s my son?”

 

“He’s with Perrie in the spare bedroom. But c’mon man, don’t leave like this. I’m just trying to look out for you.”

 

Louis ignores Zayn’s pleas and storms into the spare bedroom. Perrie’s lying on the bed, Rory sitting contentedly in her lap, they’re watching a DVD on Perrie’s laptop. Both look up from the film, matching startled expressions on their faces at Louis’ abrupt entrance.

 

“Thanks for looking after him, Pez. I’ve got it from here, yeah?”

 

Perrie can only nod and hand Rory over, apparently unsure how to handle Louis when he’s this agitated.

 

Louis holds Rory securely in one arm, hoists Rory’s baby bag over his shoulder, and marches back into the living area, avoiding eye contact with Zayn, heading directly for the front door.

 

“Please Louis, I’m only trying to help.” Zayn whispers just as Louis opens the door.

 

And that’s it. That’s the absolute last straw. Louis is so fucking done with this shit.

 

When Louis whips around to glare at Zayn, his eyes are sparking with anger.

 

“You know what Zayn? I’m am so fucking tired of people’s disapproval. First Mary, now you. You both need to realise that I’m a motherfucking adult, capable of making my own fucking decisions. It is not your place to tell me how to live my life. I know I needed a lot of help in the beginning, and that may have given you guys the wrong impression, but I’m ok now. I’m not great, I’m not deliriously happy and I’m certainly not living the life I envisioned for myself as a teenager, but I’m also not so fucking heartbroken that I can’t function. Not anymore. I’m sorry if some of the decisions I’m making are disappointing to you, but they’re still my fucking decisions to make. Until you can accept that, I think it’s best you just leave me the fuck alone.”

 

With that, Louis leaves without a second glance.

 

 

*****

 

 

Louis spends the rest of the day in his flat, playing with Rory. Nothing calms Louis down like seeing Rory happy. Nothing gives Louis more hope for the future than watching Rory get closer and closer to walking unassisted and teaching him new words.

 

By the time night falls, and Rory’s tucked safely into bed, the rage that had been fizzing dangerously through Louis’ veins has mostly dissipated.

 

Finally, he does what he’s been avoiding all day, and picks up his phone. It’s been turned off since he left Zayn’s, but he has to face reality eventually. Predictably, the device buzzes and pings consistently for a solid minute before finally quieting down.

 

18 missed calls from Zayn, that’s higher than expected. Zayn’s typically not a panicker, but 18 certainly says panic to Louis. Five text messages too. Louis ignores them all. He realises that he overreacted with Zayn, that he probably owes him an apology, but just looking at the name, still sends a spark of anger to Louis’ brain. He should probably wait until that goes away before entering into some kind of peace agreement.

 

There’s seven missed calls from his mum, and one text expressing how worried she is. Of course Zayn went and got Louis’ _mother_ involved, cause that’s totally necessary. The little spark of anger intensifies. It may be a while before peace talks can happen. Regardless, Louis sends Jay a quick text, reassuring her that everything’s _totally fine_ , and promising to give her a call in the morning.

 

Finally, there’s two texts from Harry. For some reason this startles Louis. Waking up in Harry’s bed, drinking tea, spilling crumbs and grease on the sheets all the while smiling and feeling sexually satisfied for the first in forever. It all feels so long ago. It was only this morning.

 

Harry’s what Zayn and Louis are fighting about, but at the same time, he’s not. They’re fighting about Zayn’s false image of Harry, they’re fighting about the person Zayn thinks Harry is, they’re fighting about what Zayn thinks Harry means to Louis. Zayn’s wrong though, Louis’ got this under control. Harry can’t hurt him.

 

When Louis opens the text, it’s a photo of a menu. The two food items and descriptions in focus appear to be imaginatively named The Orgasm Roll and The Multiple Orgasm Roll.

 

 **From Harry:** _Interesting sushi menu. Made me think of you =P_

**From Harry:** _The orgasm roll at least. Haven’t quite made it to the multiple orgasm one yet, have we?_

_Yet…_

Ok, so Louis might be in trouble.


	9. Nine

It’s Wednesday and Louis’ sitting in the Up All Night offices fucking around on the internet. He’s waiting on a quote from the caterers for an event scheduled for next month, but other than that, he’s got absolutely nothing to do. Louis’ bored.

 

He’s just contemplating heading out for an early lunch when suddenly, a fully uniformed fireman bursts into the offices. Has Louis fallen asleep? Is this the beginning of some kind of kinky sex dream? The guy doesn’t appear to have any kind of boom box with him, so he’s probably not a stripper. Louis turns to Jesy at the next desk over, she seems just as confused as he is. Leigh-Anne rushes in behind the fireman, coming in from the reception area.

 

“Apparently there’s some kind of problem, and he needs to talk to Katherine” she quickly explains as she guides the man through the office.

 

The two disappear into Katherine’s office, shutting the door behind them.

 

Jesy stares at the closed door, “What d’you reckon all that’s about?”

 

Louis shrugs, “No idea. Guess we’ll find out, if it’s serious.”

 

About five minutes later, the fireman, Leigh-Anne and Katherine come out of the room.

 

“Alright, quiet down everybody. I need your attention for a moment.” Katherine has a calm, serious expression on her face. “Apparently there’s some kind of gas leak in the building, and it’s a safety risk. Obviously we have to evacuate the premises until it’s fixed, but who knows how long that’ll take. As such I’ve decided we should just call it a day. Everything should be sorted by tomorrow morning, but in the meantime, everyone’s free to go home.”

 

Well that’s a bonus. A free afternoon out of nowhere should always be appreciated.

 

Louis quickly gathers his things, and heads out of the building with Jesy.

 

“So, what you gonna do with the rest of your day, babe?” Jesy inquires as they walk to the carpark.

 

“Dunno. Get some lunch? Maybe see a movie? What about you?”

 

Jesy grins, “You know my boyfriend works nights right? I think he’ll be very pleasantly surprised to get me home so early. Might have to make it worth his while. Get myself some afternoon delight, if you catch my drift.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes, “Of course I catch your drift, Jes. Honestly, a neon flashing sign would be more subtle. You’re going to surprise your boyfriend with disturbingly filthy sex.”

 

“Damn right I am.” Jesy extends her hand for a fist bump, “Catch you later, Lou.”

 

“You’re a menace, Jesy Nelson,” Louis yells after her retreating figure.

 

So that’s how Louis finds himself with absolutely nothing to do and no obligations on a Wednesday afternoon. He briefly considers picking Rory up early from daycare, but he quickly decides against it. Rory’s gotten himself into a nice little routine at daycare, it wouldn’t be right to screw with that.

 

Normally he’d go annoy Zayn at the gallery, but things are still a bit tense and awkward there. Zayn’s sent at least one text a day since their fight on Saturday, but Louis’ not quite feeling up to figuring everything out with him yet. He’s still feeling a bit resentful about Zayn’s disapproval towards Harry.

 

When Louis’ phone chimes, he’s expecting it to be another text from Zayn. It’s not though.

 

**From Harry:** _LOOOOUUUUIIIIIISSSSS!!!! I’m bored! Entertain me!_

**To Harry:** _Harry! How’d you know whiny and demanding was my thing? I’m so turned on right now._

**From Harry:** _Don’t make fun of me, I’m in distress. The café’s dead and I’m sooooo boooorrrreeeeddddd. This is an emergency._

Louis types out a reply, but stops before sending it. It could be seen as a bit forward, maybe. But first and foremost Harry is Louis’ friend, Louis’ just being friendly. No good comes from overthinking these things anyway. Louis sends the text.

 

**To Harry:** _So, turns out I’m somehow in possession of a free afternoon. D’you want me to come entertain you in person?_

The response is almost immediate.

**From Harry:** _Seriously Lou, could you? I’ll be forever in your debt._

**To Harry:** _Sure, I can be there in 20?_

**From Harry:** _YAAAAAYYYYYY!!!_

 

*****

 

 

Harry wasn’t lying, the café’s pretty much deserted when Louis gets there. Which is strange, seeing as they’re right in the middle of lunch hour.

 

“What the hell happened Haz? I’ve never seen this place so quiet.”

 

Harry sighs, “Uni holidays, everyone’s gone home. It’s the worst.”

 

“Ok,” Louis nods in understanding, “Then why aren’t you at home?”

 

Harry grimaces, “S’too expensive. Not so much the travelling as the being away from work for so long. Can’t afford it if I want to keep up with my uni accommodation fees. It’s only for a few weeks anyway, everyone’ll be back soon.”

 

“Hey,” Louis exclaims, “I just realised, I have no idea where you’re from. Where’s home for you?”

 

“It’s this tiny little town in Cheshire, Holmes Chapel? You probably haven’t heard of it.”

 

Louis shakes his head, “Can’t say that I have, Sounds well posh though.”

 

Harry grins, “Sorry we can’t all be salt of the earth Yorkshire lads like you, mate.”

 

“I’ll forgive you just this once. Try and do better in the future.”

 

Harry laughs loudly, then claps a hand over his mouth in embarrassment, “God, I’ve missed you, Lou.” He scrunches up his nose, looking like a disgruntled kitten, “That was a weird thing to say, wasn’t it?”

 

A fond smile comes across Louis’ face, “Kinda? Maybe? It’s only been a few days.”

 

“Sorry,” A little frown mars Harry’s otherwise smooth features, “Sometimes my brain to mouth filter doesn’t work so well.”

 

“I’m beginning to get that. I kinda like it though, s’cute.”

 

The frown on Harry’s face is immediately replaced by a wide beaming smile. Maybe Louis should give him compliments more often. It’s contagious too, Louis feels his own smile widening.

 

After just looking at each other for a while, Harry finally breaks the silence.

 

“So, I’m on holiday from uni.”

 

Louis tilts his head in confusion, “I know Haz, you literally told me that 5 minutes ago.”

 

Harry nods, “So I’ve taken on some extra shifts here, but overall I’m gonna have a lot more free time. Plus, Niall’s gone back to Ireland, and most of my other friends have gone home too.”

 

“Aww, are you feeling lonely? Poor baby Hazza.”

 

“Yes! I mean, no! What I’m trying to say is I think you and I should spend some more time together, maybe. Y’know to avoid loneliness.”

 

Louis frowns, “I’ve still got, like, work and stuff. I’m not really rolling in time to hang out, Haz.”

 

“Yeah, Yeah. Course I know that,” Harry agrees, “But you’ve still got time after work, right, and on weekends? S’not like you work all the time.”

 

That’s true, but Louis still doesn’t have any free time. Whenever he’s not working, he’s got Rory. Plus, he can’t really rely on free babysitting at the moment, not when he’s fighting with Zayn. How can Louis explain that he’s got no time for Harry, without looking like he’s blowing him off? Maybe he just has to bite the bullet, and tell him about Rory.

 

He really, really doesn’t want to do it. Everything feels so precarious, he’s absolutely certain any mention of a baby is going to make Harry bolt. And then there’s all the Aaron stuff. At the moment, Louis' relationship with Harry is so carefree and fun. There’s no way it could stay that way once Harry knows about Louis’ tragic past. Maybe Louis can tell Harry about Rory without mentioning Aaron. No, it’s impossible for Louis to separate Aaron from Rory. Rory wouldn’t exist without Aaron, regardless of his genetic makeup.

 

The silence has gone on for way too long. Harry’s looking at Louis expectantly, increasing confusion clouding his features. Louis feels himself starting to panic, his breathing shallow and rapid. Fuck, this is so not what Louis expected when he agreed to hang out today.

 

Suddenly, a huge group of teenage girls burst into the café, all wearing matching uniforms. Louis sends a silent thanks to every single deity he doesn’t believe in, school must have finished for the day.

 

A brunette who can’t be more than sixteen, struts over to the counter. She pouts her lips and bats her eyelashes flirtatiously at Harry.

 

“Heya, could we get two mochas, three cappuccinos and four vanilla lattes, please? And could my latte have an extra pump of vanilla? I like ‘em sweet.”

 

“Um, yeah, of course. I’ll get right on that.” Harry replies, obviously uncomfortable with being so blatantly checked out.

 

“That’s not all you can get on.” The girl mumbles, not quite softly enough if the sudden flush on Harry’s cheeks is any indication.

 

Louis feels a little indignant on Harry’s behalf, but he’s too fucking relieved at being let off the hook to do anything about it.

 

“Hey Haz, looks like you’ve got your hands full. I’m gonna get out of your hair.” Louis proclaims once the girl’s gone back to her group. They’re all giggling and sneaking glances at Harry, it’s a little ridiculous.

 

“No Lou, please don’t leave me with them!” Harry hisses desperately.

 

Louis looks down at his watch. He really should go; it’s about time he went to pick Rory up from daycare anyway. He’s not running away. He’s not.

 

“Sorry, I really gotta go babe.”

 

The pout on Harry’s face is so adorable, Louis can’t help but lean over the counter and kiss it. There’s a loud gasp from the back of the café followed by the sound of multiple teenage girls frantically whispering.

 

When Louis pulls back, Harry’s smiling,

 

“Ok then, go. I’ll see you later?”

 

Louis nods, “Of course. I’ll text you.”

 

As Louis leaves the café, he gets a death glare from the brunette who’d been so obviously flirting with Harry. It makes him feel oddly smug.

 

 

*****

 

 

When Louis makes it back to his flat after picking up Rory, he’s confronted with the familiar but unexpected sight of Zayn on his doorstep. Something seems off with him, he’s pacing in front of the door, stopping occasionally to mess with his hair. He looks more dishevelled and agitated than Louis’ ever seen him. Surely a few days of not talking to Louis wouldn’t affect him this badly, maybe Louis’ got more power than he thought?

 

“Zayn?” Louis questions cautiously.

 

Zayn looks up, “Louis! Thank god you’re here,” Zayn’s still clearly agitated, but there’s some relief there now too, “Listen, I know you’re still pissed at me, and I deserve it, and I’m so, so sorry for what I said. I really was only trying to help, but I realise now I was being kinda controlling. And you’re my best friend, and you’ve gone through so much, and you need my _support_ not my _disapproval._ I know that you haven’t forgiven me yet, and that’s fine, I understand, but I really need my best mate right now, so can we put this fight, like, on pause. Please?”

 

Louis just gapes at him. Zayn’s typically a man of few words, someone who can be relied upon to be cool under pressure. Louis’ never seen him like this before.

 

Rory slaps Louis lightly on the cheek, pulling him out of his daze.

 

“Yeah,” Louis croaks out eventually, “Of course, let’s go inside. I’ll just get Rory settled with some food, and then we can talk.”

 

Zayn nods, fidgeting restlessly whilst Louis moves to unlock the front door. Everything about him is just… off.

 

Louis puts Rory in his highchair and quickly heats up a bottle. He’s been trying to get Rory to eat as much solid food as possible, but Zayn’s demeanour makes him feel like he doesn’t have the time to coax Rory into eating tonight.

 

Sure enough, when Louis makes it back into the living room, Zayn’s pacing back and forth in front of the sofa, it’s like he can’t stay still.

 

“Zee,” Louis sighs, “Please sit down, you’re making me dizzy.”

 

“Sorry!” Zayn exclaims, and immediately plops down on the sofa, his knees jiggling restlessly.

 

Louis sits right beside him and pulls the shaking boy into a hug. He presses a kiss onto Zayn’s forehead and waits for his breathing to settle a little.

 

Finally Louis feels like it’s safe to talk, “Ok mate, you’re kinda freaking me out. Did something bad happen?”

 

He can feel Zayn shaking his head against his shoulder, “Nothing bad, it’s just…”

 

Louis waits, but nothing else comes out, “C’mon Zee, you know you can tell me anything.”

 

Zayn sighs, and mumbles something unintelligible.

 

“Sorry mate, didn’t quite catch that.”

 

“Perrie’s pregnant.” Zayn whispers, it’s so quiet Louis can barely make it out.

 

“What?!” Louis gasps, “Are you for real? That’s amazing! Congratulations!”

 

He pulls back from the hug. Zayn looks miserable.

 

Louis frowns, “You’re not happy.”

 

Zayn groans, his face a complicated mix of emotions, “I’m not _unhappy._ Like, I’ve always wanted to have kids eventually. It’s just, this wasn’t part of the plan. Kids were supposed to be five years away, at least. After we were married, and the gallery was more established. And even then we thought it would be a struggle to even _get_ pregnant, like I’ve told you about Perrie’s polycystic ovarian syndrome, haven’t I?”

 

Louis nods, trying to hold back a grimace. That had been an uncomfortable conversation.

 

“Anyway,” Zayn continues, “It’s supposed to make it really difficult to conceive. And it like, messes with her cycle or whatever, so when she kept missing her period, she thought it was just her PCOS playing up. But, it wasn’t, and now she’s 18 weeks pregnant. And I’m going to be a dad in less than 5 months, and I’m not fucking ready! What am I going to do, Louis?”

 

“Ok,” Louis declares it what he hopes is a confident manner, “So the first thing you’re going to do is take a deep breath, cause you look a little like you’re about suffocate, which wouldn’t be great under the circumstances.”

 

Zayn nods, immediately sucking in some air. Once there’s a little more colour in his cheeks, Louis continues.

 

“Zayn look at me,” Zayn turns to him desperately, fear clear in his eyes, “So this is a little scary and unexpected, but you’re going to be fine, I promise.”

 

Zayn shakes his head, “You don’t know that Louis. How can you know that?”

 

Louis smiles at him reassuringly, “Because you were born to be a dad, Zee. You’ve pretty much been parenting me since we met, so you’ve already got, like 18 years of experience. Plus, you’re such a good godfather to Rory. You’re loving and calm and dedicated and all around amazing. This kid couldn’t ask for a better dad, you and Pez are gonna be the best parents ever.”

 

Zayn’s breathing steadily now, looking significantly calmer than he has all evening.

 

“Thank you, Lou. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that.”

 

Louis scoffs, “Course I know Zayn. D’you really think you’re the first person in the world to have the ‘Holy fuck, I’m gonna be a dad’ freak out? Aaron had to give me pretty much the exact same speech when we found out our surrogate was pregnant, I was well terrified.”

 

“Really?” Zayn asks, surprised, “But that was about as much of a planned pregnancy as you can get. Why d’you freak out?”

 

Louis laughs, “Because no matter what the circumstances, realising that you’re about to be responsible for a real life, tiny, breakable human being is fuckin’ scary, bro.”

 

Zayn’s starting to look pale again, “Oh my god, you’re right! You and Aaron were prepared, you’d been planning to have a baby for years, and you were still scared of breaking them. I’m not ready, Louis. What if I break my baby? Perrie would never forgive me!”

 

“Zee!” Louis exclaims, “You need to pull yourself together. Yes, Aaron and I were prepared. We planned everything years in advance, and were as careful and responsible with every decision as we could possibly be. And look what happened to us! At the end of the day, plans mean fuck all. All you can do is hope for the best, and do what you can with whatever life throws at you.”

 

Zayn nods slowly, “Of course Lou, you’re completely right. M’sorry for acting like your situation was easier than mine just because Rory was planned, I’m an insensitive idiot. Fuck! Why do I keep saying the wrong thing to you? Please don’t get mad again. I know it’s selfish, but I really need you right now. You’re my best friend, not to mention the best dad I know. I can’t afford to lose you right now.”

 

Louis pulls Zayn back into a hug, “It’s ok, Zee. I know you didn’t mean anything by it. You’re a little shell-shocked right now, so I’m giving you a free pass.”

 

“Thank you so much, Lou” Zayn breathes into Louis’ neck.

 

A loud distressed squeal comes from the kitchen. Fuck, Louis left Rory in his highchair for way longer than normal, Zayn may be a bit inaccurate in labelling Louis the best dad he knows.

 

Louis pulls back from the hug, “Ok, so I’m gonna go release that little monster from the evil highchair, but I’ll be right back.”

 

Zayn nods, “Could you bring him with you please, I didn’t even give him a kiss earlier.”

 

Louis quickly goes to grab Rory. He stops squealing as soon as he’s back in his father’s familiar arms, burrowing himself into Louis’ chest. Louis moves back to the living room and places Rory on Zayn’s lap. Zayn immediately hugs the infant to his chest, and noses at his soft blond hair.

 

“Hey, little guy. How are you baby?” Zayn turns to Louis, “Lou, I hope you realise Pez and I are gonna have to borrow your baby. Like a lot. At least once a week I think, probably more. You’re cool with that, right?”

 

Louis chuckles lightly, “Of course I’m cool with it Zee, I trust you. Please feel free to use my son for practice parenting whenever you want. Just as long as I get to keep him most of the time.”

 

“Zee!” Rory agrees happily.

 

An actual tear rolls down Zayn’s cheek at that, “Oh my god! Did he just say what I think he said?”

 

Louis grins at him, “That he did, mate. Now I think you should go find your fiancée, or baby momma, I should say. You’re a mess, man. I may find it repulsive, but I hear chicks are really into all that emotional shit. Who knows, it might help her forgive you for running out on her tonight?”

 

Zayn’s eyes widen fearfully, “Fuck man, you’re right! Pezza’s gonna absolutely flay me. I should go, like, right now.”

 

He’s out the door in a flash, only pausing to kiss Louis then Rory on the forehead.

 

Louis looks down at his son, “Uncle Zee’s very silly, isn’t he Ror?”

 

“Zee.” Rory agrees sagely.

 

 

*****

 

 

By the time Louis gets into bed that night he’s already received several texts from Zayn updating him on the situation.

 

Predictably, Perrie hadn’t been impressed with Zayn running out on her, but they’ve since sorted everything out. They’d both agreed that looking after Rory was good preparation for their own baby, and had asked Louis if they could take care of him every Saturday.

 

Despite what he’d told Zayn, Louis’ a little reluctant to give Rory up for a whole day, every week. But it’s for the greater good, if taking Rory is going to help reduce Zayn and Perrie’s stress, then it’s well worth the sacrifice.

 

He’s just lying in bed, fucking around on his phone and trying to beat his high score on Flappy Bird, when a text from Harry flashes at the top of the screen.

 

**From Harry:** _Don’t think I’ve forgotten that you didn’t give me an answer earlier Louis. When are we gonna hang out?_

**From Harry:** _All my friends have abandoned me! I need you to keep me company! Promise I’ll make it worth your while ;)_

Louis laughs to himself and quickly answers the text.

 

**To Harry:** _Subtle Haz. You’re not actually trying to exchange sexual favours for company, are you?_

**From Harry:** _Heeyyyyy! I’m all about the company._

**From Harry:** _Though I’m certainly not opposed to the sexual stuff ;)_

**To Harry:** _Stop winking at me Harold! It’s creepy_

**From Harry:** _Then say you’ll hang out with me!_

**From Harry:** _Or else ;)_

**To Harry:** _Are you threatening me?_

**From Harry:** _;)_

**To Harry:** _You’re being ridiculous._

**From Harry:** _;)_

**To Harry:** _Am I the only one finding the winky faces mildly sinister now?_

**From Harry:** _;)_

**To Harry:** _Fine! As it happens, I’ve just accumulated some free time this Saturday, we can hang out then if you want?_

**From Harry:** _There! That wasn’t so hard now, was it?_

**From Harry:** _Saturday’s perfect. I’ll see you theeeennnnn!!!_

**To Harry:** _You’re insane._

**From Harry:** _;)_


	10. Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, just a couple of things before we get into it:
> 
> 1- So based on my plan for the story at the moment, it's looking like this is going to be about 15 chapters overall. Maybe 16 at the most?
> 
> 2- I have a tumblr! Come talk to me there if you feel like it =) It's bandshirtedboybanders.tumblr.com
> 
> 3- Hope you enjoy the new chapter!

“Louis, I don’t understand why you’re fighting me on this. You love superheroes, you love Marvel, the new Avengers movie just came out this week and you haven’t seen it yet. Why are you suggesting we watch Jennifer Aniston’s latest rom-com?”

 

It’s Saturday morning, and Harry and Louis are loitering in the foyer of a cinema just down the road from the Manchester University campus.

 

Louis sighs exasperatedly, “Because you _told_ me you’re not that into superhero movies, Haz, and we both like rom-coms. Shouldn’t we see something we both like rather than something only one of us will enjoy?”

 

“It’s not like I _hate_ them, they’re just not my favourite.” Harry huffs.

 

“Don’t worry yourself babe,” Louis placates, “I’ll come back and watch it with Zayn, he’s even more into Marvel then I am.”

 

Harry frowns, “Fine, we’ll watch the stupid rom-com.”

 

Louis’ hand seems to move of its own volition, his thumb smoothing over the frown line between Harry’s eyebrows. Harry’s eyes follow the motion, his entire face goes lax as Louis’ thumb ghosts over his skin.

 

“Be happy Haz, it’s a compromise. Compromises are good.” Louis hand is still touching Harry’s face, his thumb just resting against warm skin.

 

“I guess,” Harry concedes, “All healthy relationships are based on compromise, right?”

 

Louis abruptly snatches his hand away from Harry’s face, his heart feels like it’s about to beat out of his chest.

 

It’s that word that does it. _Relationship._ Obviously Harry doesn’t mean anything by it. Like, friendships are relationships. Fuck, acquaintances are technically relationships. Still, that word implies something much bigger than Louis’ prepared for. Harry doesn’t know anything about Louis’ real life; they’re certainly not in a fucking _relationship._

Harry awkwardly clears his throat, obviously picking up on the sudden tension in the air, “Um, so if we’re gonna see the Jennifer Aniston one, we should probably get our tickets now. It starts in like, 10 minutes.”

 

Louis shakes himself and plasters a grin on his face, he’s overreacting, he’s being stupid, “Sure, why don’t you get the tickets and I’ll go get us some sweets?”

 

Harry smiles cautiously, “Sounds like a solid plan. Could you get me a Curly Wurly, please? It’s my movie going staple.”

 

Louis can’t help but laugh, “Seriously? You want a Curly Wurly, do ya Curly?” He tugs at a stray tendril of Harry’s hair for emphasis.

 

Harry gasps and bites at his lip. Fuck, Louis had momentarily forgotten about Harry’s… interesting reactions to getting his hair pulled.

 

Harry flushes a little, but quickly covers his embarrassment with bravado, “Oh no Yorkshire, that almost sounded like the beginnings of a pun. Crude, but I definitely see potential. I’m so proud of you!”

 

“Fuck off Haz. It was no such thing.”

 

Harry just beams knowingly.

 

Louis groans, “You’re an evil corrupting influence. Now go get those tickets, and I’ll get you a fucking Curly Wurly.”

 

 

*****

 

 

After the movie, they grab a quick lunch. They chat easily over their sandwiches, finally catching up on all of the stupid getting-to know-you stuff they’ve somehow managed to completely skip over.

 

They cover mothers, siblings (No way! you have five sisters? Like, I love my sister, but I think I’d die if there were four more of her. It’s wicked that you finally got a brother though.), work and uni.

 

They’ve gone over all of the basics really, except for one very notable exception. Rory. Louis neglecting to mention Rory is starting to feel like less like a harmless omission, and more like an outright lie. It makes Louis’ stomach squirm every time they touch on a topic where Rory could so easily be slipped into the conversation. It happens a lot too, Louis a typical parent in that sense, his son is always on his mind. Everything reminds him of his little boy in one way or another.

 

In any case, Louis perseveres, still determined to learn everything he can about Harry. The boy fascinates him somehow.

 

“So what do you think you’ll do after you’ve finished up at uni? Now that it’s almost over, have you got any plans?”

 

Harry sighs, “That’s the big question isn’t it?”

 

Louis grimaces, “Sorry. You must be so tired of hearing that. I remember when Aar- um, my ex graduated, he used to get really stressed out whenever people hounded him about what he was going to do next. You don’t have to answer.”

 

Harry smiles, “Don’t worry about it, Lou. I do have some idea, I’m just… a little reluctant to commit, maybe?”

 

“Would talking about it help?”

 

Harry sighs again, “I dunno, maybe?” he pauses, looking deep in thought.

 

Harry’s quiet for so long, Louis’ convinced he’s not going to say anymore on the subject. Louis’ internally scrambling for some, more innocuous topic they can move on to, when Harry finally starts talking again.

 

“It’s just, I kind of regret my degree choice a bit. When I left school, I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do. I’ve always quite liked science, so I just went for that. But now that it’s all said and done, I don’t think that’s what I want to do for the rest of my life. I’m sick of being in laboratories, y’know? And the research process can be so tedious sometimes. I’m just… over it.”

 

Louis nods, “So what _do_ you want to do?”

 

A wistful smile immediately crosses Harry’s face, “I want to be a teacher.”

 

“Really? Primary or Secondary School?”

 

“Primary,” Harry replies immediately, “I love kids, and I love being around people and like, passing on knowledge, as cheesy as that sounds. I feel like I could be really good at it.”

 

Louis looks at Harry contemplatively, “I think you’d be great teacher, Haz. God knows you’ve already got the jokes sorted. Maybe not with the older kids, but you may actually get a few laughs from the seven and under crowd.”

 

Harry leans across the table and whacks Louis’ arm, “Fuck off, you think I’m hilarious, and you’re definitely over seven.”

 

Louis smirks, “You can’t prove anything.”

 

Suddenly something that Harry said earlier comes back to him, “So what’s the problem then?” Harry looks confused, so Louis continues, “Why are you- what was it that you said? ‘Reluctant to commit’?”

 

Harry sighs, “It’s just, I haven’t even finished my current degree, and I’m already looking at starting a second one. It’s another three-year commitment, plus another few thousand in student debt. Like, I know it’s for the best in the long run, I just… I dunno, I need to think on it some more.”

 

They lapse into a comfortable silence, Louis mulling over Harry’s situation when suddenly the full implication of something else Harry said hits him.

 

“Wait! Did you say you like kids?”

 

Harry gapes at the urgency in Louis’ tone, “Uh, yeah? Love’em. Why? Are you not a fan?”

 

Louis shakes his head quickly, “No, I love them too. Do you only like them as like a sometimes thing, or do you maybe want some of your own one day, like to raise?”

 

Louis feels desperate, like however Harry answers this question could change everything.

 

Louis hasn’t allowed himself to seriously consider Harry as a long-term prospect. He likes him obviously, like a lot, but he’s just so fucking young. Now though, Louis’ letting himself think about it. It’s just the very first seed of a thought, just a _maybe._ Even that first seed though makes Louis feel so much… lighter somehow. Which is kind of weird.

 

Harry looks at him seriously, “Absolutely. Yeah, I’ve always wanted kids.”

 

It feels like Louis’ entire body relaxes at that. This is it. This is the moment Louis should tell Harry about Rory. He quickly considers how he’s going to phrase it. Should he just blurt it out? No, he should ease Harry into it. He’s going to be surprised, maybe angry too. Louis has to be careful with this, it could be the first step towards… something.

 

Before Louis can say anything, Harry’s talking again, “That’s another reason I’m finding committing to the teaching thing so difficult.”

 

“What, why?” Louis asks distractedly, still trying to figure out how to bring up his son.

 

“Because it puts all that on hold. Like, obviously I don’t want to have kids before I’m established in my career.”

 

Oh. That’s not ideal.

 

Harry’s looking at him expectantly.

 

“Obviously,” Louis agrees despondently.

 

“So if I start on a new career track now, that’s- what? Another four years, before I can even _think_ about babies.”

 

Louis nods along listlessly, the seed of hope he’d allowed to grow in his chest dying a slow painful death.

 

“I mean, I guess that’d only make me twenty-six, which isn’t so old to have your first kid,” Harry continues obliviously, “But I’d always kinda thought I’d be younger. I dunno,” Harry shrugs indifferently, “I guess that’s one of the upsides to being gay though, right? Like at least I’m 100% in control of when I have kids. S’not like I’m gonna accidently knock someone up, is it?”

 

He says it lightly, obviously joking, but it just makes Louis sad.

 

So his initial instincts had been right. Harry’s too young. Not ready. Not long-term material. Louis really shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up like that. _Stupid._

Harry looks concerned now, “Lou, are you ok?”

 

Louis sighs, he doesn’t really want to be here anymore, disappointment curling in his gut, “Not really, Haz. I’m feeling a little unwell if I’m honest. Might have to call it a day.”

 

Harry frowns, “No! You should’ve said something sooner. D’you need a lift home?”

 

Louis shakes his head quickly, “S’ok, I drove. Should be able to get myself home in one piece.”

 

Harry looks dubious, “Ok, if you say so.” he smiles at Louis softly, “I had a really good time today, Lou.”

 

“I did too,” Louis replies sincerely. Today’s been lovely, every day with Harry’s been lovely, that’s the problem. The disappointed feeling intensifies.

 

Louis stands up, readying himself to leave. Harry mirrors his movements, walking Louis out of café, and towards the carpark next to the cinema.

 

“Well, this is me.” Louis declares when they make it back to his car. Thank god he left Rory’s car seat with Zayn and Perrie. That would have been difficult to explain.

 

Harry leans closer, more hesitant than Louis’ ever seen him.

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

“Probably not a good idea,” Louis mumbles, turning his head away before Harry can get any closer, “I might be contagious.”

 

“Oh,” Harry looks equal parts confused and just plain sad, like he can tell that something’s gone wrong somewhere, but he can’t for the life of him figure out what it is. “I guess I’ll see you later then?”

 

Louis smiles at him reassuringly, “Of course. I’ll text you later, ok?”

 

And he will. Harry’s too damn lovely to cut out of his life, particularly when he hasn’t actually done anything wrong. Things will go back to normal between them, they might even have sex again. Hopefully. Louis just needs some space to nurse his stupid disappointment, that he has no right to feel in the first place, and some time to recalibrate his expectations.

 

Harry doesn’t know any of this though, he just looks worried, “Bye Lou. Hope you feel better soon.”

 

“Bye Haz,” Louis replies.

 

 

*****

 

 

Wednesday is Rory’s first birthday. Louis doesn’t know how to feel.

 

He wakes up numb, almost like there are so many conflicting emotions running through his mind, that they all just cancel each other out.

 

Still, he puts up appearances, and plays the part of the happy, doting dad.

 

He wakes Rory up with enthusiasm, blowing raspberries on his pudgy little tummy and tickling his toes. The little boy squeals and squirms with delight. Louis gives him his favourite banana and pear baby food for breakfast with some grapes on the side. He watches as Rory gorges himself, stuffing the grapes in his mouth like he’s worried they’re going to vanish.

 

After a quick bath, they’re off to daycare. Jade yelps with joy when they walk through the front door, running over to them and scooping Rory into her arms.

 

“Well hello birthday boy. One year old today! You’re getting so grown up.”

 

Louis smiles at her, “He’s been in a really good mood this morning, so he shouldn’t give you any trouble.”

 

Jade scoffs as she tickles lightly under Rory’s chin, “He never gives me any trouble, he’s like the happiest baby ever,” she turns away from the giggling boy in her arms and gives Louis a sincere look, “You’ve done such a good job with him, Louis. Pez’s told me a bit about what happened, y’know, with his other dad, and like, I don’t know if I would have been able to do what you’ve done. You should be really proud of yourself.”

 

Louis shakes his head and squirms uncomfortably. He’s always suspected Perrie must have told Jade something about Aaron, but he’s not sure how he feels about having it confirmed.

 

He leaves Jade and the daycare as quickly and politely as possible, and drives into work.

 

It’s another quiet day at the office, all of the events he’s got in the works are going worryingly smoothly. He’s kind of just sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop. For one of the catering companies to cancel, or for a venue to fall through at the last minute, but so far everything’s going completely as planned.

 

He’s just composing an email to a security company, confirming how many guards they’ll need for an event over the weekend, when his mobile starts buzzing.

 

It’s Harry calling.

 

They haven’t actually spoken since everything went down on Saturday. They’ve texted a few times obviously, Harry checking up on him, making sure Louis’ fully recovered from his fabricated illness. He’s sent texts with the odd joke as well, but mostly, Louis’ been avoiding him. Keeping his distance until he’s absolutely sure things can go back to the status quo.

 

They’re mates who’ve exchanged orgasms. Nothing more profound or long-term is going to happen between them.

 

Louis pauses before picking up the phone, quickly assessing whether or not he’s ready to take this step. Finally he makes his decision, takes a deep breath, and answers the call.

 

“Heya Haz, how are ya?” He asks, perhaps overenthusiastically.

 

“Um,” Harry replies sounding a little taken aback by Louis’ tone, “Fine I guess, how are you? Not still feeling sick, I hope.”

 

“Nope!” Louis cringes at the manic edge in his voice, he sounds like he’s just consumed an entire bag of sugar, “All better now. Thanks for checking up on me, mate”

 

“Of course,” Harry replies slowly, “I was actually calling for a specific reason though.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. So I’ve got these tickets…” Harry begins carefully.

 

Louis feels himself frown, “Tickets?”

 

“Yeah,” Harry says again, “For this band, The 1975. Not sure if you’ve heard of them, but they’re like, really good, one of my favourites. Anyway, I know it’s really short notice, but the show’s tonight. My mate Nick works at a radio station, and he got the tickets as like, a last minute freebie, and he knows I love the band, so he gave them to me. Are you free?”

 

“Sorry mate,” Louis gets in once Harry’s finished, “Tonight’s no good. I’m actually driving over to Donny to have dinner with the family.”

 

“Really?” Harry asks, surprised, “In the middle of the week? Any special occasion?”

 

It’s for Rory’s birthday of course, they’re driving down with Zayn and Perrie straight after work, but Louis can’t _tell_ Harry any of that.

 

“Not really,” Louis replies too quickly, “Mum just misses me I guess, couldn’t even wait for the weekend to see me.” He cringes as soon as the words are out of his mouth. Now that didn’t sound suspicious at all. He has six siblings for god’s sake, couldn’t he have lied and said it was one of their birthdays or something. Apparently not.

 

“Right…” Harry doesn’t sound at all convinced by Louis’ half-hearted lie, “D’you want to maybe catch up this weekend instead?”

 

Louis relaxes; relieved Harry’s apparently decided to let the issue drop, “Sure. I’m free on Saturday again.”

 

“Excellent,” Harry exclaims excitedly, “We could go see another movie, or have lunch, or go to a museum…”

 

“Yeah.” Louis agrees noncommittally, “That all sounds good.”

 

“Or,” Harry says cheekily, his voice dropping several octaves, “We could always just hang out at mine. I’m sure we could find _something_ to do there.”

 

“Harold!” Louis gasps in mock outrage, “Are you trying to get me back into bed? I am shocked and appalled.”

 

Harry chuckles lightly, before regaining his composure, “Of course not. I’m a gentleman, Louis. I could never besmirch your honour like that. I’m scandalised you would even suggest such a thing.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes fondly, “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, mate. I should get back to work. See you on Saturday.”

 

“Sure thing Lou. Have a safe trip to Donny!”

 

Louis hangs up the phone, and immediately catches Jesy’s eye at the desk across from his. She’s looking at him very pointedly.

 

“What?” He demands defensively.

 

Jesy merely shrugs, a knowing grin plastered on her face.

 

“Whatever.” Louis mutters, incredibly maturely.

 

He ignores her, and returns to his email.

 

 

*****

 

 

Louis picks up Rory from daycare first, then stops by Zayn and Perrie's place before starting the drive to Doncaster.

 

Perrie immediately claims the front seat, because _I’m carrying your bloody baby Zayn, I deserve extra leg room._ She looks pregnant too. Louis’ not sure if she’s only popped recently or if it’s because he knows what to look for, but the swell of her stomach seems so obvious now. She’s glowing; Zayn is too in his own way. He’s completely over his anxiety and is now just floating around in a quietly content daze. He entertains Rory for the whole drive, engaging in a ridiculously long game of peek-a-boo and playing with a few of Rory’s favourite toys, whilst Louis and Perrie chat in the front.

 

The drive is over quickly, and before they know it they’re being ambushed by Louis’ sisters, Jay and Dan just managing to keep the toddlers at bay. Lottie immediately takes Rory out of Louis’ arms, carrying the baby away with only a cursory ‘hello’ to Louis. Fizzy, Phoebe and Daisy at least manage to give their brother a quick hug before moving away to coo over their nephew.

 

“Ok, I see how it is,” Louis pouts dramatically, “I’m cute too you know!”

 

“As if,” Lottie scoffs derisively, “Personally, I can’t understand how you managed to create someone as adorable as Rory. You must have a lot of good recessive genes.”

 

“Rude!” Louis declares before finally turning his attention to the rest of his family.

 

“Lou!” Doris exclaims, as soon as she has her brother’s attention, squirming in Dan’s arms trying desperately to get to Louis.

 

Louis smiles down at her and strokes her cheek, “Ok, it’s decided. You’re my favourite.”

 

Ernie squawks indignantly from Jay’s arms, “My favourite sister!” he amends quickly switching his attention, “You’re definitely my favourite brother, Ernie.”

 

Ernie nods, seemingly satisfied with the clarification, “Lou, play games?”

 

Louis looks at Jay who nods quickly in approval, “Sure, mate. We can play a few games until dinner’s ready.”

 

He’s just admiring the twins’ newest toys, when the front door opens again.

 

“Sorry I’m late!” Mary announces as she walks into the living room, “There was a bit of a disaster with the birthday cake, but I managed to sort it out.”

 

She places said cake on the living room coffee table, before walking over to where Louis’ sitting on the floor.

 

She bends down and presses a quick kiss to his forehead, “Good to see you, Lou. Where’s the birthday boy?”

 

Louis smiles up at her, “He’s upstairs being doted on by his adoring aunts.”

 

Mary smiles back, “Of course, I should’ve known.” She does a quick scan of her surroundings, and quickly spots Zayn and Perrie chatting to Dan at the other end of the room. “Perrie!” she exclaims delightedly, “Look at you! You’re looking gorgeous, love.”

 

“She is, isn’t she,” Zayn sighs reverently, rubbing Perrie’s stomach gently.

 

Perrie rolls her eyes whilst Mary and Dan exchange an amused look.

 

“How far along are you?” Mary asks.

 

“A little over 19 weeks” Perrie replies, smiling softly.

 

“Well I’m very happy for you both.”

 

“Me too!” Jay agrees, her head popping out from the kitchen, “Dinner’s ready. Can you get your sisters please, Louis?”

 

 

*****

 

 

They’ve just finished eating Mary’s cake, and Louis’ feeling pleasantly full. Content, after a nice home-cooked meal, and from being surrounded by family.

 

“Alright!” Zayn breaks into Louis’ easy thoughts, “We should probably start the drive back to Manchester. We’ve all got work in the morning.”

Louis sighs, but nods, “You’re right. I’ll get Rory ready.”

 

“Wait!” Daisy exclaims from where she’s been chatting with Phoebe, “We haven’t done the birthday memories yet!”

 

Louis’ throat goes dry as soon as she says it, his heart beating incredibly fast.

 

Jay glances furtively at Louis and quickly shakes her head, “I don’t think that’s such a good idea Daisy.”

 

Phoebe takes over from there, “But muuuum, it’s tradition. You do it for all of us, so Louis’ gotta do it for Rory. It’s like a Tomlinson rite of passage.”

 

Mary, Zayn and Perrie all look incredibly confused.

 

 It’s Mary who asks the inevitable question, “What on earth are you all talking about?”

 

“The birthday memories!” Daisy repeats excitedly, “It’s this really embarrassing thing mum’s always done. Whenever it’s one of our birthdays she tells us in excruciating detail everything that happened on the day we were born. It’s the worst. You have to do it Lou!”

 

 Zayn, who was actually with Louis for a majority of the day Rory was born, immediately sees the problem, and tries valiantly to deflect, “Excruciating detail, huh,” he begins, all false casualness, “Don’t think we have time for that Daise. Long drive home and all that.”

 

“Fine,” It’s Fizzy who interjects this time, “Maybe not _super_ detailed, but I’d actually really like to hear this. I’ve never heard anything about the day Rory was born.”

 

 _There’s a reason for that_ Louis thinks desperately, but there are now three sets of wide, expectant blue eyes trained on him. He’s not getting out of this one.

 

“Ok,” He finally relents, Zayn looks equally startled and concerned by Louis’ acquiescence, “Just the short version though, no- um, _excruciating detail._ ” He cringes at the word excruciating, it’s uncomfortably apt.

 

“So,” he begins, deciding that just jumping in is the best way to go, “I got the call from the hospital saying that Ava, our surrogate, was in labour at about 11 in the morning. I was… at home.”

 

_He’d been in bed. Not sleeping. It had happened right in the middle of a particularly difficult period when he hadn’t actually slept for more than an hour in several days. He’d just been lying there, surrounded by sheets that hadn’t been washed since Aaron had last slept there with him, almost two months earlier. Before Aaron had been moved to the hospital full-time. His memory of the weeks before that day were worryingly unclear, he’d just been floating around in a daze of misery._

 

_Yeah, that month between losing Aaron and having Rory had been… surreal._

 

“Anyway,” Louis continues, forcing himself to push on, “I freaked out. Like, had a proper little meltdown. You would’ve thought after knowing about him for months, I’d be prepared… but - yeah, not so much. Luckily, that’s when Zayn arrived,” he glances at his best mate, who sends a cautious smile back. He’s sure they both remember that day very clearly.

 

 _Louis had been in tears, curled up in a ball on his bed when Zayn had burst into the bedroom. Zayn had immediately scooped Louis into his arms rocking him soothingly._ I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this _Louis had whispered over and over again, his own little mantra._ You can _Zayn had confidently declared, before pushing Louis into the shower and driving him to the hospital._

_Once they were there, everything went incredibly fast. In less than an hour, Rory was in the world, wailing in Louis’ arms. He was simultaneously the most adorable and terrifying thing Louis had ever seen._

_“Thank you,” he’d whispered to Ava, the woman who had given him everything._

_“You’re welcome,” she’d replied tears glistening in her eyes, “I know this wasn’t how it was supposed to go, but I need you to know that I have every faith in you. You’re going to be an amazing dad.”_

“It was love at first sight as soon as I saw him though,” Louis explains, Daisy and Phoebe stare, transfixed by his every word, “Like, I was still freaking out on the inside, but I knew I had to at least pretend to have it together. I was somebody’s dad now after all.”

 

The whole room falls silent once he’s finished. Louis glances over at Rory, his eyes are drooping and he looks like he’s about to fall asleep in his highchair. It’s been a very long day, the poor thing must be exhausted. They really should go.

 

Zayn, Perrie and Louis say goodbye to all of the Doncaster crew as quickly as possible.

 

Jay of course pulls Louis into a bone-crushing hug before they can leave.

 

“I know this past year has been hard for you love,” she whispers into his ear, “But you’ve done such a good job. I’m so proud of you.”

 

Louis nods, trying valiantly to suppress the tears threatening to leak from his eyes.

 

His mother pulls back from the hug, and looks him square in the eye, “Good things are about to happen for you Louis, I just know it,” She declares with so much conviction, it’s a little overwhelming.

 

All that Louis can think of the whole drive back to Manchester, is how much he hopes she’s right.


	11. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah, I'm so sorry this chapter took longer than usual. I was away last weekend, and then I had a little bit of trouble getting everything in my head actually onto the page. Hopefully this still flows ok.
> 
> Once again, thank you so much for the kudos and comments! You're all the best =)

Louis’ lips slide wetly against Harry’s, their hips moving together in minute circles. They’re supposed to be watching a movie; some stupid comedy is playing on Harry’s laptop. Neither of them is paying any attention to it though.

 

This is the third Saturday in a row Louis’ come over to Harry’s hall of residence, and it’s all becoming very familiar. The sheepish walk to Harry’s bedroom for example, ducking through half-asleep uni students, still in the process of recovering from their Friday nights. Thankfully, it’s still uni holidays, so there aren’t too many exhausted young people to navigate.

 

The bright smile on Harry’s face when he opens the door to Louis is becoming familiar too, as is the soft kiss he presses into the corner of Louis’ mouth in greeting. They put a movie on every time, but it’s all pretence. They always end up here, Harry sitting up against the headboard of his bed, Louis straddling his hips, moaning into each other’s mouths.

 

“Fuck,” Harry groans, and that desperate little noise is becoming pretty damn familiar too. That, and the way Harry’s face scrunches up when he comes, “Too many clothes. Take off… everything. Everything off.” Harry tugs urgently at the hem of Louis’ t-shirt, not actually managing to remove any item of clothing.

 

Louis sighs melodramatically and rolls away, pulling off his clothes with brutal efficiency. Harry’s naked too by the time Louis climbs back onto his lap, so that’s nice. Harry’s skin is hot and perfect everywhere they’re touching.

 

Harry bites lightly at the tendon on the side of Louis’ neck. Louis whines softly in response, his hips jolting forward of their own volition. The movement lines their groins up together perfectly, creating a delicious kind of friction. Louis lazily rolls his hips into it, revelling in the slow, easy build of sensation.

 

Harry apparently isn’t feeling slow and easy today. He groans in frustration, before wrapping one of his ridiculously big hands around both of their hard cocks, jerking them steadily. Louis gasps in surprise, slumping forward until his forehead hits Harry’s collarbones. He starts mouthing at the skin there, sucking an impressive bruise into one of Harry’s pecs. Harry increases the pace of the hand on their dicks, thumbing over Louis’ head on every upstroke. It’s intense, almost too much, the movement only smoothed slightly by the precome leaking from them both.

 

His orgasm is just beginning to bubble up in his stomach, almost there, when Harry’s hand abruptly stops moving. Louis’ initial reaction to this particular development is to clamp his teeth down childishly onto Harry’s chest.

 

Harry hisses in pain, “Ouch!”

 

Louis takes a couple of deep breaths, calming himself before looking up to meet Harry’s eyes, “Sorry,” he apologises sincerely, “Just, why’d you stop? I was so close…”

 

Louis starts thrusting into Harry’s fist, still chasing his release. At that, Harry lets go of their cocks entirely, and Louis actually growls.

 

“Sorry, sorry,” Harry exclaims quickly, “It’s just… um, I’ve been thinking, like a lot, about maybe, um…”

 

Louis isn’t in the mood for this, “Jesus Harold, spit it out already, m’not getting any younger.”

 

“I want you to fuck me.”

 

Louis freezes. Well that’s… yeah. They haven’t done that yet.

 

Harry must sense Louis’ trepidation, immediately backtracking, “We don’t have to, obviously.” He rushes out, “It’s just… something I’ve been thinking about.”

 

Louis may be reeling a little bit.

 

It’s not like he’s surprised by this development. Things have been heading this way for a while now. They’ve been doing _stuff_ together for over a month, just not _that._ Not yet.

 

“You don’t want to,” Harry infers from Louis’ silence, “Forget I said anything. Lie down for me babe, I’ll suck you off.”

 

“Wait,” Louis finds himself saying without ever consciously making the decision to do so. Harry’s big green eyes look into Louis’ searchingly, like he’s trying to figure out what’s going on inside his head. Good luck _, Louis_ doesn’t even fully understand what’s going on inside his head.

 

“Would you rather do it the other way round, Lou?” Harry enquires helpfully, “I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been fantasising about having your dick inside me for a while now, but your arse holds a considerable amount of appeal too. I can get on board with either, m’versatile.”

 

Louis shakes his head in shock, his erection giving a distinct throb at Harry’s words, “Fuck Haz, you can’t just _say_ shit like that.”

 

Harry grins at him cheekily, “Pretty sure I just did.”

 

Louis feels the tension drain out of his body when he sees Harry’s smile. It hits him right then: he _wants_ this, and not just in a super horny, willing to fuck anything that moves kinda way. He wants this with _Harry,_ like specifically with this stupidly pretty, goofy, naked boy, with a terrible sense of humour.

 

 _Fuck._ Louis has feelings for him. He’s been trying to avoid it ever since that disastrous conversation where he’d almost brought up Rory. Tried to keep things simple, just exchange a couple of orgasms and easy conversations with the guy. Tried to remind himself that it’s doomed, that Harry’s a good four years away from wanting kids, which is kind of a big fucking deal-breaker, considering Louis already has a one-year old.

 

It’s been inevitable though, ever since he’s allowed himself to consider the possibility of actually _being_ with Harry, the idea has just festered in some dark corner of his mind. Everything’s getting a little bit out of control. Louis wants so much more with Harry than he can ever hope to have. This is the part where he should run.

 

Harry’s still watching him. Louis wants him so much, any way he can have him, so he makes a very stupid decision.

 

He plasters a grin on his face, hoping to convey confidence, “Well Haz, I’d hate to deprive you of my dick, when you’ve been fantasising about it for so long.”

 

Harry positively beams at that, “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

 

Louis just smiles, “You have stuff, right?”

 

“Uh, yeah! Yeah I do, let me just…”

 

Harry scrambles out from underneath Louis, moving to his bedside table. He riffles through the drawer until he finds what he’s looking for, triumphantly placing a condom and a bottle of lube on the bedspread, right next to Louis thigh.

 

“How do you want me?” He asks eagerly, just sort of hovering on his knees in front of Louis. His eyes are bright and his cheeks are flushed, and he’s almost too fucking much. Almost.

 

“Um,” Louis mumbles, trying to gain some modicum of composure, “I guess however you’re most comfortable?”

 

“Might go on my front, if that’s ok with you?”

 

He’s positioning himself before Louis ever has the chance to respond, resting on his elbows and knees; perky, pale arse conveniently placed directly in front of Louis’ hips.

 

“Fuck,” Louis breathes, absolutely in awe, “You look so good like this, babe.”

 

Harry shivers slightly when Louis places a hand on his back, delicately tracing the curve of his spine.

 

Louis leans over Harry’s hunched body and whispers dirtily in his ear, “Reckon you’ll look even better with my cock in you.”

 

Harry moans filthily, “Get on with it then. Please Lou, want you.”

 

Louis nods quickly before realising that Harry can’t actually see him, “Yeah, of course. Want you too. Let me just…”

 

Louis finds the bottle of lube, still lying innocuously by his thigh, and quickly coats three fingers.

 

He circles lightly around Harry’s rim with a wet index finger, takes a deep, steadying breath, and pushes the digit in to the first knuckle.

 

Harry actually sighs, pushing back, taking Louis’ finger in further, “You can go deeper, and like, harder y’know,” Harry reassures, craning his neck to the side so he can send Louis a cheeky grin, “This isn’t my first rodeo.”

 

Louis snorts and pushes his finger in fully, “I know that Haz,” Louis says softly, twisting his finger a little, appreciating the warm grip of Harry’s muscle, “Just want to be careful is all,” he starts thrusting steadily, “Don’t wanna hurt you.”

 

“Kinda like it when it hurts a little,” Is Harry’s totally inappropriate response.

 

Louis groans and slips his middle finger in alongside the first one, much quicker than he ever would have done with Aaron. Aaron liked taking prep slowly.

 

Harry’s not Aaron though, “Yeah, just like that Lou. So good.” He groans, pushing back trying to increase the pace.

 

Before he knows it, Louis’ three fingers into Harry’s arse, fingers curving, searching. Harry groans and clenches around Louis’ fingers when they finally brush against his prostate.

 

“M’ready, m’ready Lou. Please. Want you inside.” Harry’s whining and needy and so fucking perfect. Louis’ helpless to resist.

 

He pulls his fingers out, ignoring Harry’s little grumble of protest, and quickly puts on the condom. The friction from lubing up his cock is almost enough to make Louis come, which is ridiculous. Louis’ a motherfucking adult, he needs to do a good job of this. He squeezes the base of his dick, trying desperately to pull himself back from the edge.

 

It takes a couple of deep breath, but eventually, Louis feels composed enough to get on with the job at hand. He lines himself up with Harry’s hole, and pushes in.

 

“Fuck,” Harry sighs once Louis’ fully inside.

 

“Yeah,” Louis agrees shakily, “Fuck.”

 

Harry’s tight and warm and gripping intermittently around Louis’ cock. Louis has to bite harshly at his lips to distract himself from how bloody amazing this feels.

 

Harry shifts, circling his hips, adjusting to the feeling of Louis inside him, “Ok,” he says after a minute or two, “I’m good.”

 

“Yeah?” Louis confirms dazedly, hips immediately thrusting lightly, hands wrapping around the little lovehandles above Harry’s hips.

 

“Harder,” Harry groans, and Louis’ quick to comply. He starts absolutely pounding into the boy underneath him, losing all semblance of control.

 

Everything is amazing: Harry’s amazing. The smell of sweat and exertion in the air is amazing. The little grunts and groans Harry makes every time Louis’ balls slap against his arse are amazing. The way Harry shudders when Louis hits his prostate dead on, the way he moans and squirms when Louis keeps on hitting it, that’s a fucking religious experience.

 

Louis finds himself hurtling once again to the edge of orgasm. The only thought running through his head: _Get Harry off first._ With that clear goal in mind Louis quickly detaches one of his hands from where it was squeezing at Harry’s side, and wraps it around Harry’s cock, jerking the boy off rapidly.

 

Harry just sort of collapses, his head falls onto his forearms, and he mouths wetly at whatever skin he can get a hold of. It only takes a few strokes of Harry’s cock, perfectly in time with the pistoning of Louis’ hips. There’s a muffled scream when Harry comes, and he grips like a vice around Louis’ cock. Louis can only last for a couple of extra seconds before he’s spilling violently into the condom.

 

After a few moments, Louis pulls out of Harry’s abused hole. He takes off and discards the condom, vaguely aiming for the garbage bin on the other side of room, before just collapsing exhaustedly next to a flushed, panting Harry. Louis stretches out on his back and tries desperately to catch his breath. _Fuck._ That’s the hardest he’s come in a very long time. He may never fully recover.

 

When Harry turns over, he’s covered in a sheen of sweat, his cheeks a hectic pink and his hair a wild mess. He’s so beautiful and vulnerable, it kind of hurts to look at him.

 

“So, my sister’s coming to visit next weekend.”

 

It’s such a strange thing to come out of Harry’s mouth when they’re both still basking in their post-orgasm glow, that Louis can’t help but let out a loud burst of laughter.

 

“That’s nice, Haz. I know you’ve missed her ever since she moved to London. Any particular reason you felt the need to mention it while you’ve still got come on your stomach?”

 

Harry grimaces at that and digs through his bedside drawer, pulling out his trusty packet of wet wipes and efficiently cleans himself off.

 

“S’just, it’s after 4:00,” he explains, gesturing offhandedly at the digital clock on his bedside table, “You never stay any later than 4:30.” The look in his eyes is very pointed. Harry’s never asked _why_ Louis has to leave by 4:30 every time they do this. He’s so fucking _understanding;_ it’s all quite problematic really. Once again, he easily lets the subject drop when he realises Louis still isn’t willing to offer any explanation, continuing the thought as if nothing happened, “Wanted to ask before you left.”

 

“Ask me what?”

 

Harry sighs exaggeratedly, “Honestly Lewis, everything needs to be spelled out for you, doesn’t it?”

 

Louis shrugs, he still doesn’t understand exactly what Harry’s getting at.

 

“I want you to meet her, you idiot. Maybe lunch next Saturday? I think you guys would get along.”

 

 Louis can only stare at him in shock, “You want me to meet your sister?”

 

Harry shakes his head in exasperation, “That’s literally what I just said, Louis. Are you having some kind of stroke?”

 

Louis doesn’t really know how to answer that. His heart is certainly racing and he’s feeling pretty sweaty and uncomfortable, maybe this is what a stroke feels like, or a heart attack?

 

Louis’ head is a mess of noise. This is too much. Harry’s too much. He’s asking for too fucking much. Meeting the family is like, a big fucking step. That’s some serious relationship bullshit right there, and that can’t be what this is. Louis’ held so much of himself back and he’s still falling in way too deep.

 

Suddenly the words he’d naïvely said to Zayn all those weeks ago come flooding back to him, _nobody’s getting hurt here… that’s not what this is._

Stupid.

 

That’s exactly what this fucking is. Every second of every day Louis’ spent with Harry, he’s just been hurtling closer and closer to the edge. Harry’s going to reject him as soon as he knows about Rory, there’s no fucking way Louis’ getting out of this without some serious emotional scars.

 

Only one clear thought is able to make its way through Louis’ hectic mind. _Run._

Louis disentangles himself entirely from Harry’s bed sheets, quickly finding and dressing himself in his discarded clothing.

 

“What are you doing?” Harry asks, totally confused by Louis’ sudden actions.

 

“I’m so sorry Harry, it’s just um- I’ve really gotta go…” Louis can’t even recognise his own voice. It’s too low and monotonous and just… not right.

 

“Ok?” Harry sounds so hesitant, “Was it something I- I mean, you’re alright, aren’t you Lou?”

 

“Yeah, totally fine,” Louis spares a quick glance at Harry before walking out the door, and immediately wishes he hadn’t. Harry’s still naked, a sheet barely covering his hips. He looks so vulnerable and confused that Louis’ heart actually clenches.

 

“So, I guess I’ll see you later?”

 

Louis internally shakes himself and sends what he hopes is a reassuring smile Harry’s way, “Of course babe. I’ll call you.”

 

Harry smiles back, visibly relaxing at Louis’ words, “Ok. Thanks for, y’know… earlier.”

 

 _Fuck,_ Louis is such a terrible person. He’s literally shagging and ditching this amazing boy like some kind of seedy one night stand, and Harry’s bloody _thanking_ him for it. He turns himself towards the door, unable to physically look at Harry any longer, “No. Thank _you._ ”

 

Louis rushes out of the bedroom before Harry can say another word.

 

 

*****

 

 

“You have to tell him about Rory, Lou.”

 

It’s Sunday morning, and Louis’ just finished telling Zayn about everything that happened with Harry the day before.

 

“I know,” Louis groans. He’s fucking exhausted. He’d barely slept a wink last night, his head too full of troubling thoughts and guilt for him to ever properly drop off.

 

Zayn shakes his head emphatically, like Louis doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation, “No. Seriously Louis, you guys text each other every day. You go out to movies and meals. You have sex. He wants you to meet his fucking family? Like, he’s basically your boyfriend, mate. And I _know_ you’ve never put any labels on anything, and that’s on both of you, but at this stage you’re not being honest with him. Not telling him about Rory is straight up misrepresentation, mate. You’re not being fair to him, it’s not right.”

 

“No need to hold back Zee. Please, tell me what you really think.” Louis grumbles petulantly.

 

“No. Don’t you dare give me that, Tomlinson,” Zayn exclaims angrily, “You asked me for advice, I’m sorry if you don’t like it. You know I’ve had some pretty serious reservations about Harry from the beginning, and I’ve not said anything, because you wanted my support, but you can’t expect me to stay quiet when you’re asking for my fucking opinion.”

 

Louis visibly recoils at that, his defences lowering, “You’re right Zayn, of course you’re right. I’m sorry, it’s just…” Louis’ voice gets softer, “I don’t want to lose him. He’s so sweet, and he’s such a good friend, and he’s going to leave, like, how could he not? M’gonna miss him is all.”

 

Zayn’ expression softens, “You don’t know that, Lou,” he reassures, pulling Louis into a comforting hug, “Like, I’m not gonna lie, he’ll definitely be angry at first. But you’re like, weirdly endearing. You stick to people, you make an impression, s’not so easy to just let you go.”

 

Louis frowns not sure whether to be flattered or insulted, “You really think we could still be friends?”

 

“Sure,” Zayn states confidently, “Why not? You’re a good friend to have Lou. He’d have to be an idiot to let you slip through his fingers.”

 

Louis doesn’t really feel like he’s been a particularly good friend to Harry, especially after his little freak-out yesterday, but it’s easier just to believe Zayn for now. It makes the prospect of what he has to do easier to swallow.

 

“Ok,” Louis mumbles, pulling away from Zayn’s warm embrace, “I’ll do it. Next time I see him, I’ll tell him about Rory. And Aaron, if he’s still willing to listen.”

 

Zayn smiles approvingly, “It’s the right thing to do.”

 

The moment is broken by Zayn’s mobile ringing sharply.

 

“Sorry mate, I should get this,” Zayn says, before answering the phone, “Hello?... No, Jake… Of course the Johnson sculptures can’t go in the same room as the Razvaliaeva black and white prints… Because that’s way too much grey! You need some accents of colour in the room to give it some dimension and interest… I don’t know, maybe the expressionist paintings we got in last week?... No, not those ones, the ones with all the green and blue tones, I can’t remember the name of the artist right now… Fine, I’ll be there soon. Ok, bye.”

 

Zayn hangs up the phone and sighs, “So, looks like I have to go into the gallery today after all.”

 

Just then, Perrie walks into the room, Rory propped up on her hip, “Again, Zayn? This is the third time. Why are you still paying this Jake guy when he clearly can’t do his job?”

 

“He’s still pretty new babe, and I’m gonna need some extra help for after the baby’s born. He’ll get the hang of it soon, I promise.”

 

Perrie frowns but Zayn just leans in and presses soft kisses to her forehead until the creases smooth out again. It’s unbearably sweet and makes Louis feel like he’s intruding.

 

“Fine,” she huffs out eventually, “Louis and Rory will just have to keep me company. I don’t need you Malik.”

 

“Glad to hear it, love,” Zayn grins as he fetches his jacket and shoes, “Love you babe,” Zayn exclaims, giving Perrie another soft kiss, this time on the corner of her mouth. “Love you too, baby,” Zayn continues, leaning down and kissing Perrie’s now six-month pregnant belly, “and you!” he exclaims giving Rory, who’s still sitting happily in Perrie’s arms, an enthusiastic smacking kiss on his forehead. Finally, he turns to Louis, “Bye Lou.” He says simply before running out the door.

 

“Oh I see how it is!” Louis yells after Zayn’s retreating form, “Well screw you too!”

 

“Srew’oo” Rory yells delightedly, his little fist waving in the air.

 

Yeah, Louis still may not have totally got the hang of censoring himself around his son.

 

“So,” he says quickly, before Perrie can give him another lecture on watching his language, “looks like it’s just the three of us. Whatcha wanna do Pezza?”

 

 

*****

 

 

Thirty minutes later the three of them are walking through a local park. It’s a beautiful sunny day, if a little bit cool and there are heaps of people around, just soaking up the sun.

 

Louis carefully places Rory on the ground when they find a nice patch of grass and watches closely as the little boy toddles around on unsteady legs, awkwardly bumping along a tiny, soft football. Rory has only been walking for a couple of weeks now, but he’s already built up quite a lot of confidence and sometimes tries to move a lot quicker than his chubby little legs can carry him. Louis’ been living in a constant state of anxiety, worried that Rory’s going to fall over and hurt himself, but he knows the little boy needs to practice his walking, so he tries to let the, more sensible part of his brain dominate.

 

Louis’ just hovering over Rory awkwardly as the little boy runs around chasing after the ball when his phone starts ringing in his pocket.

 

“Heya Pez, can you keep an eye on Ror while I get this? I’m just gonna go somewhere a little quieter.”

 

Perrie nods shortly, “Of course, Lou.”

 

“Shouldn’t be too long,” Louis yells over his shoulder as he moves to a more secluded patch of grass about ten metres away, right in the shade of a huge oak tree.

 

“Hello?” Louis answers the phone.

 

“Hey mate, it’s Liam.”

 

Louis finds himself smiling, “Oh, hey Li. What’s up?”

 

“Not a lot man, just having a nice lazy Sunday with the girlfriend. I just wanted to call quickly to say I’m not going to be able to make that consultation tomorrow morning after all. Could we move it back a couple of hours, maybe? Or I’m free any time on Tuesday. Whatever works best for you.”

 

“Ah, yeah,” Louis says, thinking quickly, “I don’t actually have my day planner with me right now, but Monday afternoon should be fine. How does 12:30 sound?”

 

“Sounds good mate,” Liam replies, sounding relieved that Louis’ so willing to accommodate the schedule change.

 

“Alright, well I’ll be seeing you tomorrow afternoon. Maybe we can have a quick lunch afterwards? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever, bro.”

 

“That sounds ace, Louis,” Louis can hear Liam’s grin through the phone, “I’ll see you then.”

 

Louis hangs up the phone, and is just about to move back to Perrie and Rory when he’s unceremoniously smacked on the arse.

 

“What the actual fuck, man? This is a public park, there are children pres-“ the words die in Louis’ mouth when he turns around and sees a sweaty, grinning Harry, hair pulled back into a stupid little pony tail.

 

“Good to see you too, Lou,” Harry says, grin still firmly plastered on his face.

 

Louis can only stare at him, totally taken aback to be confronted with Harry so unexpectedly, and so soon after his total freak-out yesterday.

 

“I’m just out for a bit of a jog,” Harry continues, gesturing vaguely at his dishevelled appearance and exercise gear, totally oblivious to Louis’ internal panic, “What are you up to?”

 

“Um,” Louis begins, trying desperately to think of something to say before…

 

“Dada!” Rory yells.

 

Louis turns just in time to see his son toddling rapidly towards them both, wobbling dangerously on his chubby little legs. Rory’s less than a metre away when he sort of, half trips over an errant stick. Luckily, Louis’ become incredibly attuned to Rory’s balance issues over the past couple of weeks, so he just manages to scoop the little boy into his arms before he can hit the ground. Louis brings Rory carefully to his chest, nosing at soft baby hair and closing his eyes, trying to gain some composure, to sort out his head before he has to face Harry. Before he has to explain… everything.

 

“Louis…” Harry begins warily, “Whose baby is that?”

 

So, this is so not how Louis wanted to do this. He wanted to ease Harry into it. Fuck. He hasn’t had any chance to prepare how he was going to do this.

 

Oh well, no choice now. Louis has well and truly been caught out. Who knows though, maybe having a baby physically in his arms will help mediate Harry’s reaction, force him to remain calm, and like, not yell too much.

 

“Um…” Louis begins, trying desperately to get his shit together.

 

“Dada!” Rory interrupts loudly, patting lightly at Louis’ cheek until he’s satisfied he’s got his father’s full attention, “Dada, dog!” He points delightedly at a woman walking a black Labrador.

 

“That’s right, Ror,” Louis encourages automatically, “That’s a dog. Good job, baby.”

 

With Rory successfully placated Louis finally finds the wherewithal to actually look at Harry. He immediately wishes he hadn’t, Harry’s face is some toxic combination of confusion and betrayal with just a dash of anger thrown in on the side. He’s still so beautiful. It physically hurts to look at him.

 

“Lou!” Perrie calls out suddenly.

 

 _Thank god,_ something to divert attention while he stalls for more time. Time he desperately needs to figure out what the fuck he’s supposed to say to make that betrayal disappear from Harry’s face.

 

“Pez!” Louis greets frantically, “You were supposed to be watching Rory.”

 

“I know,” Perrie huffs out angrily, “but the little bugger’s well quick, Louis. I’m six-months pregnant, I can’t keep up with him as well as I used to.”

 

Louis hears Harry gasp sharply behind his back, and turns quickly to see what’s wrong.

 

Harry’s mouth is hanging wide open, he looks like some kind of caricature of a person in shock. His eyes are glued to Perrie’s swollen stomach, “Fuck, another one?” he whispers. It’s such a quiet, wooden exclamation, like he didn’t actually intend to say anything out loud at all.

 

“Who’s this Louis?” Perrie asks cautiously, apparently picking up on the tension buzzing between the two men.

 

Louis shakes himself, turning back to Perrie briefly, “This is- um…”

 

“Nobody!” Harry interrupts loudly; his voice sounds completely unlike anything Louis’ ever heard before, “I’m absolutely nobody. I’m just gonna, um- leave.”

 

He turns around abruptly, pretty much sprinting away before Louis has a chance to fully register what’s going on.

 

“Wait!” Louis bellows after him, quickly placing Rory in Perrie’s arms and running after the rapidly retreating man. By some miracle, Louis actually manages to catch up to Harry. He’d been a pretty fast runner back in the day, apparently that’s somehow managed to stay with him. Aaron had always said it had been because of his powerful thighs. That’s a little beside the point right now though.

 

“Harry, please. Just talk to me, I’m begging you.”

 

Harry stops running and turns around sharply at that, “What for Louis?” his features are contorted viciously, his eyes brimming over with rage, “If you’re worried I’m gonna rat you out to your wife, don’t sweat it. I’m not a fucking homewrecker, despite what you’ve tried to turn me into.”

 

Louis physically recoils, startled by the absolute vitriol in Harry’s voice, “She’s not my wife…” Louis begins, his voice pitifully small and timid.

 

“Your girlfriend then, fiancée, whatever, it makes no fucking difference. I’m not about to tear apart a family, particularly when you’re just about to have another baby.”

 

“No!” Louis begins desperately, “This is all a big misunderstanding, please just let me explain Haz.”

 

“A misunderstanding?” Harry scoffs bitterly, “I’m sorry, how exactly have I managed to misinterpret a small child in your arms calling you ‘dada’? Please Louis, enlighten me.”

 

Louis groans miserably, “You haven’t, obviously Rory’s my son. I’m so sorry for keeping that from you, I should have told you about him sooner. But everything else Harry, you’ve got it all wrong…”

 

“On second thoughts, I think you should probably just shut the fuck up, Louis,” Harry interjects, harshly cutting off Louis’ attempted explanation, “You’re obviously a consummate liar. We both know everything you say is going to be complete and utter bullshit, so why don’t we just save ourselves the charade, yeah.”

 

“No,” Louis shakes his head vehemently, “Please, I promise I can explain everything if you just give me the chance.”

 

“I really hope you figure out whatever, I don’t know, sexuality or fidelity issues you're going through, Louis,” Harry continues, completely ignoring Louis’ desperate pleas, “If not for yourself, then for your kids’ sakes. They deserve a stable father.”

 

“Harry,” Louis whimpers pathetically.

 

“Seriously Louis, I’m going to need you to shut the fuck up, ok? I really don’t feel like crying in public today.”

 

Louis’ mouth clamps shut, any further rebuttals dying on his lips.

 

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” Harry continues, a dark smile twisting his features, “I knew you were hiding something from me. You’d get so cagey and weird sometimes, plus the way you’d only see me on Saturdays. I fucking knew there was _something_ going on, I just never imagined it could be something like…” a dry sob escapes Harry’s throat, cutting him off midsentence. Louis’ heart throbs in sympathy.

 

Louis extends one cautious arm out, trying to place a comforting hand on Harry’s shoulder, but Harry jerks away violently before contact can be made.

 

“I really liked you, you know.” Harry continues, shaking his head, “I wanted you to meet my sister….” He looks directly at Louis then, and there’s such a complicated mixture of emotions swimming in his beautiful green eyes, Louis feels overwhelmed just looking at him. Suddenly Harry’s eyes turn steely, all traces of emotion vanishing, “Just lose my number, ok.”

 

When Harry runs away this time, Louis’ too shell-shocked to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: bandshirtedboybanders.tumblr.com


	12. Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm overwhelmed! Thank you so so much for all the comments and kudos on the last chapter, you're all way too kind =)
> 
> It was a bit of a secret goal of mine to get over 100 kudos for this story, so thank you so much for making that happen.
> 
> Now, onto the new chapter:

Louis hasn’t spoken to Harry in almost two weeks. Coincidently, he also hasn’t managed to sleep through the night in precisely that long. He doesn’t know when talking to Harry became such an integral part of his day, but everything has felt wrong ever since Harry went away.

 

It’s stupid that Louis’ so discombobulated by Harry no longer being a part of his life, they’ve only known each other for a few months, and they were never anything officially, but it’s true. He feels on-edge, and exposed, and angry. It’s not ideal.

 

More than anything though, Louis just feels incredibly sad. Not only did the worst-case scenario he’d conjured up in his head come true, it went even more terribly than he could have ever imagined. Harry didn’t just find out about Rory and leave, Harry actually actively hates Louis. Harry thinks Louis is a lying scumbag, who cheated on his pregnant girlfriend. Louis feels like vomiting every time he thinks about it.

 

So everything’s pretty fucking shit all in all.

 

Louis’ been immersing himself in work as much as he can, taking on extra jobs, organising the client folders on his computer, double-checking the cost effectiveness of all the companies they use regularly. Katherine’s been delighted. Jesy’s been sending him concerned looks and enquiring after his health.

 

Both their reactions are irrelevant though, Louis’ not doing this for either of them. Distracting himself is literally the only thing he can do to cope. Every time he slows down, finds himself with a few minutes of free time, his thoughts inevitably drift to the same place. To the way Harry’s face had hardened just before he’d walked away. Every single time it makes Louis’ blood run cold.

 

In any case, work isn’t really the issue; it’s all the time in between. Rory’s a pretty good distraction when he’s awake, but there’s still so much space for Louis to ruminate, to think about all the hundreds of ways he could have made things go better with Harry, if he’d just been more open, more honest from the outset. He kinda wants to go back in time and slap past Louis in the face for being such a short-sighted, inconsiderate dick.

 

Last weekend, Zayn and Perrie had done their very best to hang out with Louis as much as possible, and that had been helpful, but it can’t become a pattern. Zayn and Perrie have so much on their plate at the moment, what with a baby on the way and a small business to run, Louis can’t become another thing that they have to deal with.

 

On Friday evening, after work, with the terrifying prospect of a totally free weekend ahead, Louis decides he needs a change of scenery. That, and he needs a way to give Zayn and Perrie some space, without them feeling guilty for abandoning him in his time of need.

 

He’s halfway to Doncaster before he thinks to text Mary and his mother to let them know that he’s on his way.

 

Mary’s understandably confused by the totally unscheduled visit. She’s happy to see both her son-in-law and grandson obviously, but she has a lot of questions, all of which Louis dodges.

 

“I just missed everyone, Mary,” he insists, “Haven’t been down for the weekend in forever.”

 

She doesn’t look entirely convinced, but then Louis’ phone buzzes. Saved by the bell.

 

“It’s mum,” Louis says quickly, deftly changing the subject, “She wants to know if we’re coming over for dinner.”

 

Mary sighs, “That’s fine Lou. Tell her we’ll be around in about 20 minutes.”

 

“Sure,” Louis replies, typing out the message, “I’m just gonna go upstairs and set up Rory’s crib. He’ll probably want to sleep as soon as we get back.”

 

He’s already halfway up the stairs when Mary stops him.

 

“Wait, Lou. Are you- I mean, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

 

Louis just about manages to repress a snort of derision. Mary is pretty much the last person in the world he’d want to talk about his Harry drama with. He hasn’t forgotten their fight on the anniversary of Aaron’s death, nor about her barely repressed glee in the face of his disastrous date with Steve.

 

Like, he loves her so so much, but just- no. The pain’s too real, too raw. He doesn’t want to talk about it at all, let alone to such unsympathetic ears.

 

He heads up to Aaron’s old bedroom without so much as a second glance. He’s so desperate to get away from Mary’s questions, that he doesn’t take any time to brace himself for the potential emotional fallout from going back in there. Last time had been a total emotional clusterfuck after all.

 

It’s surprisingly ok. Every single overwhelming memory is still there, but it’s muted somehow. His heart is still beating double time, but he feels less like he’s drowning. Progress.

 

He actually manages to set up Rory’s travel crib this time without having an existential crisis, so yeah, definitely progress.

 

“Louis,” Mary calls from downstairs, “Are you ready to go, love?”

 

Louis takes on last look around the room, trying to get his heart rate under control, “Yeah, on my way.”

 

 

*****

 

 

Louis’ pretty sure there’s no better distraction than being surrounded by his family. Dinner is loud and ridiculous, as always, and Louis is so inundated with news from his various siblings, that he couldn’t spare the brain space to think about Harry if he wanted to. This trip to Donny may have just been a masterstroke, if Louis does say so himself.

 

He’s so preoccupied trying to take in and process both Fizzy’s story about her total dick of an English teacher, as well as Doris’ impassioned monologue about all of the toys she wants for Christmas, that he almost doesn’t notice the way Mary and Jay are whispering conspiratorially amongst themselves. After the fourth time he catches the two women sending him concerned glances, he can’t take it anymore.

 

“What?” he yells across the table, totally frustrated, “Would you two please stop observing me like some kind of science experiment gone wrong? It’s very disconcerting.”

 

Jay and Mary both jump slightly in their seats at Louis’ harsh tone. The rest of the table falls eerily silent. It may just be the quietest a dining room table in the Tomlinson household has ever been.

 

Louis immediately regrets losing his cool, he crumples in on himself, burying his face in his hands so he doesn’t have to look at any of the shocked, disappointed faces surrounding him.

 

“Sorry,” he mumbles sadly, “Just- I’m so sorry mum, Mary. I- I don’t know…”

 

“Girls, can you take the babies upstairs please?” Jay’s voice is calm and commanding, “Dan, I think Mary and I need to talk to Louis alone. Why don’t you pop on a DVD?”

 

Louis face is still hidden in his hands, so he hears rather than sees his mother’s instructions being followed. Chairs scrape along the ground and people move around him.

 

“Bye bye, dada,” he hears Rory say, his voice more hesitant than Louis’ ever heard it before. It makes Louis’ heart break a little.

 

“So Louis,” Jay begins sternly, “Any particular reason you’re acting like a moody teenager? I could have sworn you were an almost 25 year old man, with a child.”

 

Louis groans, he hates when his mother talks to him like this, it makes him _feel_ like a hormonal 14 year old again.

 

“Louis,” Mary tries this time, her tone significantly softer than Jay’s, “something’s obviously bothering you sweetheart. You’re not acting like yourself, and not that we don’t love having you, but your trip was quite last minute. Has something happened?”

 

Louis finally brings himself to take his head out of his hands and actually look at the women in front of him. He sees confusion and worry etched on each of their faces. He owes them an explanation. It’s the absolute last thing in the world he wants to do, but he’s got to give them something. Mary and his mother have wasted enough of their lives worrying about Louis.

 

“It’s not- I mean, it’s so stupid,” Louis begins, already frustrated by how haltingly the words are coming out. He takes a deep breath, trying to compose himself, “So there’s this boy- was this boy? Was is more accurate. I mean he’s still a boy, or like, a man, he’s just not… around? Fuck, I’m explaining this terribly.”

 

He collapses back into his arms in defeat. He’s been avoiding looking either woman in the eye since this conversation started, unwilling to take in their reactions to this.

 

“A boy?” his mother asks hesitantly, “As in a boyfriend? Or…”

 

Louis groans again, “I mean, no, like we never made anything official… Zayn reckons he was kind of my boyfriend. We talked all the time, and we hung out once a week at least, and we did… stuff,” Louis cuts his explanation off awkwardly, realising he’s going into areas he’d rather not discuss in the current company, “Anyway,” he continues, “It’s all irrelevant now. I fucked up, like appallingly badly, and now he hates me, so.”

 

“No Louis,” his mother disagrees automatically, apparently getting over some of her surprise, “I’m sure you can’t have done anything too terrible. How could he possibly hate such a sweet, caring boy? He must be an idiot this…”

 

“Harry,” Louis supplies despondently.

 

“Harry,” Jay echoes, shaking her head in distaste.

 

“No, you don’t understand,” Louis protests. Harry didn’t do anything wrong, he certainly doesn’t deserve Jay’s disdain, “I, um- I didn’t tell him about Rory,” Louis confesses in a whisper.

 

“You what?” his mother asks, looking slightly horrified, “You kept Rory a secret? For how long?”

 

Louis winces at the look on his mother’s face, “Almost two months.”

 

“Louis William Tomlinson,” Jay screeches, “What is wrong with you? You can’t keep something that big from a person you’re seeing. Secrets erode relationships. Did you learn nothing from what happened between me and your father, between me and your step-father?”

 

Louis doesn’t think he’s ever felt smaller in his life, and that includes the moment two weeks ago when Harry had looked at him with all the emotion one would normally reserve for something nasty they’d scraped off their shoe. Right before he’d walked away.

 

Jay seems to compose herself, she takes a deep breath before continuing, “So then what happened? You told him the truth and he left?”

 

Louis cringes, “Not exactly…”

 

“Louis,” his mother growls warningly.

 

“There was a bit of a misunderstanding,” there’s actually no easy way to relive the horror that was that Sunday morning, so Louis decides just to jump right in, “I was out at the park with Rory and Perrie while Zayn was sorting out some problem at the gallery, and I, um- ran into Harry.”

 

Louis pauses trying to collect his thoughts, but his mother has apparently run out of patience. She gestures irritably for him to continue.

 

“Anyway, long story short, he may have misinterpreted the situation slightly and thought that Perrie was Rory’s mother, and that I’d been cheating on her with him whilst she was pregnant with our second baby.”

 

The silence is absolutely deafening. Jay looks totally shell-shocked. Louis still hasn’t dared to look at Mary throughout the exchange, but she remains as stoically silent as ever.

 

“So yeah,” Louis exclaims, finally unable to take the silence any longer, “Now Harry hates me.”

 

Jay nods distractedly, “Yeah, I mean, I guess that would do it…”

 

Not the most supportive thing to hear in the face of Louis’ current situation, but it’s the truth. Let it not be said Louis’ mother isn’t a realist.

 

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Louis apologises sincerely, ignoring the way his chest aches, “I’m just finding it a little difficult to deal with everything, I guess. Like, it would be one thing if he’d just left, I was prepared for that, but for him to actively despise me? I actually can’t stand it. It makes me physically ill every time I think about it. I haven’t slept properly in days.”

 

Louis finally finds the courage to look his mother-in-law in the eye. Mary’s face is completely impassive, not a trace of emotion is being betrayed. It makes Louis feel squirmy and uncomfortable.

 

Luckily, Louis’ saved from that particular mess when Lottie comes down with a whimpering Rory in her arms.

 

“Sorry mum, I know you wanted us to stay out of your way for a while, but Rory started getting upset. We tried to cheer him up ourselves, but…” She tilts her head towards her nephew who’s now got tears welling up in his eyes.

 

Louis quickly checks the clock hanging up on the kitchen wall and sighs, “Yeah, don’t worry about it Lots. It’s not you, it’s just way past his normal bedtime.” Louis stands up and takes the softly crying boy out of his sister’s arms, “I guess we should get going, Mary. I should put this one to bed.”

 

“I guess we should,” Mary agrees monotonously, her face still totally blank.

 

The drive back to Mary’s house is silent and tense. Louis can’t help but shift awkwardly in his seat the whole way. He tries his best to focus on driving, and not on the woman in the passenger seat. Mary, for her part is still, impassive, she seems completely lost in thought.

 

By the time they arrive, Rory’s totally passed out. Louis brings his son carefully to his chest, rocking him gently whilst Mary unlocks the front door.

 

“I might go to bed too,” Mary announces suddenly, before Louis can take his sleeping little boy upstairs.

 

“Oh, um- ok. I guess I’ll see you in the morning?”

 

Mary nods distractedly, “Sure, will you be sleeping on the couch again, or…?

 

“I- I think I might try sleeping in Aar- the spare bedroom, maybe?”

 

Mary smiles slightly, “Good on you Lou,” She presses a quick kiss to his forehead, “Sleep well.”

 

 

*****

 

 

Louis does not sleep well. He sleeps fitfully, disturbed by bad dreams he forgets as soon as he wakes up, but send a chill up his spine nonetheless. Still, he actually manages to stay in Aaron’s room all night without having a panic attack, so, little steps.

 

He wakes up for good at 6:47, an absolutely ridiculous time to be awake on a Saturday morning. Louis sighs, and rolls over, he feels more tired now than he did when he first went to bed.

 

Rory’s awake too, standing up in his crib, holding onto the side, stamping his feet happily. At least he looks well rested.

 

When they go downstairs, Mary’s already up and just finishing cooking breakfast. Blueberry pancakes, they’d been Louis’ favourite as a teenager.

 

Mary beams at them when they walk into the kitchen. She seems much better than she had last night, more… settled somehow.

 

“Perfect timing boys,” she exclaims with a grin, plating up the food.

 

Louis smiles back cautiously, and accepts his stack of pancakes. Mary’s cut up some fruit for Rory too, he starts munching enthusiastically as soon as he’s comfortably situated in his highchair.

 

“Lou, my love,” Mary starts, taking in Louis’ tired eyes and generally dishevelled appearance, “You‘re not looking so good. Did you not sleep well?”

 

Louis just shrugs, mouth too stuffed with delicious pancakes to talk. It’s true anyway, he does look terrible, no point arguing.

 

“Was it because you were in Aaron’s room or were you still thinking about that- that boy?” Mary still has a smile on her face, but it’s wilting slightly.

 

Louis swallows his food and shakes his head, “I’m not really sure. I mean I haven’t really slept well since everything went bad with Harry, but last night was worse. I think it was probably both. It’s always weird being in that room without Aaron.”

 

Mary stares at him seriously, the smile’s slipped off her face entirely now, “You really care about this boy don’t you?”

 

“Harry?” Louis asks, surprised by the direction this conversation’s going in.

 

Mary just nods.

 

Louis feels his face heating up, he hopes he’s not blushing too obviously. This so bizarre, talking to his mother-in-law about boys is just awkward.

 

“Yeah. I did, I do.” Louis confesses, biting the bullet, “It used to kinda freak me out how much I cared about him. I mean, we barely knew each other, but I always felt… good with him. Happy.” Louis sighs, “I don’t know why we’re even talking about this. It doesn’t matter anymore. I fucked up. He’s gone.”

 

Louis cringes as soon as he realises he swore and turns quickly to Rory. Luckily his son is too busy mushing up bits of banana to pay any attention to what Louis’ saying.

 

When he turns back to Mary, she looks hesitant, sort of like she’s in the middle of an internal debate.

 

“You probably don’t remember Aaron’s father, do you?”, she asks suddenly.

 

It’s such an unexpected question that Louis doesn’t really know how to answer for a solid minute. “Um,” he finally begins when he’s regained his wits, “Not really, no. I mean, I met him a couple of times, but he was already pretty sick when Aaron and I started hanging out. In and out of hospital all the time. I don’t think I’d even turned 7 yet, when he died.”

 

“It’s such a pity that he never got to know you as an adult, Louis,” Mary continues earnestly, “He would have loved you. He would have loved the way you looked after Aaron. You remind me of him a little sometimes. He had a big heart too.”

 

Louis feels tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. He blinks them away before they have the chance to fall, “I wish I could have known him better.”

 

He’s being completely honest. The little glint Mary and Aaron would both get in their eyes whenever they remembered their beloved husband and father always used to make Louis feel like he’d missed out on the opportunity to know a truly excellent human being.

 

“He was the love of my life, you know,” Mary continues wistfully, “I was only 35 when he died, but I could just… never imagine being with anyone else. Even now, all these years later, I’ve never met anyone who I could connect with that way.”

 

Louis collapses in on himself guiltily, “I did love Aaron you know,” he whispers defensively, “Like, so incredibly much. I still love him. Caring about someone else doesn’t mean I loved him any less. Does it?”

 

“No!” Mary exclaims loudly, grabbing Louis’ hands from across the table, squeezing them tightly in her own, “That’s not what I meant at all. I know you loved him sweetheart. I could never, ever doubt that. You only had to see you two together to know it.”

 

“Oh, ok.” Louis sighs, relieved, “What did you mean then?”

 

Mary lets go of his hands, and moves to cup Louis’ cheeks. She looks him directly in his eyes, a serious expression on her face, “Just that if you’ve found someone new that you can imagine being happy with, that you can imagine loving, you can’t let that go. Not without a fight.”

 

Louis shakes his head as much as he can with Mary still holding his face, “It’s too late though. Harry hates me. He never wants to see me again.”

 

“I know Louis,” Mary declares passionately, “You made a mistake and you lied to him, but he still doesn’t know the full story. Even if things can’t be fixed between you, he deserves an explanation. This boy has been walking around, thinking he’s a homewrecker for, how long?”

 

“Two weeks, “ Louis supplies miserably.

 

“Two weeks,” Mary sighs, “This misunderstanding isn’t helping anyone, love. You’re miserable, because someone you care about thinks you did this terrible thing. He’s miserable because he thinks he contributed to an affair. Even if things can’t go back to the way they were, an explanation will at least make you both less miserable.”

 

Louis finds himself nodding in agreement, “You’re right, I should- I have to talk to him. I have to explain.”

 

“Yes!” Mary agrees instantly, “You do.”

 

Suddenly Louis feels nervous energy bubbling throughout his entire body. It’s more purpose than he’s felt in quite a while.

 

“I kinda want to go right now,” Louis confesses, fidgeting restlessly in his seat, “I have to see him.”

 

“Then go!” Mary encourages immediately, “Don’t worry about Rory, I can look after him for as long as you need. You know I love having him.”

 

“I know,” Louis’ already moving towards the stairs, eager to pack his suitcase and be on his way.

 

Less than 10 minutes later, he's standing at the front door, peppering goodbye kisses all over Rory’s face.

 

“Thank you so much for this Mary,” he whispers in the older woman’s ear as he pulls her into a crushing hug, “For looking after Rory, and for, y’know, the pep talk.”

 

Mary hugs him back just as fiercely, “You know I love you so so much, Louis. I may not have behaved like it all the time, but all I want is for you to be happy.”

 

 

*****

 

 

It’s past noon when Louis finds himself in the familiar foyer of Harry’s hall of residence.

 

Now that he’s here, he doesn’t really know what to do. He knows he has to go upstairs, has to face Harry, obviously. It’s just taking that first step that’s the problem.

 

“Oi, Mikey! What’s the craic?”

 

Louis hears rather than sees Niall coming down the hallway, apparently he’s back from Ireland. Uni break must be over.

 

Louis’ never actually seen Niall looking anything less than exuberantly cheerful, but he has absolutely no doubt that the blond Irishman is less than impressed with him right now. He’d rather avoid all that if at all possible. He’s not sure his tired brain could cope with facing an angry Niall.

 

The thought alone makes him move pretty damn quickly. He’s up the stairs and knocking on Harry’s bedroom door before he has time to overthink things any more.

 

Panic is just about to set in again when the door opens. It’s Harry of course, he looks tired and weathered and even more beautiful than Louis remembers him being.

 

His green eyes widen comically when he recognises the figure in front of him.

 

“Louis?” he asks disbelievingly.

 

“Harry,” Louis bursts out quickly, before he can lose his nerve, “We really have to talk.”

 

The only response Louis gets is Harry’s bedroom door being slammed resoundingly in his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: bandshirtedboybanders.tumblr.com


	13. Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was a tricky one. I've had the content for this chapter sloshing around in my brain for ages, and it was actually really difficult getting it down on the page. Hopefully you guys like it and it makes sense... I'm super nervous.
> 
> Thanks again for the likes and kudos! I love you all =)

Louis can only stare at Harry’s closed door. The buzz that’s been fizzing through his body ever since he made the decision to come and explain everything is dissipating rapidly. Fuck, he shouldn’t have just turned up on Harry’s doorstep like this. He should have called, texted, given the poor boy some warning.

 

He’s just turning to leave, already planning how he’ll get Harry to talk to him later, maybe even tomorrow if he’s lucky, when the door violently swings open.

 

“You know what? On second thoughts, no,” Harry’s voice is angry, his eyes steely and determined, “You’re right, we do need to talk.”

 

Louis nods frantically, “Please. I owe you an explanation, Harry.”

 

“You do,” Harry agrees woodenly. He moves his towering frame out of the doorway, giving Louis space to walk through to his room. He rolls his eyes when he sees Louis’ reluctance to move, “C’mon, don’t want to do this out here.”

 

“Uh, yeah of course,” Louis stutters out, willing himself to move.

 

Harry closes the door with a resounding thunk once they’re both inside.

 

“So,” Harry rounds on Louis, an ugly smile twisting his features, “Your son’s with the wife today, is he?”

 

Louis takes a deep breath, prays for his voice to come out strong and steady, “I told you Harry, Perrie’s not my wife,” Harry looks like he wants to interject, but Louis cuts him off before he gets the chance, “Or my fiancée, or my girlfriend.”

 

“So, what?” Harry asks, face scrunching up in confusion, “She’s your ex?”

 

“No,” Louis insists, “She’s just a friend, I promise. Actually, you’ve met Zayn haven’t you? Pezza is Zayn’s fiancée. They’re the ones having a baby, in about two and half months actually. They’re well excited.”

 

Harry shakes his head in disbelief, “You know what? Get out. This was a terrible idea. I should have known you’d lie to get yourself out of this. It’s what you’ve been doing since day one.”

 

“I’m- I’m not…”

 

Harry ignores Louis completely. He’s frowning deeply now, a little line forming between his eyebrows, “Fuck, I thought this would help. I thought hearing an explanation would make me feel like less of a knob.” Harry turns and looks Louis directly in the eye, “I don’t think you understand how like, really fucking terrible these past two weeks have been for me. I hate hurting people, like it’s legitimately my least favourite thing in the world. So the thought that I’ve been unintentionally hurting your wife or whatever she is, hurting your kids? It’s really been fucking me up, Louis. That, and I’ve had to acknowledge that I’m apparently a truly awful judge of character. Gemma’s always said I’m way too trusting, turns out she was right.”

 

“No Haz,” Louis argues desperately, “I swear I’m telling the truth about Perrie and Zayn. I- I can prove it.”

 

Louis frantically shoves a hand into his pocket, and pulls out his phone. He searches through old photos until he finds the one he’s looking for. He thrusts the phone into Harry’s hands, “See!” Louis exclaims, pointing at the photo. It’s recent, Louis had taken it only a few weeks ago. In it, Zayn’s standing behind Perrie, arms wrapped around her, one hand resting protectively on her growing baby bump. Neither of them are actually looking at the camera, instead they’re lost in each other’s eyes, looking at each other with such a soft, intense intimacy, no one could possibly mistake it as platonic.

 

“There’s more,” Louis says, quickly snatching the phone out of Harry’s hands and scrolling through his saved pictures.

 

“No, no, it’s ok,” Harry stops Louis’ frantic search with a soft hand on his forearm. It’s the first time they’ve touched in what seems like forever, it makes Louis’ breath hitch a little, “I- I believe you.”

 

Louis feels some of the tension he’s been carrying around for days leave his body, “You do?” he asks with a small hopeful smile.

 

“I do,” Harry confirms, “But I’m still… confused,” He pauses, pulling nervously at his bottom lip, thoughtful expression etched on his face, “That little boy, Rory was it?”

 

Louis nods.

 

“He’s your son.”

 

“Yes,” Louis admits immediately, “I’m so sorry for keeping him a secret...”

 

“Why did you keep him a secret?” Harry demands, cutting Louis off, “I mean, did you think I’d judge you? Also, where’s his mother? I get that it’s not Perrie, but she’s gotta be somewhere, right?”

 

“This is where things get a little bit complicated,” Louis sighs.

 

Harry shifts awkwardly on his feet, “I don’t want to like, force you to tell me anything you really don’t want to say, y’know.”

 

“No Haz that’s not what I meant,” Louis comforts quickly, “I’m gonna tell you everything, I’m just… not sure where to start.”

 

“I find the beginning’s always a pretty good place,” Harry offers, smiling reassuringly.

 

And fuck, Louis would never have thought when a door was being slammed in his face not so very long ago that Harry would be here _reassuring_ him. Harry is too fucking kind for this world.

 

“The beginning…” Louis repeats dubiously, “That could take a while.”

 

“I’ve got time,” Harry replies, moving to sit up against the headboard of his bed. He crosses his long legs and gestures for Louis to mimic him.

 

Louis carefully sits at the foot of the bed, directly in front of Harry and crosses his legs too. Their knees are almost touching in the middle.

 

Ok, so the beginning. When exactly would that be? When was the beginning of all this, the beginning of Louis’ story. It hits him so suddenly he almost groans. Of course, it’s so obvious.

 

“The first time I saw him,” Louis starts, voice tight and wavering, “I was six years old. It was the first day of my second year in primary school and he was the new kid. He was this shy, pale, nervous little thing with these big brown eyes. I dunno, there was just something about him, right from the start. I was fascinated with him, desperate to be his friend. At lunch, I basically dragged Zayn to come with me to talk to him. The poor kid was terrified, but I was like, this loud, annoyingly confident little shit,”

 

“Was?” Harry interrupts with a smile, obviously trying to ease Louis’ tension.

 

Louis feels like his heart may just burst from affection. Harry just knows how hard this is for Louis, even if he doesn’t know why, and he’s trying to help, even after Louis lied to him and treated him like shit. Harry Styles is unfathomable.

 

“Yes, _was,_ ” Louis repeats, punching Harry playfully on the knee, “Now are you gonna let me finish, Harold?”

 

Harry sits back, and mimes zipping his mouth shut.

 

“Anyway,” Louis continues, much more at ease this time, “Turns out the kid’s name was Aaron, but that was basically all I could get out of him. He was shy and on-edge for weeks, he’d always watch Zayn and me so suspiciously, like he wasn’t sure what we were going to do. I remember thinking how weird it was, even as young as I was, I knew there was something off. I’d never seen a kid so nervous around other kids before. It was like he’d never been around people his own age.” Louis pauses and looks at Harry quickly. He’s listening intently, totally absorbed in what Louis’ saying.

 

“It took ages for him start to open up a little. Felt like months at the time, but it was probably only a few weeks. He did though, open up that is, and he was funny and sweet and just… I don’t know, excellent.” Louis sighs, shaking his head sadly, “Then his dad died.”

 

“No! How?” Harry interrupts again.

 

“Cancer. It really shook Aaron up, as you’d expect I guess. He went totally back into his shell, like all of the progress that he made was just… gone. Like, he was sad obviously, but it was more than that, he seemed kinda scared too somehow. I dunno. He was an enigma in a lot of ways, and I was like, desperate to get to know every single part of him that I could. So even though he basically didn’t talk to anyone for like a month after his dad died, we still hung out with him every day. We just talked around him, and played football next to him, and tried to include him in every way that we could. It became like, my personal mission to get him to open up again.”

 

Harry shakes his head slightly, “That’s an awful lot of stubbornness and dedication for a six year old.”

 

“I was probably seven at this stage,” Louis replies thoughtfully.

 

“Oh, well that makes all the difference then,” Harry retorts sarcastically, “Carry on then.”

 

“Right,” Louis pauses trying to recall exactly where he’d left off, “Well in the end, my stubbornness paid off. I think it was probably a few months later that he finally told us. I remember we were sitting down eating lunch in the playground, just the three of us, when Aaron just kind of, put down his sandwich and like, announced, ‘my dad died of cancer, you know.’ And it was weird, because we did know, I’d been around to Aaron’s place a couple of times before, and I knew his dad was sick, and my mum told me when he died, but like, Aaron had never _said_ anything about it before. So Zayn and I were just like, staring at him in shock for a while, kind of unsure what to say to him, but then he just kept on talking, ‘I had cancer too, leukaemia. That’s why I wasn’t at school with you guys last year. I was in hospital for ages, and then even when I got out, mum said I couldn’t play with any other kids, cause they might get me sick. Sorry I’m no good at playing with you, I haven’t had a lot of practice.’ And then he just went back to eating his sandwich. Just like that. Poor seven year old me was proper shell-shocked.”

 

Harry looks a little shell-shocked too when Louis checks to see how he’s going, his eyes are wide and confused, “Sorry Louis,” He says finally after mulling things over for a while, “This story is like, super interesting and all, and I’m enjoying getting to know more about you. I’m just at a little bit of a loss as to what this has to do with Rory?”

 

Louis grimaces slightly, “Sorry Haz, I am getting there I promise, it’s just…”

 

“A long story?” Harry offers with a kind smile.

 

“Yeah,” Louis agrees, frowning slightly, “I could tell you a shorter version, it’s just… I want- I need you to understand… me.”

 

“Ok,” Harry says immediately, patting Louis comfortingly on the knee, “Sorry for interrupting. Please continue.”

 

“Ok, if you’re sure,” Louis breathes, “So after he told us, Aaron was a completely different person, it was like this huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He was so much happier, and freer, and just more comfortable around us. Over the years he became my best friend, but like, in a totally different way than Zayn was my best friend. I always wanted to be around Aaron, and protect him, and get his opinion on everything. I just felt… better when I was with him somehow.”

 

Louis looks Harry dead in the eye, “It wasn’t until I was fourteen that I realised I was a little bit in love with him. Which was terrifying for a couple of reasons. Like firstly, boys weren’t supposed to fall in love with other boys, and secondly, who falls in love with their best mate? Like, how was I supposed to act around him now? What if he ever found out? He would never talk to me again.”

 

“So I did what any sensible person would do. I suppressed all my feelings, kissed a couple of girls, and tried to convince myself it was just a phase.” Louis mouth twists into a strange little smile, “Surprisingly, that didn’t work out so well. When we were fifteen, we got high with Zayn for the first time, and Aaron and I ended up kissing. For the next week we just, didn’t talk about it, at all, and everything was super weird between us. I thought for sure I’d fucked everything up. That I’d let my stupid gayness get in the way, and destroyed the most important friendship I’d ever had.”

 

Louis can’t suppress the grin that comes over his face when he recalls the next part, “But I was wrong. After a week of moping, I finally grew a pair and told Aaron how I felt and turns out he was a little bit in love with me too. So then all of a sudden I was fifteen, with this amazing boyfriend I was head over heels for. We barely even needed to come out in the end. Like, both of our mother’s had seen this coming from a mile away, they were just so happy that we’d finally got our shit together. And Zayn was surprisingly cool with becoming the third wheel in our little group. So everything was amazing, and Aaron and I were so incredibly happy together, and just lost in our own little gross, hormonal bubble.”

 

Louis stops to collect himself, looking down at his knees, “Then Aaron started feeling really tired and just… off. He was seventeen when he found out the cancer was back, non-Hodgkin lymphoma this time, which was like, terrifying obviously. They caught it super early though, his doctor said there was like a 95% chance of making a full recovery and that it would probably all be over in a few months.”

 

Louis has to pause again, just the memory of everything they went through in those few months, almost too much to bear. Going with Aaron to his chemo appointments, rubbing his back while he vomited for hours afterwards, watching him lose his hair, feeling helpless as the boy that he had known and loved for ten years, shrunk and faded in front of his eyes.

 

“And?” Harry inquires in a cautious whisper after the silence has gone on too long, “Was he…?”

 

“The doctors were right,” Louis says immediately, not wanting to keep Harry in suspense, “After a couple of months all traces of cancer were gone, and we were in the clear. He couldn’t be declared officially cancer-free for another five years, but in the meantime, things were good. It’s just he was… different after.”

 

Harry’s face scrunches up in confusion, “Different how?”

 

“Not in any big way,” Louis clarifies quickly, “It just shook him up, having to go through all that again. He’d been fine for ten years, then all of the sudden, this dark cloud from the past came back to haunt him out of nowhere. He was the same person, there was just this hint of… desperation almost. It was like things were on a time limit, like he had to get everything done as soon as possible just in case he didn’t get the chance later.”

 

“Before he got sick, we’d been kind of planning on taking a year off to travel before going to uni. Afterwards though, he was in such a rush. He had this list of everything he wanted to do, and he thought getting his degree was more important than backpacking through Europe. We moved to Manchester with Zayn as soon as we were done with school, and Aaron started a degree in Computer Science. It was probably the right call in the end, he loved being in such an academic environment, being around people who were so passionate.”

 

Louis looks up quickly at Harry, then down again at his knees, unwilling to maintain eye contact, “He proposed on my twentieth birthday. I know that may seem really young, but we’d known each other forever and been in love for god knows how long. He wanted to be married so badly, and I wanted him to be happy more than anything, so it was a no brainer in the end. It wasn’t even legal until we were twenty-two, but we waited. It was just a small ceremony in the end, close friends and family. We had heaps of money at our disposal; Aaron’s father’s death benefits had been sitting in this high interest bank account for years, but we were saving it for something else.”

 

“Kids…” Harry whispers almost to himself, like everything is finally clicking into place.

 

“That’s right,” Louis acknowledges, “Kids. We had to wait on that one too though. It had only been four and a bit years since Aaron had been told there were no traces of cancer in his body, and he absolutely point blank refused to do anything about having a baby until he was officially cancer-free. He wanted to be around to see his children grow up, he didn’t want to be like his father.” Louis feels tears prickling in his eyes, but he blinks them away. If he starts crying now, he’ll never get through this, “Anyway, we got there eventually. Aaron was declared cancer-free, and we immediately found a surrogate, a really lovely woman named Ava. It took the first time, and before we knew it, we were expecting a baby boy.”

 

“Rory,”

 

“Yep.” Louis exclaims as light-heartedly as possible, “Things were like, brilliant for a while. We were both so freaked out and excited and happy, it was total emotional overload. We started planning everything. Aaron had finished up with uni and gotten himself a good job so I was going to stay at home with the baby until he was old enough for daycare. We bought a pram and a crib and toys and clothes, and we were feeling eerily prepared…”

 

Louis trails off, unable to continue. He looks up at Harry, the poor boy’s face is suspended in some kind of horrified limbo, it’s like he can see where the story’s going, but he doesn’t want to believe it.

 

Louis can’t look away from Harry as he says the next bit, “Then, when our surrogate was six months along, Aaron started feeling sick again,” The words hit like a physical blow, Harry’s whole face crumples, it’s awful, “We knew what it was, it was exactly the same symptoms as when he was seventeen, but we just… didn’t want to believe it.” Louis scoffs and shakes his head, “Made no difference though, doctors confirmed the cancer was back, worse than ever. It was this super aggressive type, and it was literally everywhere. Lymph nodes, liver, brain, pancreas… fucking everywhere.”

 

Louis feels tears slipping from his eyes, unable to control them any more. He’ll never forget the way Aaron had looked when they found out, just… broken. Like every one of his worst nightmares had come true.

 

“Doctors said there was nothing they could do, that it was only a matter of weeks.”

 

“No,” Harry exclaims quietly.

 

“Yeah,” Louis whispers back, “He fought though, like really fucking hard. Made it two whole months. Still missed out on Rory being born by more than a month, but like, he tried so hard to be there. He really wanted to see him…”

 

“Oh my god, Louis,” Harry’s in tears too when he pulls Louis into his lap. He squeezes Louis tightly to his chest with one arm, other hand carding lightly through Louis’ hair, “I can’t- I can’t even imagine what that must have been like. I’m so unbelievably sorry.”

 

“I’m sorry I di- didn’t tell you earl- earlier,” Louis gets out between sobs, “It’s just-“

 

“Shhh,” Harry soothes immediately, pressing a quick kiss to Louis’ forehead, “I understand. It’s not the kind of thing can you tell just anyone.”

 

Louis shakes his head where it’s buried in Harry’s neck, “You’re not just anyone, Haz. I should have ha-handled it better.”

 

Harry just holds him tighter.

 

They stay like that for ages. Crying and entangled in each other for hours. Eventually though, Louis manages to calm down and pull away.

 

“I think I should probably go,” he whispers. It’s the first word either of them has said in a very long time.

 

“You don’t have to, you know,” Harry replies, “I don’t mind if you stay the night.”

 

“I know,” Louis assures immediately, “I just- I think I need to be alone for a while. I’m a little emotionally drained. Plus I need to drive to Donny tomorrow to pick up Rory from my mother-in-law’s house, I’ll need a good night’s sleep.”

 

“Right,” Harry says with a slight frown, “Can I- talk to you tomorrow maybe? Before you leave, I mean, like I don’t want to impose but, maybe we could grab a quick coffee?”

 

“Uh, yeah. That should be fine,” Louis replies, confused, “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

 

Harry gives him one last crushing hug and a sweet kiss in the corner of his mouth before he goes.

 

“Thank you so much for telling me everything,” he whispers softly before Louis walks out the door.

 

 

*****

 

 

On Sunday morning, Harry becomes Louis’ official boyfriend.

 

It’s a small miracle as far as Louis’ concerned. Harry knows everything now, knows how damaged and baggage-laden Louis truly is, and he still wants in. It’s totally surreal.

 

They discuss everything over coffee. They discuss how Louis’ still carrying a lot of emotional scars, and may not be the easiest to get along with at times. They discuss how Harry’s decided he is going to go back to school once he’s graduated, to work towards becoming a teacher. They discuss what that could mean for them long-term. They discuss what parameters there should be around Rory. How neither of them think it’s a good idea for Harry to meet the little boy before they know their relationship is solid. How it wouldn’t be good for Rory to get attached to a new person, only for them to disappear if things go south. They discuss how much they genuinely like and care for each other.

 

Louis drives to Doncaster feeling lighter than he has in ages. Everything’s out in the open. There are no more secrets. Harry’s his motherfucking _boyfriend._

 

Louis feels genuinely and completely happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Argh, only one more chapter and the epilogue to go. We're hurtling towards the end now.
> 
> tumblr: bandshirtedboybanders.tumblr.com


	14. Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! It's been a bit of a hectic week on my end.
> 
> Thank you so much for your patience, and for your comments and kudos!

They’ve been officially dating for three months when Louis realises he’s fallen in love with Harry.

 

It happens the day before his 25th birthday.

 

Louis is feeling incredibly stressed. He’s made the executive decision to bring Harry with him to Doncaster for a birthday dinner with his family and he’s feeling guilty about it. It’s just so much to dump on the poor boy in one go. It’s going to be intense; Louis’ mother is going to be hovering and asking Harry a thousand probing questions, his older sisters are going to be nosy and embarrassing, the twins are going to be loud and toddler-ish, Zayn and Perrie are going to be in exhausted new parent mode, baby Umaiza is going to be… adorable probably, so no problem there at least, Mary is going to be… god only knows. Basically, the very least Louis can do is reduce Harry’s stress as much as he can, so he decides to finally (finally) introduce him properly to Rory the day before what’s sure to be the dinner from hell.

 

So, yeah, Louis is feeling nervous. This is a pretty big make or break moment for them as a couple. Like, in the last few months Louis’ really gotten to know Harry, and it seems so obvious that the boy loves kids. He _should_ love Rory, Rory’s very lovable. But still… What if Rory’s like, the only kid in the world Harry’s incapable of liking? What if Rory takes an instant dislike to Harry? Louis’ been so happy for the last couple of months, happier than he ever could have imagined himself being this time last year, what if tonight’s the night everything goes to shit again?

 

Louis’ managed to work himself up into a right frenzy by the time the doorbell rings signalling Harry’s arrival. He takes one last look around the living room glancing quickly across the room at Rory, who’s playing happily in his playpen.

 

Louis takes one last steadying breath before opening the front door. He’s greeted with a pigeon-toed, fidgeting Harry, some kind of stuffed toy is clutched awkwardly in his arm. The poor guy looks even more nervous than Louis feels.

 

“Harry,” Louis greets, immediately endeared, “Thanks for coming.”

 

“Of course,” Harry replies, eyes downcast, face twitching slightly.

 

 “Are you- like, are you doing alright, babe?”

 

“Yeah!” Harry exclaims, much too quickly to be genuine.

 

Louis reaches out and brushes a stray curl out of Harry’s eyes, “Babe…”

 

Harry sighs loudly and finally looks Louis in the eye, “S’just, this is a really big step, innit? What if- what if he hates me?”

 

The vulnerability in Harry’s face is overwhelming. Louis feels his heart clenching at the sight of him. He’s totally unable to resist pulling the taller boy into a comforting hug.

 

“Haz,” Louis placates, one hand rubbing soothingly up and down the broad expanse of Harry’s back, “You realise you’re talking about a one year old here, right? I’m pretty sure one year olds are incapable of hating anyone.”

 

Harry buries his face further into the crook of Louis’ neck, “Logically, I know that,” he mumbles into Louis’ skin, “But I’m still freaking out a little here.”

 

Louis chuckles lightly and presses a quick kiss to Harry’s forehead. It’s kind of nice pretending Louis’ the one who’s got it all together here, that he totally wasn’t freaking out about exactly the same thing ten minutes ago.

 

“What’s this you’ve got here?” Louis asks, changing the subject and plucking the soft toy Harry’s been carrying out of the boy’s hands.

 

“It’s- um- a present for Rory,” Harry explains, shifting nervously on his feet.

 

“A lion?” Louis enquires, turning the toy animal over in his hands. It’s a cute little thing, soft and small with a fluffy mane.

 

“Yeah,” Harry replies, looking down at his toes, “It’s stupid, like I know I’ve not really met Rory properly yet, but it kind of made me think of him a little. Cause you’re always calling him Ror, right? And like, lions roar, so…”

 

Louis actually cannot believe that Harry is a real person.

 

“Haz…”

 

“I know you hate puns,” Harry starts defensively, “But that’s just how my brain works Louis, I can’t help it…”

 

“Shut up, Harry,” Louis says softly, pulling the boy into another hug, “It’s perfect, you nonce. You’re perfect.”

 

Louis’ heart is brimming over with so much emotion, he barely knows how to process it. All he knows is that he never wants to let go of the boy in his arms.

 

“Dadadadada!” Rory’s piercing voice interrupts that particular train of thought.

 

Louis pulls back and examines Harry’s face carefully, “You ready for this?”

 

Harry takes a deep, shuddering breath and nods, “Yeah, s’just a baby, right?”

 

Louis takes Harry’s hand and walks with him over to Rory’s playpen.

 

“Dada!” Rory exclaims happily when he sees his father approaching, “Dada, up!”

 

Louis lets go of Harry’s hand and bends down to pick up his son. He brings Rory close, giving the little boy a quick squeeze.

 

“Ror,” he says softly, turning towards a still fidgeting Harry, “This is Harry. Haz, this is Rory.”

 

“Hi Rory,” Harry says, waving awkwardly, “Nice to finally meet you.”

 

Rory watches Harry appraisingly, unsure what to make of this brand new person, “Hi…” he finally offers hesitantly.

 

“I- um, I got you a present,” Harry stutters, handing Rory the little lion.

 

Rory accepts the gift immediately. He brings the toy to his face, rubbing it against his chubby cheek, “Soft!” he declares emphatically, turning in Louis’ arms to look up at his father, “Dog?”

 

“No, Ror,” Louis corrects lightly, “Not a dog. That’s a lion, baby.”

 

“Line,” Rory repeats, clumsily trying to form the unfamiliar word.

 

“Close enough,” Louis says, pressing a kiss to Rory’s cheek, “Can you say thank you to Harry?”

 

Rory turns towards Harry, looking at him with big earnest eyes, “Tank’oo!”

 

“You’re welcome,” Harry replies, looking significantly more relaxed than he did a little while ago.

 

Louis decides to push it a little, “Haz, would you mind playing with Rory for a bit whilst I make us some tea? Should only take five minutes.”

 

Harry’s eyes widen minutely before he seems to pull himself together again, “Um, sure?”

 

Louis quickly transfers Rory over into Harry’s arms before rushing off to the kitchen, “I’m just in the other room, ok?”

 

Louis takes his time with the tea. He keeps an ear out for any disturbances in the living room of course, but he wants Harry to spend some time with Rory. He wants Harry to have some idea of what he’s getting himself into here.

 

By the time he comes out of the kitchen, two steaming mugs of tea in hand, he’s confronted with possibly the most adorable sight he’s ever seen in his life. Harry’s lying on the living room floor, flat on his back, knees bent. Rory meanwhile, is kneeling on Harry’s stomach, racing his toy Lightning McQueen car over the planes of Harry’s chest. They’re both giggling lightly; Harry because he’s ticklish, Rory because he delights in making Harry squirm. Oh well, like father, like son.

 

“I should have known,” Louis starts, satisfied smirk taking over his face, “How long did it take before Rory started literally walking all over you, Styles? 30 seconds, or did you manage to hold out for a full minute?”

 

Harry pouts up at him, not moving from his position on the floor, “Shut it, Lewis. It’s difficult to say no to him, ok? He’s got these eyes…”

 

“Pretty sure he didn’t actually ask to use you as a floor substitute, babe,” Louis says smugly, “Don’t think he’s got the linguistic skills for that quite yet. Also I have it on very good authority that he has my eyes.”

 

Harry’s pout melts away, leaving a cheeky grin in its place, “Yeah, well I have a hard time saying no to you too, don’t I?”

 

Louis blushes and looks away, unable to stop a smile from taking over his face.

 

Rory breaks the moment by squealing and slapping Harry on the chest.

 

“He’s a demanding little thing, isn’t he?” Harry says distractedly, sitting up and giving the little boy his full attention. He brings Rory closer to his chest and starts pulling ridiculous faces at him until they both dissolve into giggles.

 

Louis’ heart clenches painfully in his chest at the sight.

 

The thing is, he’s cared about Harry for a long time now, but it feels like he’s always had to hold a part of himself back. Like he’s had to be sensible and cautious with giving too much of himself away until he could be sure that this might actually work, that they had a real shot at going the distance. Now, watching Harry and his son playing together on the floor, Louis feels the last of the protective walls he’s built around his heart crumbling. It feels a lot like being in love.

 

It’s so different to what he’d felt with Aaron. He’d been so young back then, too carefree to erect any kind of defence against feeling too much too soon. Louis had been in love with Aaron for years before he’d even realised that was what he was feeling. By the time he’d figured it out, it was too late, he was too far gone and there was no turning back. This time, it’s a distinct shift in perspective, Louis’ making the conscious decision to allow himself this. He’s letting himself fall, he just hopes that Harry’s willing to go down with him.

 

When Louis snaps out of his personal revelation he realises Harry’s looking at him expectantly.

 

“Sorry, what was that?” He asks croakily.

 

Harry sighs exaggeratedly and turns back towards Rory, “Your daddy’s very silly, isn’t he Ror?”

 

“Silly,” Rory agrees stoically.

 

“I was just asking,” Harry continues, “Whether you had any plans for dinner tonight?”

 

“Um,” Louis’ still reeling from his realisation, but he tries desperately to pull himself together, “I was just gonna order a pizza or something. Why? Did you want something different?”

 

“I was thinking maybe I could make something,” Harry replies easily, getting distracted by Rory flailing happily in his arms again, “It’s been ages since I’ve had access to a proper kitchen.”

 

“That’s fine, Haz,” Louis replies, “Not sure if you’ll be able to scrounge anything together with the ingredients I’ve got, but you’re welcome to try.”

 

“Yay!” Harry cheers, holding Rory’s arms and waving them in faux celebration, “I’ll figure something out, I can be quite resourceful.”

 

Louis finds himself smiling hugely. It feels a little like his heart is about to burst.

 

 

*****

 

 

Later, after they’re well fed and Rory’s asleep, Louis and Harry snuggle up on the couch.

 

The entire evening has been insanely domestic. Between, Harry cooking and Louis putting Rory to bed, followed by Harry doing the washing up while Louis dries, everything has felt awfully familiar. Like a glimpse into the future. It’s been a bit overwhelming really.

 

Right now though, Louis just feels warm and content, the words that have been rushing through his head all evening on the tip of his tongue. _I love you, I love you, I love you._ It’s a constant mantra running through his mind.

 

“Lou,” Harry whispers tugging Louis’ body even closer, pressing his lips to Louis’ forehead, “Thank you so much for letting me meet Rory. He’s adorable, and just- lovely. You’ve done an amazing job raising him by yourself.”

 

“I love you,” Louis blurts out, unable to keep his internal monologue to himself any longer.

 

They both stiffen, Harry pulling back minutely.

 

“I’m sorry, did you just…?”

 

“Sorry,” Louis interrupts immediately, removing himself entirely from Harry’s arms, “Fuck. I can’t believe I just- said it like that. You don’t have to…”

 

“Do you mean it?” Harry’s eyes are wide and searching.

 

Louis looks Harry in the eyes, trying to decipher what’s going on in his mind, “Yeah,” Louis breathes cautiously, “I do. I mean it Haz.”

 

Harry’s face breaks into a blindingly beautiful smile, “Well in that case, I love you too,” He pulls Louis in again by the waist, kissing him sloppily all over his face.

 

“Harold,” Louis squeals indignantly, “Stop slobbering all over me, you brute.”

 

“Nope,” Harry gets out between kisses, popping the ‘p’ obnoxiously, “Cause you _love_ me. You love my slobber.”

 

“I don’t remember agreeing to slobber-love,” Louis groans.

 

“Well you should have read your love contract more closely then, s’not my fault you didn’t look at the fine print,” Harry’s grinning and glowing, both dimples popping out.

 

“You’re ridiculous,” Louis huffs.

 

“But you love me anyway,” Harry declares confidently.

 

“Yeah,” Louis presses a soft kiss to Harry’s smiling lips, “I really do.”

 

That night when Louis falls asleep in Harry’s arms, everything feels right.

 

 

*****

 

 

Harry’s jittery and anxious in the passenger seat the entire drive to Doncaster. When they finally arrive at Jay’s, Louis turns his attention briefly to Rory, who’s napping in the back of the car, his new lion clutched tightly in his arms, before placing a comforting hand on Harry’s thigh.

 

“You ok, babe?”

 

Harry jolts a little at the contact, “Nervous,” he gets out.

 

“They’re gonna love you,” Louis declares confidently, “I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this before, but you’re quite charming, Haz.”

 

Harry smiles, some of the nerves leaving his face, “It might have been mentioned once or twice. Still, there’s an awful lot of people I have to impress in there.”

 

“Not really,” Louis argues quickly, “You’re gonna win all the girls over in no time with your curls and dimples.”

 

“They take after their brother then, do they?” Harry interrupts cheekily.

 

Louis smiles at him indulgently before continuing, “And the twins shouldn’t be a problem, you’ve already proven how good you are with kids. I mean, it’s been less than 24 hours, and Rory’s already wrapped around your little finger.”

 

“It’s mutual, we’ve discussed it.” Harry interjects again, genuinely smiling now.

 

“Mum’s already half in love with you too,” Louis’ building up steam now, “Apparently, anyone who can make me smile as often as I have been lately is ‘A-ok with her’, direct quote. And Dan likes everyone Mum likes, so you’ve got him on your side too. You’ve already charmed the pants off Zayn and Perrie, and I’m pretty sure Maizy’s too little to have much of an opinion on anything, so that just leaves…”

 

“Your mother-in-law,” Harry finishes darkly, a slight frown slipping onto his face.

 

“Yeah,” Louis agrees softly. He’s about to say more but he’s interrupted by Phoebe banging loudly on the window.

 

“Are you guys gonna come out anytime soon? You’ve been in there forever, we all wanna meet your _boyfriend_!”

 

Louis gives Harry’s hand one last comforting squeeze before opening the car door and tackling his sister into a hug, ruffling her hair.

 

“Aww, did you miss me, Phoebs?”

 

“No,” Phoebe declares insistently, pulling Louis’ hand out of her hair, “Just wanna meet this Harry everyone’s been talking about, and I missed Rory.”

 

Louis clutches at his chest dramatically, “You wound me, Phoebe.”

 

His sister just cackles and skips back towards the house, “Just come inside already,” She yells over her shoulder, “Happy birthday, by the way.”

 

 

*****

 

 

After going through introductions, Harry’s immediately pulled aside by Lottie and Fizzy for an intense sibling interrogation. Based on the loud hissing noises his sisters make when he tries to join in, it’s apparently a conversation Louis’ not allowed to participate in.

 

Instead, Louis hands Rory over to his mother and Mary, who are positively itching to get their hands on their grandson, and finds himself migrating towards Zayn, Perrie and baby Umaiza.

 

“Zee! You look like shit,” Is Louis' very considerate greeting.

 

Zayn only grunts vaguely in response.

 

“I believe what my fiancé is trying to say,” Perrie translates good-naturedly, “Is maybe you should try raising the fussiest baby that has ever existed for a month and see whether or not you look any better than a festering pile of dog sick at the end of it?”

 

Zayn turns and gives Perrie a quick peck on the forehead, “It’s like you read my mind, babe.”

 

“Oh, you know,” Perrie waves a hand dismissively, “Great minds, and all that.”

 

Louis gasps theatrically, and gently takes Umaiza out of Perrie’s arms, “This is unacceptable,” he declares, sticking his tongue out quickly at the baby girl wriggling in his arms, “I absolutely cannot abide having my angelic goddaughter so unfairly slandered in my presence. Maizy’s much too cute to be anything but the perfect child, I refuse to believe she’s any trouble at all.”

 

“Tell that to my fucked up sleep cycle,” Zayn groans, “I don’t think I’ve had two hours of consecutive sleep since that adorable demon was born.”

 

Louis winces in sympathy, “Yeah mate, been there. Newborns are tough. Don’t think Rory slept for more than two hours until he was three months old.”

 

Zayn sighs dejectedly.

 

“It’s so worth it though,” Louis continues, shifting Umaiza so he can place a comforting hand on Zayn’s shoulder, “I swear mate, the first time your baby genuinely smiles at you, or calls you dada, all those months you spent feeling like a fucking zombie won’t even matter anymore.”

 

Zayn smiles softly and claps Louis affectionately on the back, “Thanks, Lou. I really needed to hear that. This may just be the lack of sleep talking, but I am so lucky to have you, man. Like, if I end up being half as good a father to Maiz as you are to Ror, well then I think I’m gonna be doing really fucking well.”

 

“Aww, Zaynie,” Louis coos, ignoring the tears prickling at his eyes and instead opting to pinch condescendingly at his best friend’s cheek, “You may be delirious and sleep deprived right now, but I’m still gonna have to hold that against you for the rest of your life.”

 

Zayn squirms away from Louis’ fingers and pouts.

 

“I hate to break up this touching moment,” Perrie interjects sharply, “But are you sure you should be leaving Harry to talk to Mary alone?”

 

“What?” Louis asks, turning quickly in the direction Perrie’s looking. Sure enough, there’s Harry, shifting uncomfortably on his feet as he engages in a one-on-one conversation with Louis’ mother-in-law. “Fuck,” Louis breathes, quickly giving Umaiza back to her mother and rushing off to rescue his boyfriend.

 

“Lou!” Mary greets happily when she sees him approaching, “I was just talking about you with your- um- Harry,” the smile on her face is strained, but ever-present.

 

Louis reciprocates the smile as best he can, even as he wraps an arm around a visibly uncomfortable Harry’s waist. This is an awkward situation, but everyone’s trying so hard, especially Mary.

 

“Nothing too terrible I hope.” Louis says as casually as he can, trying to diffuse the tension.

 

“Of course not,” Mary replies, incredibly sincere, “There’s nothing bad to tell. You’re a wonderful man, Louis. You deserve every happiness in the world.”

 

The air around them turns heavy, charged with meaning.

 

It’s Harry who breaks the silence, he looks at Mary directly in the eye, and utters a simple, “I couldn’t agree more.”

 

Mary returns Harry’s gaze, searching his face for what feels like several minutes, before nodding softly once.

 

“I’m glad we’re on the same page,” She says, before offering her first natural smile of the night.

 

It feels a little bit like approval.

 

 

*****

 

 

After dinner, Louis drives Harry to the train station. They’re both planning on staying with their families for Christmas and Boxing Day so they’d had to leave in a bit of a rush in order for Harry to make it in time for the last train of the night.

 

Louis' left Rory with Mary to take home, so it’s just the two of them. Once again, Harry’s sitting silently in the passenger seat, but this time he’s not jittery or nervous. Rather, Harry’s just staring contentedly out the window, seemingly lost in thought.

 

Finally, Louis can’t take the silence any longer, “What are you thinking about?” he blurts out.

 

Harry jolts out of his stupor and turns to Louis with a grin, “Guess,” He demands cheekily.

 

Louis smiles, he likes how Harry’s willing to play games with him sometimes, “Hmm,” he ponders, “You were thinking about my arse, weren’t you.”

 

Harry lets out an unattractive snort before pulling himself together, “If I’m totally honest, a part of me’s always thinking about your arse, Lou, but that’s not actually the dominant thing on my mind at this very moment.”

 

“I’ll try not to be offended on my arse’s behalf.” Louis says with a smirk, “What were you thinking about then?”

 

The mirth leaves Harry’s face entirely leaving an oddly intense look in its place, “Honestly,” Harry starts seriously, “I was thinking about how glad I am that you accidently texted me that night, all those months ago, how glad I am that you just so happened to get that job with Sony, how glad I am that Simon Cowell’s such a twat that you felt the need to escape by doing coffee runs every day, how glad I am that I gave you my number, how glad I am that I dragged you to a party when I barely knew you. I was thinking about how lucky I am to have met you.”

 

Louis just stares at him for a while, unsure how to respond to Harry’s disarming earnestness, “I was texting Aaron that night- the first time I accidently texted you, I mean,” Is what eventually comes out of Louis’ mouth.

 

Harry nods and looks down at his knees, “I figured,” After a moment, Harry looks up again. He starts biting his lip nervously, like he’s debating whether or not he should say anything else, “Do you- I mean you still miss him a lot, don’t you?” He stutters out eventually.

 

“Every day. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop.” Louis replies immediately.

 

Harry smiles sadly and looks down again. He seems smaller than Louis ever remembers seeing him, playing self-consciously with the cuffs on his jacket. By the time they pull up to the train station, Harry’s still looking off. Louis wants to make him beam again. Harry is a bit like sunshine, it’s contradictory for him to be so sad.

 

“I’m glad I met you too, Haz,” Louis says sincerely, deciding that laying everything out on the table is the only way to go, “Everything’s been so much better since you came into my life. Even before I really knew you, back when you were just this random, faceless guy, texting me terrible jokes about Miley Cyrus and bicycles, you brought this… light back into my life. You helped me more than you can possibly imagine, through some really fucking hard times. I honestly have no idea where I’d be right now without you. Like, before I met you I genuinely believed I could never feel this happy again, I actually didn’t think it was possible. I was convinced I’d have to settle for either being alone forever or marrying some guy I didn’t really care about. I never thought I could feel like this again- I never thought I could be in love…”

 

“I love you too, Lou,” Harry interrupts, his beaming smile firmly back on his face, dimples and all.

 

“I know,” Louis says confidently, “We went over this yesterday.”

 

“Yeah,” Harry replies, crossing his arms defiantly, “Well I still mean it.”

 

“Even after meeting my crazy, overwhelming family, and my intense mother-in-law and my incredibly loud and demanding son?”

 

Somehow, Harry’s grin widens, “Absolutely.”

 

Louis grabs Harry’s hands out of his lap and squeezes them in his own. He looks at the boy searchingly, “So we’re really doing this then? Like you’re in all the way?”

 

“Yeah- I’m totally in, for all of it, 100%,” Harry’s face is fierce, and determined, and honest.

 

Louis presses a firm kiss to Harry’s lips, it’s chaste but intense. He hopes it conveys all of the things that he can’t find the words for, all of the hopes, and fears, and leaps of faith, and love.

 

When Harry gets on the train and waves goodbye from the window it feels a bit like a chapter of Louis’ life is ending. It hurts, letting go of the past, it sends a dull ache through his chest.

 

But it also feels like a beginning. The beginning of a new chapter, one with lots of dimpled cheeks, and bright green eyes, and a boy who reminds Louis of sunshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just the epilogue to go now! Hopefully that'll be up within the week.
> 
> If anyone has any questions, or just wants to chat, my tumblr is bandshirtedboybanders.tumblr.com


	15. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long! I got sick, and couldn't really write for a while. Hopefully this still makes sense even though it was mostly written in a slightly feverish state!
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who's followed this story, I don't think I would have been able to finish it without your kind comments and encouragement.
> 
> With all that said, hope you enjoy the epilogue!

Louis and Harry are in the middle of having sex for the first time in over a week when the call comes. In fact, Harry’s in the process of thrusting his gorgeous cock right into Louis’ prostate for the very first time, after teasingly avoiding the spot for god knows how long, when they’re interrupted by the shrill ring of Louis’ phone.

 

Harry halts his movement immediately and looks at Louis with wide, excited eyes, “D’you think that’s…?”

 

Louis just bites Harry’s collarbone.

 

Harry whines and pulls away, his cock beginning to slip out, “Lou, you’ve got to answer it! It’s too late at night to be anything else…”

 

Louis sighs and manoeuvres himself further onto Harry’s cock. He’s desperate to get back that delicious friction on his prostate, desperate to come, it’s been so fucking long.

 

“Can’t we just…” Louis circles his hips suggestively, pulling a moan out of Harry’s lips. “Please H, a few minutes isn’t going to make any difference. We’ll call back as soon as we’re done.”

 

For one glorious moment, Harry seems lost enough in the sensation of finally being buried inside of Louis that he might actually keep going. But then he’s drawing back again, this time pulling out of Louis entirely, and reaching for the phone.

 

“Hello,” Harry’s voice is deep, and so fucking sexy. It’s not fair. “Really?” he asks, a bright smile taking over his face, “Yeah, we’ll be there as soon as we can. Thanks.”

 

Louis can’t even find it in himself to feel bitter about the lack of orgasms in his imminent future when he’s confronted with the overwhelming joy radiating out of the man in front of him. Instead he just pulls Harry into a hug.

 

“It’s time, yeah?” he whispers into Harry’s neck.

 

Louis feels Harry nodding, “Yeah,” he chokes out, his voice filled with emotion.

 

Louis presses a kiss to Harry’s forehead, and rubs soothingly at his back, “Do you want to call Zayn, or wake up Rory?”

 

“Rory,” Harry says immediately, “He’s less likely to yell at me for waking him up.”

 

Louis snorts, “That’s almost certainly true. Go get ’im then.”

 

Harry nods again, and clambers clumsily off the bed, rushing towards the bedroom door. He pauses with his hand on the doorknob, turning back towards Louis.

 

“Lou,” he says, sounding totally overwhelmed, “We’re having a baby.”

 

Louis grins back at his husband excitedly, “I know love. It’s gonna be wicked.”

 

 

*****

 

 

Twenty minutes later, they’re pulling up to Zayn and Perrie’s house. Rory’s managed to fall asleep during the course of the short drive, which isn’t terribly surprising considering it’s almost midnight.

 

“Poor thing must be exhausted,” Harry sighs sympathetically, turning back to look at the sleeping boy, “I’ll carry him in I reckon. He shouldn’t have to wake up again.”

 

Louis shakes his head immediately, “No way H, you know you’re not supposed to aggravate your back. He’s not a little kid anymore.”

 

Harry snorts dismissively, already making his way out of the car, “Honestly Lou, he’s a six year old, not a baby elephant, I think I’ll manage.”

 

“Fine,” Louis responds, rolling his eyes, “Just don’t come crying to me if you can’t hold the new baby because you’ve fucked up your back.”

 

Harry pouts dramatically, looking more like a toddler about to throw a tantrum, than the twenty-seven year old he is, “Don’t even say that Louis. You know I’m not going to let go of that baby for at least two weeks.”

 

Louis places a placating hand on the small of Harry’s back, “I know baby, I’m sorry. And I don’t doubt your ability to carry Rory either.”

 

“Good,” Harry says nodding contentedly, “I’m gonna carry them both around constantly, you can’t stop me.”

 

“I’m not trying to stop you,” Louis says. Then, at a considerably lower volume, he mumbles, “But I am gonna call your chiropractor.”

 

“What was that?” Harry asks, as he opens the car’s back door and carefully transfers Rory into his arms.

 

“Nothing dear,” Louis replies, smiling in what he hopes is a trustworthy way, “Now get a move on love, we don’t want to miss anything.”

 

Harry nods determinedly, and moves towards the house.

 

Rory stirs in Harry’s arms, “Papa, where’s Linus?” he mumbles sleepily, his eyes remaining closed.

 

“Oh,” Harry exclaims lightly, “I think he’s still in the car. Lou, could you…?”

 

“Yeah,” Louis replies, already moving back towards the car, “Here you go sweetheart,” he places Rory’s beloved toy lion in the boy’s outstretched hand. The soft toy is looking significantly worse for wear, tattered and worn from years of intense love.

 

“Thanks Daddy,” Rory mutters, eyes still firmly closed, “Is my baby brother or sister here yet?”

 

“Not yet, love,” Louis replies, running his fingers through Rory’s fine, dark blond hair, “We’re at Uncle Zayn and Auntie Perrie’s house. You’re going to stay here until the new baby’s born, you should be able to visit them at the hospital some time tomorrow.”

 

“Ok,” Rory yawns unconcernedly, burrowing his face further into the crook of Harry’s neck.

 

Zayn’s waiting for them at the front door, eager smile plastered on his face, “Hey boys,” he says, clapping them both enthusiastically on the back, “Big day! Are you excited?”

 

“Yeah,” Harry whispers, eyes sparkling and wide, “Where can I put this one?” He asks, nodding down at Rory, who appears to be completely unconscious again.

 

“I pulled out the spare mattress in Maizy’s room.” Zayn replies easily.

 

“Thanks, mate.” Harry says, walking out of the room with a smile.

 

“What about you Lou,” Zayn asks, turning towards his best friend, “Excited?”

 

“I am, yeah,” Louis replies, then looks down at his feet, unsure whether or not he should say what’s on his mind, “It’s just, I’m feeling a little bit… guilty.”

 

“Why?” Zayn enquires, smile slipping off his face and brow furrowing.

 

Louis shifts on his feet uncomfortably, “Because I am excited, and happy, and just- so fucking ready for this baby.”

 

“I’m not sure I’m following you mate.”

 

“You were there Zee,” Louis says with a sigh, “It wasn’t like this last time. I was such a mess when Rory was born.” He groans, frustrated with how difficult he’s finding it to express what’s going on in his head, “It’s like, this is what it’s supposed to feel like, you know? You’re supposed to feel happy when you have a new baby, and I just… wasn’t with Rory. I was depressed and scared and broken. Going through this again in the right frame of mind is making me realise what a shadow of a father I was. He deserved better.”

 

“No, Lou,” Zayn exclaims passionately, pulling Louis into a crushing hug, “You did the best you could. It’s understandable that you’re feeling better this time around, there’s nothing wrong with that, but you shouldn’t feel bad about Rory. He’s honestly one of the most well-adjusted six year olds I know.”

 

Louis snorts unattractively into Zayn’s collarbones, “And just how many six year olds _do_ you know Zaynie?”

 

Zayn shoves Louis away gently and shakes his head, “You know what I mean, Lou.”

 

“I do,” Louis assures, smiling slightly, “And I appreciate the sentiment. You’re a good mate, Zee.”

 

“Good? I’m the best,” Zayn says confidently.

 

He jolts when he’s attacked by a rogue Harry, who smothers the smaller man in an enthusiastic hug. Once he’s recovered from the shock, Zayn pets lightly at Harry’s curls. The sight warms Louis’ heart. He loves how well Zayn and Harry get along these days, loves seeing this easy affection between them, particularly considering how disapproving Zayn had been of Harry in the beginning.

 

Eventually, after squeezing Zayn for an unreasonably long time, Harry untangles himself from the other man and turns towards Louis, “So Lou,” he says, grinning obscenely, “Are you ready to get our baby?”

 

Louis finds himself grinning just as widely, it’s a reaction he’s become pretty used to over the last few years. Harry’s enthusiasm for life can be overwhelming sometimes.

 

“I was born ready,” Louis says pulling Harry towards him and moving to the front door, “Thanks for looking after Ror, Zayn,” Louis shouts over his shoulder as they rush out of the house.

 

 

*****

 

 

It takes a long time. Some people might say an unreasonably long time. Louis wouldn’t though. Despite all evidence to the contrary, he’s not actually an impatient person, he just gets a little fidgety and restless when he has to sit in one spot for too long.

 

Ava hadn’t wanted them in the room for the actual pushing part of the baby-having production, so they’ve just been sitting in the waiting area, both of them dealing with their nerves and excitement in their own ways.

 

After a few minutes of silence, Harry grabs one of Louis’ hands. Louis looks down at where they’re touching, taking in the way their hands fit together, the way their wedding rings glint in the in the unforgiving florescent light of the hospital.

 

“Lou,” Harry begins, squeezing his husband’s hand comfortingly, “Please know I say this with all the love in the world,” Louis looks up at him questioningly, “But if you squirm around in your chair one more time, I’m pretty sure I’m going to scream.”

 

Louis’ body stiffens immediately, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to annoy you.”

 

Harry sighs, “I know babe,” he presses an apologetic kiss to the corner of Louis’ mouth, “I’m just a little on-edge. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

 

“No, it’s alright. I’m annoying myself a little bit if I’m totally honest. Reckon I might go for a bit of a walk.”

 

Harry frowns lightly, “Only if you want to. I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you to do anything.”

 

“Nah,” Louis replies with a smile, standing up and stretching out his limbs, “It’ll do me some good.”

 

 

*****

 

 

Louis’ not entirely sure how he ended up here. He’d just been distractedly wandering the hospital, no particular location in mind, yet somehow he ended up in the palliative care ward. Right outside of Aaron’s old room.

 

The realisation sends a dull throb through his chest. His heart doesn’t feel as raw when it comes to Aaron anymore. The pain is still there, but it’s not as sharp, not as overwhelming.

 

Still, it’s horrible being here again. Not just because it brings up a whole host of awful memories this place holds, but also because of the people. All of the rooms are totally closed off, so there’s no way he can see any of the patients, (And thank god for that, Louis’ not entirely sure he could cope with all that in his current emotionally vulnerable frame of mind) but the hallways are another matter. Family members and friends are wandering through the halls, they look lost, in a total haze of misery. Louis remembers so clearly what it felt like to be where they are. He remembers feeling like his world was being ripped out from under him, that nothing could ever be good again.

 

Today, he just wants to give every single one of them a huge reassuring hug. He wants to run from room to room, screaming that one day, they’re going to feel alright again, promise them that even though the worst is happening right now, they’re not always going to feel like this. It’s not always going to hurt this much.

 

The fact that Louis is feeling these very socially inappropriate urges, is probably an indication that he shouldn’t be here. He has somewhere else to be anyway, this isn’t where he belongs anymore.

 

By the time Louis makes it back to the maternity ward, Harry’s standing in the hallway outside of the waiting room. He’s bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet, a massive grin taking over his face.

 

“Thank fuck,” He exclaims enthusiastically when he sees Louis hurrying towards him, “I thought I’d have to wait forever.”

 

“What are you…?”

 

“The baby’s here,” Harry interrupts before Louis can complete the question, “And I’ve been waiting for you to get back, cause, like, I didn’t want to go in and see her without you. But you’ve been gone forever, and now I’m just really impatient, so let’s go.”

 

“Wait,” Louis resists Harry’s attempts to physically pull him into the room, and tries to collect his thoughts, “Did you say ‘her’? It’s a girl?”

 

Harry nods enthusiastically, his wilting curls falling slightly into his eyes.

 

Louis feels his heart stop for a moment, “We have a daughter?”

 

Harry nods again, and begins tugging insistently at Louis’ arm, “That we do. Now let’s go and see her! I’ve been waiting for you to get back for hours.”

 

Louis scoffs, but allows himself to be pulled along nonetheless, “Please H, I was only gone for, like, twenty minutes, tops.”

 

“Whatever,” Harry dismisses, refusing to slow his pace, “It _felt_ like hours.”

 

Harry pushes open the door to hospital room and just… stops.

 

Louis goes up onto his tippy toes and looks over his husband’s shoulder and immediately understands the extreme reaction. Ava, who’d graciously agreed to act as surrogate again, despite all the complications they’d gone through the first time, is fast asleep in the bed, her vitals are being looked at by a nurse. Beside them both, in a clear hospital bassinette, is the new love of Louis’ life.

 

“Ah, here the new Daddies are,” The nurse says with a radiant smile when she notices the pair loitering in the doorway, “Was afraid you two may have gone and done a runner.”

 

Her tone is clearly joking, but it still manages to jolt Harry out of his paralysed stupor, “Never,” he says defensively, “I was just waiting for him to get back,” he continues, pointing an accusatory finger in Louis’ direction.

 

“Ah well, never mind,” The nurse immediately backtracks probably sensing the deadly seriousness with which Harry is taking her earlier attempt at joviality, “You’re here now. And can I say, just between you and me, your little girl is 100% the cutest baby we’ve got on the ward at the moment.”

 

“She is?” Harry asks, immediately preening at the compliment.

 

“Why don’t you see for yourself,” The nurse replies, a knowing smile on her face.

 

As if he was just waiting for that invitation, Harry stumbles across the room and peers over the edge of the bassinette. Even from his vantage point at the doorway, Louis can see the tears welling up in his husband’s eyes.

 

“Lou,” Harry exclaims breathlessly, “She’s so small, come see! She’s so pretty!”

 

A little reluctantly, Louis moves towards his new daughter. A part of him has been dreading this moment, has been worried that he wouldn’t be able to love this new baby as much as he loved Rory, that his heart couldn’t possibly expand enough to accommodate all that feeling. The second he looks down, he knows all of his fears were totally unfounded.

 

It’s exactly the same. It’s an instant burst of love, and a need to protect, and an absolute knowledge that he would rather rip out his own heart than ever see this innocent little girl experience a moment’s pain.

 

“She looks so much like you, H,” Is the first thing Louis says, because it’s true. She has Harry’s pink pouty lips and she furrows her brow in the same way as she sleeps. It’s possibly an even more adorable expression on her than it is on her father, which is saying something.

 

Harry strokes one of his long fingers over his sleeping daughter’s soft cheek. His eyes are sparkling with joy and awe and unshed tears, his dimples more prominent than Louis ever remembers seeing them, “Really? You think?”

 

Louis grins back at him, “Absolutely.”

 

“Sorry to interrupt,” Fuck, Louis had forgotten the nurse was still in the room witnessing all of this sentimentality, “But just out of curiosity, does the little one have a name yet?”

 

“I dunno,” Harry hedges, looking up at Louis again, “We kind of had one picked out, but we didn’t want to commit until after we’d seen her.”

 

Louis looks down at the sleeping girl contemplatively, “I reckon it’d suit her, Haz. What do you think?”

 

Harry looks down at his daughter, then back up at Louis, “I think you’re probably right.” Harry says after a very long pause.

 

“So, Zoe,” Louis pronounces, feeling how the name rolls off his tongue.

 

“Yeah,” Harry replies, “Zoe Joanne Tomlinson-Styles. I like it.”

 

Louis’ just about to roll his eyes fondly and say something along the lines of: _Of course you like it, you dolt. We spent literally hours choosing it!_ When the aforementioned little girl stirs for the first time. Almost as if she’s responding to her name, Zoe opens her big, blueish-green eyes and watches both of them contemplatively, like she’s trying to figure out what to make of these strange, new creatures.

 

Harry moves to pick up the little girl so quickly, it’s like he’s been holding himself back this entire time. Zoe startles initially at her abrupt change in position, but settles surprisingly well in Harry’s strong arms. Louis feels a little bit like his heart is going to burst.

 

“Rory’s going to love her so much,” Harry exclaims suddenly, still staring deeply into his daughter’s eyes, “As soon as I’m done holding this one, I’m going to hand her over to you and pick him up from Zayn and Perrie’s. He shouldn’t be missing this.”

 

“Ok,” Louis agrees immediately. It does feel like his family is incomplete without Rory there with them. Louis’ positively itching to see the expression on his son’s face when he holds his sister for the very first time.

 

“It just might take a while. I’m not sure how long it’ll be before I’m willing to put her down,” Harry continues apologetically.

 

“Ok,” Louis repeats easily, stroking a finger along Harry’s bicep. There’s no rush after all. They’ve got a lifetime.

 

 

*****

 

 

It‘s more than an hour later that Louis finds himself sitting on the armchair in the corner of the hospital room, totally absorbed in his daughter.

 

“I gotta say, you look awfully good with a baby in your arms, Tomlinson.”

 

It feels terrible to admit it, but Louis had pretty much forgotten Ava was in the room with them. To be fair, she has been asleep for ages and Louis’ been so smitten with baby Zoe, he’d pretty much forgotten other people existed, but even so. This is the woman who’s sacrificed nine months of her life, twice, to help give Louis his amazing family. He can never thank her enough.

 

“It feels pretty good too,” Louis replies with a grateful smile, “How’re you feeling, love?”

 

“Oh, you know,” Ava waves a hand dismissively, “Where’s the better half?”

 

“Haz went to pick up Rory,” Louis explains, getting a little lost in Zoe’s eyes once again, “They should be here any minute. He’s pretty excited to meet his new baby sister.”

 

“I can imagine,” Ava says, and then pauses, “I’m so glad everything worked out for you Lou. You deserve every moment of this.”

 

Louis feels tears welling up in the corners of his eyes, but manages a wide grin nonetheless, “Thank you, Ava. That means so much, especially coming from you.”

 

Before either of them can say any more, they’re interrupted by an excited, erratic knock on the door, followed by an equally excited and erratic six year old bursting into the room.

 

“You’re supposed to wait for someone to say you can come in before opening the door,” An exasperated Harry explains, following Rory in at a much more sedate pace.

 

“Sorry Papa,” Rory says immediately, not looking particularly sorry at all, “M’just so excited to meet my new sister, I can’t keep my body calm.”

 

Harry melts completely at that, giant pushover that he is, “That’s ok Ror,” He says, ruffling Rory’s hair lightly, “But you’re going to have to be very still and careful if you want to hold her.”

 

Rory stops fidgeting immediately, stands up as straight as he can, pressing his arms obediently to his sides, “I promise I will be very, very still and careful with my sister,” He says seriously, “I have to look after her.”

 

“Ok, I trust you,” Harry says, equally seriously, “Do you want to go say ‘Hi’ to baby Zoe and Daddy?”

 

“Yes please,” Rory replies, already moving towards Louis and the bundled up baby at a ridiculously slow pace.

 

When he finally makes it to the other end of the room, he peers down at the fidgeting little girl, before looking up at Louis curiously, “She’s so small Daddy,” He says confusedly, “Is she supposed to be that small?”

 

Louis nods reassuringly, “Babies are very small when they’re brand new. You were that small once upon a time.”

 

“Was I really,” Rory asks, eyes wide and shocked.

 

“You really were,” Louis replies with grin.

 

Rory turns to Harry for confirmation, already too familiar with Louis’ tendency to tell jokes and be tricky to trust him completely, “Papa?”

 

“I don’t really know, babe,” Harry says with a shrug, “Remember, I didn’t know you when you were that young, you were much bigger by the time I met you. I’d trust your Dad on this one though.”

 

“Ok…” Rory responds, somewhat doubtfully, attention finally falling back on the baby in Louis’ arms.

 

Rory stares at Zoe for so long, that Louis’ mind starts to drift off a little. He’s only vaguely aware of Rory reaching out one tentative finger to stroke at his sister’s hair, and of Harry and Ava having a light conversation behind them.

 

He’s jolted firmly back to reality when he feels Rory tugging insistently at his sleeve, “Daddy?” He asks, blue eyes wide and curious, “Does Zoe have three Daddies too?”

 

It’s a question so far out of left field, that Louis’ at a total loss as to how to answer him.

 

They’ve always been as honest as they can with Rory about the somewhat unconventional way he was brought into the world and his first few years of life. He knows that it was Aaron, not Harry, who decided to have a baby with Louis. He knows that Harry only came into the picture later, even though he doesn’t actually have any clear memories of  a time without his Papa. He knows that his ‘Daddy Aaron’ as he affectionately calls him, loved him very, very much, but had to go away nonetheless.

 

Louis hadn’t even thought about how Zoe would factor into all this, and judging by the wide-eyed slightly panicked look on his face right now, Harry hadn’t either.

 

“No,” Louis says finally, “Zoe only has two Daddies, just your Papa and me.”

 

Rory tilts his head slightly, like he’s contemplating whether or not he should ask anymore questions, but must eventually decide against it, instead opting to nod his head in understanding, “Ok. Can I hold baby Zoe now? I promise I’ll be super duper careful.”

 

A few minutes later, as Louis watches his son hold his daughter for the first time, he realises abruptly that his heart has never felt so full.

 

When he feels a familiar big hand wrap around his shoulders and pull him in, the feeling only intensifies.

 

“I love you and our family so much,” Harry breathes softly into his ear.

 

“I know,” Louis replies, wrapping his own arms around his husband’s waist, “Me too. So, so much.”

 

A little over six years ago, it felt like Louis’ entire world had ended. Today, Louis only needs to look at all the life and joy surrounding him to know, nothing could be further from the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's that!
> 
> If you've enjoyed my writing, I've got a couple of things in the works, so keep an eye on this space =)
> 
> Any questions/comments/anything really, I have a tumblr bandshirtedboybanders.tumblr.com
> 
> Thank you again, and I hope you liked the story! XXX

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so that's that. Sorry for the inevitable typos. I'm self-editing, and I'm sure some must have slipped through the cracks.


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